The steam from my coffee curls up from my mug like a brewing witch’s cauldron, unfurling itself into the air with the chill of the morning. I can barely keep my eyes open and I don’t know why I am even out of bed this early in the morning. It’s the cold; I have to believe that, I have to believe that I wake up with the freeze rather than the real reason… The real reason I can barely sleep anymore, the real reason I can’t dream.

You were gone again this morning, already disappearing from my life piece by piece. Every time I clean the house, another part of you is missing. I make two coffees every morning and one is poured away; the white steam rising from the cold steel sink. I can’t help but think of you when the cold sets in. Winter arrives and so does the ghost of your memory.

I wish that I could be strong, that I could tell you to leave me forever. Take everything now, not little bits, little bits (broken bits of me) and leave me hanging on. It isn’t fair; I can’t watch you any longer. My coffee has grown cold from my uncaring touch, I bring it to my lips and it freezes under my breath. An ice maiden, cruel and unforgiving. Or so I would have you believe.

It seems easier this way, believing that it was my decision, believing that I did it all by myself. I know the truth, I sometimes think that you know too but you’re not telling anyone. I don’t know the reasons why, I don’t think I ever will so I just feel you leave me. Every Winter. Piece by piece.