Dr. Casey's Return

Dedicated to the people in it! BOOSHA!

Dr. Casey: *kicks the front doors open to the hospital* Boosha bitches I'm back!!!

Dr. Bob: Oh fuck no...

Casey: HEY!!! Good to see ya again! The police were so nice! Strange how they changed suddenly after I told them they get free health care when coming to me.

Bob: That's bribery!

Casey: Oh bitch bitch bitch!

Bob: You need to leave here!

Casey: How about...uh..nope?

Bob: Then I'm leaving!

Casey: You can't. You have a JOB to do!!

Bob: ...don't come near me for the rest of my life!

Casey: ...is that possible?

Bob: JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Casey: DID WE NOT HAVE THIS DISCUSSION BEFORE?!?!?!

Bob: ... *twitches and heads off down the hall*

Casey: BYE!!! *heads towards the elevators as everyone else dives out of the way* What?

Nurse Bobby: Hey there! *stands next to Casey* What's up?

Casey: ...you seem familiar...

Bobby: No, that was Bob that went down the hall, I'm Bobby! *points to his nametag*

Casey: Holy shit! You got a fucking nametag?! WHERE?!?!?!

Bobby: Uh...receptionist?

Casey: Meh, I'll get one later... *jumps in the elevator followed by Bobby*

Bobby: ...shouldn't you press a floor?

Casey: Quiet woman! *thinks silently then just kicks the panel of buttons* There we go!

Bobby: Let's hope we don't get caught for that.

Casey: Who cares? As long as we're not around when they see it they can't blame us!

Bobby: I guess so...

Casey: Wanna be a doctor?! *has a crazed look in his eyes*

Bobby: Sure! Where do I sign up?!

Casey: *jumps out of the elevator and runs down the hall then into a room and back* Right here!! *holds out a sheet of notebook paper*

Bobby: *pulls out a pen and puts "and so is Dr. Bobby!" under "Dr. Casey iz a docter! Ph. D.!"* There!

Casey: Yay! *whips out a frame and runs back into his room to hang it onto the wall then back once more shoving patients out of his way*

Dr. Bobby: Is it strange to you that the elevator doors haven't closed during that whole duration?

Casey: Nope!

Bob: So what floor?

Casey: I dunno...this one! *punches the control panel*

*elevator goes up one floor*

Casey: HERE WE ARE!!! *stands an inch away form Bobby while screaming it*

Bobby: I see... *rubs his ear and walks out*

Casey: *pulls out a blackjack and cracks some porr fellow on the back of his skull* Quick! Pick up his feet before he wakes up!

Bobby: *does so and carries him into an operating room* What's wrong with him?

Casey: Well...it seems there's a red mark on the back of his head...we'll have to amputate!

Bobby: Whoa! Hold on! I don't think you can just amputate someone's head!

Casey: Shut up and hand me a chainsaw!

Bobby: *shrugs and does as he's told* Hope you know what you're doing!

Casey: *rips the cord and listens to the chainsaw start up* There we go...

Bob: *barges in* WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!

Casey: HOLY SHIT!!! I'M SEEING DOUBLE!!!

Bobby: What?! We look completely different! He's older!!

Casey: ...whoa... *shrugs and begins sawing away at the patient's neck*

Bob: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! *snatches the chainsaw from the young man* WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?!?!

Casey: DID I SAY YOU COULD YELL AT ME?!?! THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT CAN YELL AT ME ARE THE ONES WITH WHIPS AND LEATHER AND ARE WOMEN AND...I've said too much already...

Bobby: *plugs his ears* LALALALA! I'M NOT LISTENING!!!

Bob: ...leave!

Casey: Fine! I'll take my profession else-where! *grabs Bobby's arm and drags him into the hall*

Nurse Zandrea: HEY THERE!!!

Casey: HOLY FUCK!!! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!?!?! *grabs his chest thinking he almost had a stroke*

Bobby: Who's she?

Casey: My bestest nurse! Now let us all go find a patient and maybe find his intesticolon!

Zandrea and Bobby: ...his what?

Casey: INTESTICOLON! Intestines, testicles, and a colon! All rolled into one big and nasty organ!

Zandrea: *shudders*

Bobby: Ok...well...where do we go?

Casey: TO THE OPERATING ROOM!!! *clicks a stereo that's placed conveniently next to him and hears the old 70's Batman music*

Zandrea: WEEEEE!!! *takes off down the hall knocking IV's and stretchers over*

Casey: Come on Billy! The woman lady has cleared a path for us!!!

Bobby: Did you just call me Billy?

Casey: Hush! STALKING TIME!!!! *stalks rather loudly beind a deaf patient* You are going to be my new victim!!! BOOSHA! *tackles the patient and subdues him with a whole bottle of chloroform*

Bobby: ...I think he's dead...

Zandrea: Yea, he's gone...we need fresh meat now!

Casey: *gets up and dusts off then grabs a metal crutch and edges towards an open door* Hellooooo...house keeping...

Zandrea and Bobby: *watch anxiously*

Casey: *runs and swings the crutch like crazy until he hears someone scream* There we go! Time for surgery!

Patient: But I was just sleeping! You hit me in the head with the crutch!

Casey: *drags the patient out and pats his hand* It's OK... *looks at Bobby and shakes his head mouthing the word 'No' to him*

Zandrea: Is it water on the knee?!

Bobby: OPERATION!

Casey: The whole bucket sea! *shakes the patient and drags him into the operating room*

Zandrea: *grabs a handful of surgical instruments then throws them into the metal tray next to the table*

Bobby: *helps Casey put the guy onto the table* Damn he's heavy!

Patient: I don't weigh that much!

Casey: Shut up! *grabs a bed pan and swings it as hard as he can into the patient's face* BOOSHA!

Bobby: So...what's wrong with this one? *pulls out a pencil and pad*

Casey: Well, get ready to write this do-...oh..well then! He suffers from severe trauma...um..and..internal stuff!

Bobby: *scribbles in his notepad; literally scribbles, and puts it away*

Zandrea: *yawns and pokes the patient*

Casey: *snatches the poking utensil and begins cutting the patient open*

30 Minutes Later...

Casey: What this! *reaches inside the patient and pulls out a litte white rabbit with bloody patches on it* TADA!!!

Zandrea: BUNNY!!! *snatches the bunny and hugs it* You're name will be Lucy!

Casey: Lucy...fer? Heh, get it? Because Satan's name is Lucifer and it kinda..you know..

Zandrea and Bobby: *stare blankly at Casey*

Casey: ...SHUT UP! *rips out an organ unknown to him* Hm..won't need this...

Patient: *suddenly wakes up screaming in pain*

Casey: O_O!! HOLY SHIT!!! A ZOMBIE!!! *grabs another conveniently placed item, a shotgun, and blows the screaming cadaver away* HUZZAH!!

Zandrea: ... *wonders what the hell just happened*

Bobby: *pats his chest trying to calm down*

Nurse Ami: *kicks the doors in* What's going on in here?!

Casey: *seizes himself and drops the shotgun* Whoa..who are you?

Ami: I'm Ami, and you're...Casey, right?

Casey: *gets all goosebumpy* A fan?!

Ami: Maybe...

Casey: *nods* Sweet...I got a fan maybe! *looks at the completely bloody room and shrugs* I guess it's time for a break!

Zandrea: OOOH!!! DO WE GET BATS?!

Bobby: How about hammers?

Casey: I mean like..entertainment break... *pulls out a bloody cooler* Who wants to have a waterballoon fight?!

Zandrea, Bobby, and Ami: ME ME ME ME!

Casey: Alright then! *opens the cooler to reveal chilled blood packets from the donators* Everyone grab a few and nail anyone you see!

Ami: *starts laughing* You said nail anyone you see!

Casey: *starts laughing too* I did! *grabs a packet and hurls it at Bobby*

Bobby: *watches it splash against the table* That was awesome!

Casey: *grabs six more and hands a few to Ami then runs off down the hallway* They'll never find me here! *stands behind a thin tree*

Zandrea: Whoa?! Where the hell did Casey go?! *gets pegged in the back with an ice cold blood pack* FUCK!

Ami: *runs out and throws all the blood packets in the room at once*

Bobby: DAMMIT!!!

Ami: *sees Casey hiding* Prepare to be glomped!

Casey: *gasps and drops all his blood packets cusing them to coat his legs crimson red* SHIT!!

Ami: *runs and tackles Casey* Gotcha!

Casey: Gah! *struggles but can't get free then notices his perdicament and stops* So uh...what brings you here?

Zandrea: *runs out coated in blood with her now red bunny in arm* WHEEE!!! I LOVE BUNNIES SO MUCH!!! *twirls around and causes two patients and doctor to topple over each other*

Bobby: *steps out with the cooler over his head* I think the break is over now...

Casey and Ami: Awww...

Casey: *gets up and blinks as Ami stays clung to him* What the hell? How do you defy the laws of physics?

Ami: Do you really wanna know?

Casey: Yes, curiosity has always caught me...

Ami: Well, I-

Bob: *screams like a little girl* What did you do to this room?!?!?!

Casey: Huh? Oh! Dude! This zombie got up and attacked me!!

Ami: *nods and lets herself down*

Bob: Hm...well...I guess there's nothing I can do...I'll go get the fucking janitors!

Casey: That's the spirit!

Ami: I gotta go now, I'll be here same time tomorrow!

Casey: But I don't wear a watch!

Ami: You'll know where I am! *winks*

Casey: Ooo... *takes the wink as another gesture and slaps her ass*

The next day was filled with Dr. Casey approaching various patients in their beds for some get-to-know-your-patient psychology thing.

Room 406

Patient: *wakes up and rubs his chest then notices two scars on both sides* What the hell?

Casey: *turns around from the television* Oh, you're awake!

Patient: Why are there two scars?

Casey: *starts cracking up and slaps his knee* Oh man! You should've seen my face when I realized the X-ray was backwards!

Patient: *feels faint suddenly*

Room 216

Casey: Now hold still... *injects the fluid into the IV then blinks* Whoops..

Patient: What?! What happened?!

Casey: Shit, that was embalming fluid. This might sting a little...

Room 330

Casey: *sits in a chair with Ami, Zandrea, and Bobby around him and a child in the bed* And then, the ghouls rose from their graves craving the same thing...braaaiiinssss...

Kid: *shudders and holds the blankets above his head* No more!!!

Everyone: BRAAAAIIIINSSSS!!! BRAINSSSSSSS!!!

Kid: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *repeatedly hits the nurse call button*

Casey: SHIT!! EVERYONE OUT!!!

And so the days passed and Dr. Casey was accepted...somewhat. Let's not go into details about who disagreed. You know his seal of approval means it's A-OK! Even though it is on everything he finds fun or cool...