Forget the murders, the robbings and the beatings
A real crime has happened on this very day.
Mr Police Inspector asks "What is the crime?"
"He's stolen my heart" Calmly I say.

He looks at me strangely and asks "Who did this?"
I point my finger at the object of all my love affections
"That's him, the maths teacher who's stolen my heart"
"What's the threat of that?"I laugh and say "Possible rejection."

The Police Inspector bluntly asks my love "Are you guilty of this crime?"
"Yes" He says as he rules out a perfect 5 centimetre line.
Pocketing his calculator, he invites us to sit down
"But if you asked me, it was because of the thrill of the Cosine."

"Eep, no!" I gasp as I look into his eyes.
"It wasn't the trigonometry, sir. If anything it was the statistics."
Mr Police Inspector rises to leave and says
"For God's sake don't break her heart, that would be awfully sadistic."

Now that we are alone, he nervously picks up a textbook.
I glance at the cover, 'Polynomials' it says.
"Come, come, Melanie, was it really just the maths?"
"Well no." I am hesitant to admit that I love in many ways.

"In my eyes, you are perfect, you're everything to me.
I love that big box you carry, and I love your laughing eyes."
"How did you keeo a secret for so very long?"
Shamefaced I reply, "Sir, I covered up with lies."

Lovingly he laid the textbook down and leant in to me.
As a peace offering, I handed him a compass.
He took it and laughed, but I was shocked when he said
"Thanks, but I'd really love a rhombus."

I delved deeper into my mathematical book of tricks.
"Well, sir, how would you like a parabola?"
"Hm, they're alright, all numbers and curves
But I'd really love to meet Pythagora!"

And as we sat, mulling over geometry
I couldn't help it, I flung my arms around
And Kissed him. "Oh, come now, Sir." I breathed
"You know I'm better than interest, be it simple or compound."

"Hm, I suppose you've more life than Pi.
More conversational than a square root.
I could teach you how to long divide
If you were only a little more astute."

"Oh, sir, you jest, you know it's true
Noone likes to multiply polynomials as much as I do
Even though I'm more of an English girl
I'll be happy doing maths if I'm with you."

He smiled and held me, but then he said
"You know what this is, don't you?"
I thought for a while. "A textbook romance?"
"Exactly! It's probablity, a matter of sheer chance."

I sensed that our conversation was a little off track
Heavens, there were other things to do but talk about maths
So what's the best way to distract a maths teacher?
Well, get him talking about my curves, they're my best feature!

So I reach over and put on a C.D
It just happened to be Handel's Messiah
I raised my eyebrow and turned arounf
Misunderstanding he said "Classical does wonders to inspire!"

"That may be so." I leafed through his collection.
"Found anything that you'd prefer?"
Strangely enough his music taste matched mine
"Well I absolutely love this Andrew Lloyd Webber!"

"There's one thing I need to ask if we're going to be together."
"Yes, anything" I mutter as I glance up at the clock.
"How do you feel about lighthouses?"
"Oh- You mean the one that's on Bell Rock!"

Geez, am I pathetic to write this long, long poem
About the daydream that is my maths teacher
Maybe tomorrow I'll write another one
For in my heart he is a permanent feature!