Untitled January 2004

By Kara

"Sooner or later in our lives, we're going to be faced with some tough decisions. The inevitability of consequence dictates that this will be so, and in the process communicates to us-" Maura balanced on the edge of her desk- "that life is never easy."

She looked across the room over the heads of her students toward the opposite wall. Inspirational posters donated by the school board four years ago as compensation for withholding the new set of chemistry text books they were promised, sagged tattered and yellowed on the equally substandard wall.

Some schools displayed their pupil's projects on the walls, showing off the effort their kids put into their education. Leiland High's walls were decorated with average papers to hide the ventilation system that was visible through the cracked and crumbling walls.

"I've been given a decision to make, and facing you here today reminds me that it will not be simple, and it's very likely that I may regret my actions in the future."

Maura Pierce observed the faces of her students, wretched visages that had faced too much destitution, disappointment, and far too much undeserved discrimination in their short lives. The city had turned their faces gray, worn them down. The school had made them what they were, though - withdrawn, beaten, with features and imaginations dulled by the perennial dark cloud that hung above Leiland High's sullied, collapsing walls.

Maura sighed inwardly, massaging her right temple with two slender fingers. Was education of youth considered so inconsequential these days that things had to come to this?

Leiland High School was more of a bane than a benefit to its students, its faculty, and the entire surrounding community. Maybe at one time it was a beautiful place. But as she stared now at the cracked linoleum floor with the missing tiles so the concrete was showing, then glanced to the windows, with their spider web glass panes and duck-taped bland curtains, Maura could not begin to comprehend how such a desolate, abandoned building could ever have been anything but the insult it was today.

As if that hadn't been enough, the health code inspectors had delivered the final blow the previous week. Maura's mind recalled the previous Tuesday afternoon as she stood before her students.

^*^*^

"Read chapter four tonight, and answer questions two through fifteen for tomorrow." Maura instructed as she closed her teacher's edition and set it down on the cluttered, uneven desk that she'd inherited with the room.

Her students were already filing out of the room, and Maura knew that they would were headed to their houses where their equally destitute home lives awaited them. And yet still they did not hesitate to deliver themselves as quickly as possible from the classroom atmosphere.

Maura didn't blame them. How could she? She too was anxious to gather her things and escape from the dreary environment that was all Leiland High offered. Sitting at home with a cup of tea and a novel sounded ideal over anything else, Maura realized.

And it was a shame, too. At one point in her younger life, Maura was sure she remembered having a love for teaching. She blew through her college years with gusto and when she got to the finish, she was dismayed to discover her first job was as an English teacher's assistant at this small public school in the city. But she took her assignment with swallowed pride and a sense of duty, and became a teacher in her own rights, ignoring all the pitfalls along the way.

This was supposed to be her dream. Ever since high school this was all she could recollect wanting to do with her life, but now that she was here, all she could think about was how much she abhorred her chosen career.

How had this happened? Maura thought. When were my illusions shattered?

It's this school, Maura knew this. Leiland High was the reason for her depression. It seemed like anyone who entered through its doors were destined to a life of misery, even those who only meant to spend their obligatory four years within the school's walls.

"I read Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment, just like you said I should."

Maura looked up, then back down at the desk, gathering her papers into a neat pile. "That's wonderful, Dean. What did you think of it?"

"I liked it... I borrowed Hamlet from the library. I'm going to read it next."

"Not our library?" Maura asked dubiously.

"No." Dean Bremner laughed bitterly. "No, not our library. I borrow from the Hewlett Library. It takes a little longer to get there, but it's better than borrowing from our school."

Dean shifted from one foot to the other. "Abby and Gregg asked me the other day if I'd heard anything from the school board about forming that advanced English class." The words had spilled out of his mouth like there wouldn't be another chance to utter them, but once they were out, the kid faltered, trailing off at Maura's troubled expression.

"I'm sorry, Dean." Maura avoided his crestfallen gaze, ashamed. "The school board only expects nine or ten students to even be able to take a class like that, and there just aren't the funds or the space available for a class so small."

"Oh-it's OK." Dean cast a glance about the room, reaching for his backpack. "I gotta go." He mumbled, heading toward the door, but Maura's voice stopped him.

"I'd agree to teach it in an instant if I were able, Dean. You know that right?"

"Yeah." Dean laughed, but it was an empty gesture.

"You're a bright kid. You deserve more than this. I'm so sorry, Dean."

Dean's eyes flashed reassurance at Maura, "It's OK Ms. Pierce. I know you would," and he disappeared into the hall.

Maura looked back at her battered wooden desk, dismissing the incensed impulse to shove everything to the ground. It would be showing it at least the same respect the city showed its educational system and the people in it.

Breathing deeply, Maura gathered her books in a bag and walked out of the classroom, not bothering to lock the door behind her. What was there to steal? She walked through the halls, her echoing footsteps communicating to her that she was the only one left in the desolate building. She walked outside and headed toward the section of the building where the main offices were. There was a hallway that connected the two, but it had been closed for renovation and was now inaccessible. That had been two years ago. If repairs ever came, Maura would have been impressed.

After eight hours in the grimy, dim classroom, Maura would have welcomed a breath of fresh air, but that was another luxury the city deprived her of. For years now, the air had hung heavy with soot from a nearby factory. The atmosphere was hardly breathable anymore, and much of that pollution invaded the school walls, but there simply was not enough money to protect those inside from getting sick. The school, the one environment that should have been able to offer young people at least the most basic protection, could not even dispense that anymore.

It wasn't long before Maura found herself inside again, before the rough, lacerated, wooden door, with foggy glass that she suspected had been clear once upon a time. She paused a moment, then rapped lightly on the door.

"Come in." James Graft, his voice sonorous and sorrowful, called to her from behind the closed door. Maura ignored the groaning of the hinges and walked in the room, seating herself in a chair before the desk per Graft's request.

"You wanted to talk to me today?"

"Yes." Graft had been the principal of the school for four years. It was the longest any administrator had stayed at Leiland. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Is it about the advanced class? Did we get the go ahead yet?" Maura said before she could stop herself, though she knew it was in vain.

Graft shook his head solemnly, and Maura noticed him remove his glasses and rub the perennial bags under his eyes, making his dark skin even darker. He replaced his glasses and looked at Maura, smiling half- heartedly for her benefit. "I'm sorry, Pierce. You know how the board is. We're still waiting for that shipment of new computers they promised us three years ago."

"These kids deserve this, you know, Graft? They're smart. Smarter than the board gives them credit for, smarter than even you or I give them credit for."

"I know that, Pierce." Graft said sincerely. "If I've noticed anything in my four years here, it has been the tremendous potential in student after student repeatedly going to waste. I've asked the school board for help but the grants keep getting denied. I'm regretful to say the public's necessity is not preoccupied with the educational system. I'm sorry, Pierce. The money's not there."

Pierce felt stricken, but nodded silently. "I understand. What is it you wanted to speak with me about?"

"I got a call from the administrator over at Grenville High School. An English teacher of theirs retired early, and they've got an opening." Maura knew what was coming, and was surprised to feel daunted nonetheless. "They want you to take his place, Pierce."

"I-" Maura opened her mouth to speak but lost her grip on the words. This was her dream. This was what she had wanted since the day she graduated from high school herself - to be recognized and appreciated. Grenville was on a better side of town; more faculties were available at its expenses. If she taught there, Maura knew she could make a difference, whereas at Leiland it was hard enough getting the students to attend class. "I-I don't know," she faltered.

Graft looked confused at the woman's words. "What are you talking about? I thought this was what you wanted."

"It was. It is. But things change. I don't know if I can accept the offer yet." She found herself admitting.

The bewildered look stayed on Graft's face, then he softened. "I don't know what's going through your head Pierce, but you've got a week to decide whether you want to take this job. They won't wait forever."

"I know." Maura stood up hurriedly, gathering her bag. "I'm just going to need some time to think about it. I'll get an answer." She paused to hear Graft's parting words before walking out the door, a thousand revelations buzzing through her mind.

^*^*^

And now here she stood, in front of the classroom, in front of thirty pairs of expectant eyes. It's funny, she thought, how you never realize how much you've touched a life, until your loyalty comes into play. She hardly suspected that the students would notice her absence, but Maura knew now that that wasn't true.

"I've been offered a teaching position at Grenville High School. I've thought long and hard over this past week about whether I would accept that offer."

"Ms. Pierce, you're leaving?" Maura heeded the student who had spoken.

"I knew you'd have something to say about my choice, Dean, no matter what it happens to be, and I'm grateful that I've made that much of a difference for you." She smiled. "I've been here for three years, you guys. This building has instilled in me many emotions, but it's you guys that have given me hope." How could she abandon the students at Leiland to this city? It would make her no better than the school board in charge, who discarded potential so quickly. Who else would fight for them?

Graft's parting words wafted through her head once more, "You're one of the best teachers I've ever had, Maura. I want you to be happy, but I want you to leave your impression on the world as well. Be where you know you can teach and make an honest difference."

"I decided not to leave." Maura concluded. "If I'm supposed to expect you guys to come here every day, I ought to show up myself, huh?" Some students laughed, and Maura continued. "I will be right here at this desk tomorrow, next week, and every day after that so long as students continue to enter these walls. Even if I have to get the materials needed to teach you on my own, I will make sure someone cares about your education, this I promise you."

The bell rang once again, signaling the end of class, the end of the school day, but as the seconds ticked by, Maura was astonished to see that not one seat was vacated, and thirty pairs of eyes remained fixed on her alone.