I sit in the glow of the street light
Nothing but the gray of the curb and the screeching of the distant cars a
couple blocks westward
This is where I grew up as a child
And as a different person than I am today, I soaked up the beauty that was
my home
Tonight I hear shouting coming from the house across the street
Something glass breaks, and apparently something intangible breaks as well
For a man storms out and zooms away in a beaten down truck while a young
woman stands on the porch and cries, one hand to her lips
She glances at me and turns to enter the house
I remember the old couple that used to live in that house
They served my sister and me gingerbread cookies and lemonade
I remember thinking it was odd to be served lemonade by an old lady when
that only ever happened in the movies
During the summer we would ride our bicycles back and forth in front of our
tiny house
We'd catch fireflies in the evening and place them in mason jars until
night fell when we'd release them, letting them race away until we could no
longer see them, wondering where exactly they went every night
Now, thinking back, I realize that I was like those fireflies, running away
I flew away from this place and now that I've returned I don't see the
beauty I once saw
I could blame it on the failing neighborhood or lack of money,
But something inside me knows that this neighborhood has always been this
way
That the change was inside myself
Something happened along the way that has changed the way I look at things
But as I sit on the curb, in the glow of the street light, in the middle of
this decaying neighborhood,
I long to be the child I once was
I long to find joy in the lemonade and fireflies
To change that decision to leave
To not run out on this neighborhood when my perception changed
I realize now that the problem never was the neighborhood
It was me