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So I sat down and looked around the room I'd been in a thousand
times, (she sits) at all your things. For some reason it was like I'd
never been there before. It was out of place and awkward, like it didn't
even make sense for this place to exist. It was almost like sacrilege that
you didn't exist in it.
As I sat there watching my own memories, like there were ghosts in
the room, it all felt wrong and I felt dirty just for being there. I
wanted to cry, but I couldn't. So I wanted a cigarette, but I didn't have
one. So I just got up and paced.
I walked back and forth over one section of this carpet until I
thought I was making holes. Then I walked in circles like I was dancing
with these ghost-memories that wouldn't stop haunting me. Telling me
stories of how happy we were, their laughter chilling me as much as any
scream any ghost ever uttered in some old movie. I had to cover that damn
sound so I hummed our song. Then, I cried.
When I was done I wiped my eyes and nose on my sleeve like I was a
child again, just like I used to when we met. I felt better and worse at
the same time which I suppose put me right back where I started. I got out
without the kids seeing my face, hiding my tears with sunglasses and my
cracking voice with what's left of my dignity.
I want you to know that I forgive you, and whatever force it was that
drug you away. Now, please, forgive me. Forgive me for being weak,
forgive me for being headstrong. Forgive me for wanting to run, forgive me
for standing and pushing it away.
-She suddenly looks confuse again as she comes out of this momentary trance. She looks around and remembers where she is. Then gets up, and surprisingly, she smiles as she walks off stage. -