This has been in my head for a long time, and it seemed like putting it down in writing would be the only way

to get it out of my mind. Strap yourself in, it's gonna get weird.

In the basement of Bill Williams' South Carolina home, he and his best friend Mitch sat on

a ratty couch in the light of a TV screen. Their attention was riveted on the 26 inch Sony, where they

were locked in a battle to the death--Soul Calibur 2. After a few minutes of frantic button smashing

and the sounds of explosions coming from the speakers, the deathcry of a young woman was heard,

followed by the booming voice of an announcer; "Astaroth Wins!".

"Bullshit!" Mitch shouted, almost throwing his controller through the wall. "Man, you always

use Canyon Creation when you play Astaroth. You cheap ass, shit-faced cock jockey!.

"Dude, there was nothing cheap about it. That was pure skill. And Canyon Creation is my

finisher, my signature move. Face it; if I handed you your ass any other way, it just wouldn't be the

same". Bill laid his controller on the middle couch cushion next to the fossilized remains of a pizza,

slouched on the sofa, and popped his back, streching his arms behind his head. Most wouldn't

have considered it to be a wise move, as Mitch, who was a head taller and half again as wide as

Bill, was still on his feet ranting.

"Yeah? Well I was playing Talim right there. I'm not good with Talim" Mitch went on as he sat back down.

"Next round, I'm playing my boy Necrid, and you can keep your seven foot retard, and we'll see who-"

CRASH!.

A loud bang interuppted him in the middle of his rant, and both he and Bill turned around sharply

to the top of the basement stairs, where they saw a familiar silhouette...

"Ah, man.." Mitch wispered. "There's that Walrus, again."

"Dude, don't worry, I got this under control. Just sit down, don't move, and pause that fucking game!"

Bill told him as he reached behind his sofa. Both of them sat stock still, as the walrus plopped down each step,

and began waddling across the floor.

Bill and Mitch could have been made of stone for all they moved. The walrus didn't pay them any attention,

until Bill softly clucked his toungue three times..CLICK CLICK CLICK. The walrus looked up, and slowly began crawling

towards them.

Mitch looked around the room, ready to make a dash for freedom if Bill's plan didn't pan out. Bill only

kept his eyes locked on the walrus, and his arm tensed behind the couch. Both were sweating profusly. A mere foot away,

the walrus stopped, cocked his head, and stared at the two, sniffing the air. For one terrible moment, man and beast made eye

contact...

"Arrggghhhhh" Bill screamed as he lept at the walrus, bringing the axe down on it's face in a brutal overhand strike.

He burried the axe into it's skull, and began kicking it's twitching body, still screaming like a madman. Mitch

cringed and hid behind a throw pillow as Bill gave up kicking the body and climbed on top of the television. With one

last cry, he jumped from the top of the set, flipping in mid-air and landing on the walrus with a swanton bomb. As he lay

on the body, panting, it gave one final convulsion and lay still, blood seeping out of the wound in it's face.

For a few moments, all was silent. Tentitively, Mitch moved out from behind the pillow, and asked, in a

faltering voice, "Is it over?"

Dragging himself off the ground, Bill wearily shook his head. "Almost. Just one more thing...". Standing with his

back to the couch, he resolutely unzipped his fly and assumed a shooter's stance. A moment later, a stream of urine

splashed the face of their tormenter. Only when Bill zipped back up did they breathe a sigh of relief.

Pulling the axe from where it was embedded in the corpse, Bill collapsed on the couch and stowed the

weapon behind it, before leaning back and staring at the ceiling. Both were silent for a moment, before he looked over to

Mitch with a smile. "So... Still up for that rematch?"

Mitch nodded solemnly and handed Bill his control. "You know I am. But one thing. Are you just gonna leave that

there?" he asked, indicating the body.

"Oh, yeah, it's totally cool" Bill replied, as he went into the versus screen and chose Astaroth.

Mitch highlighted Necrid, but paused for a moment. "Have you been doing acid?'" he asked, with a sidelong glance

to his friend.

"Yeah. A little" Bill replied.

Mitch hit the button, selecting Necrid for the next fight.

--

Damn, but that was weird. I just can't give you any excuse for that; if someone else posted this, I probably wouldn't

like it. But like I said, this has been in my head for too long... Biggest problem I see is that this was a little wordy. I

promise, any future intallment of this will be short and to the point.

Oh, and as if I even need to mention, I don't own Soul Caliber 2, X Box, Sony,or a Walrus. I do own a copy of Soul

Calibur 2. And an axe. So any lawyers and walri (walruses?) can bring it on, anytime.