Chapter one A Joke

Do you want to hear something funny, oh well even if you don't im going to tell you something any way, the joke i have is basically my life. Here I am in school completely alone, sat in the head of transports office, whilst he babysits kids on a university trip. I have only just nicely got dry, just spent the last hour with my head stuck under a hand dryer, not only was my head stuck under the hand dryer but so was my socks, my shirt and my knickers...yes i said knickers. You see i had one of those amazingly brillant ideas of going for a walk for some lunch, complete innocence, until i stepped out into a ten foot gale and river rainstorm. "oh it's ok" i say aloud. "It's only rain, a bit of water won't hurt me", how wrong was I. I suppose i deserved it, did i really need those chips, and sausage and beans, and coke and some more chips...of course i did. So on the way back the rain got ridiculously heavy, being in the grumpy mood i was in i decided to be really clever and leave my hood down and get wet...not one of my best ideas i discover as i have just found a fish pond in my shoes. Back at school now, earlier i was freezing, i believe i have just scared off some potential school students with my hair flying madly under a hand dryer in a obvious bathroom, and OUCH!, i have just walked into a door frame...stupid door. The time is 2.25pm, it'll be class changeover in a minute, i'll watch that'll give me a laugh, oh wait here we go i hear a stampede overhead. Little students, there are thousands crawling the school, pushing and shoving each other into puddles, mud pits and toilets likewise. Ive had an exam this morning, History, they call it a source based investigation and give you a massive list of things you should learn, i get to the exam this morning and oh cool i think someones thrown up outside nice (im not eating school dinner again). The exam and the whole bloody thing is on Guy Fawkes, i mean theres only so much you can write on that guy and...confirmation some one has infact thrown up outside hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Now as i watch the puke being cleaned up i spot the teachers in a big line on the yonder side of the entrance hall, i think they are all queueing for a job interview, im not entirely sure what job...bet it's a cleaners job hahaha, i reckon it will be, they love to clean up after kids as i can see from looking outside the office door. It's raining again outside, the radio bangs on about big brother, now in big brother we have a local contestant, and the way they go on about him you'd think he was the queens next of kin, for God's sake, he's a hair dresser from Princess ave, called Dan, i mean how boring can you get. Any way your'e not here to hear about that priss, your here to hear about me. Well what can i tell you, im a 5.7 (i think) 16 year old, by the name of Hollz, my week name, my Sunday name is Hollie. Now i could tell you i am practically Aryan, blonde hair blue eyes, dimwit smile but im not. I have dark brown hair, grey eyes, and a very intelligent smile, well it think so anyway...and...oh God, nearly had a heart attack, the head of year nine has just come storming in here, demanding a video. Me: "Hi" HOY9 "Hello i need a video" slams door. Me: " What does it look like" HOY9: "Its square and video shaped" Me:( Mad look) Never, ...is this it" HOY9 : "yes im glad i came" walks out of the room. You see what crazies i have to put up with, and that was him in a good mood, i just had time to turn off the radio whilst he fought with the door handle. I live in a little village, i call it Dullsville Arizona, it has got to be the most pathetic little village in the world. We have in this order... A shop A butchers And...thats it. But it's not all boring can you guess who works a the shop...hahhaa you guessed it, that would be me. Yes i wear a red costcutter t shirt and know the price of a pound of potatoes... thats my job. Currently at school i am studying for my textiles exam, now i have a way of irritating my teacher in that subject immensly, it's quite funny actually. Because all of the girls in my textiles group are what you might call...erm...BORING!, i shine like a light on the top of a fridge, my designs are certainly not what you might call contemperary, i mean the last thing i designed was a cloak made of leaves, i mean how cool is that, i'd wear it wouldn't you, so imagine my anger when i found out i had to design a pair of jeans, because there aren't many of them kicking about...so contempary it had to be. "I want them contemperary Hollie (Sunday name)" my Dt teacher says. "Fine" i shout at her and proceed to design a denim waistcoat with flashing lights and floating fabric. That was a dodgy day, even dodgier than today, i'll tell you why, because imagine my suprise when i arrive in another bathroom, and discover that i have chewing Gum in my KNICKERS!! Told you my life was a joke.

A.N. Actually happened it still amazes me how it got there.