A Beloved’s Bittersweet Torture

Summary: Bella Jacobs has been burned by unrequited love. After her first heartache, she vowed to not let the same guy (or any guy) hurt her again. When she sees James Parker again and spends time with him, Bella becomes confused – does she love him, or hate him for what he did? Just when she is ready to forgive, and ready to put give her heart again, she discovers his secret and learns to love the very guy who broke her heart.

A/N: Awww, here’s the last chapter – the last installment of this bittersweet torture. Read EVERYTHING, okay? I hope you won’t be disappointed! And REVIEW to tell me what you thought of this whole story. Pardon the mistakes/typos/grammar errors but…I’m only human! I’m trying to be perfect though, :P so until the next story comes along…! See ya!

+read, enjoy, review+

Chapter 20 – She’s His Beloved

            Bella watched the scene unfold before her very eyes. Everyone was happy, laughing and talking. Her heart ached miserably, crying out that she too wanted to be happy just like her friends. She watched sadly and enviously as Andy slung an arm around V and whispered something in her ear. V blushed and giggled like a silly schoolgirl teenager. She admonished him by hitting him, albeit lightly, on the head. Andy retaliated by wrapping his arms around her and giving her a noisy wet kiss.

            Bella couldn’t help herself but she smiled. Even though she was jealous of her friend’s happy love lives, she was happy for them.

            “Get a room!” Tory exclaimed, completely grossed out.

            “No PDA in front of friends!” Penny agreed.

            “That’ll take the fun out life,” V said, pouting as she looked at Andy, their hands held tight as though they couldn’t have enough of each other.

            “Do you wanna leave?” he murmured, giving her a mischievous grin and wiggling his eyebrows at her.

V’s jaw dropped. “Mr. Thomas!”

He laughed. “I’m just kidding!”

Bella laughed and shook her head. She wasn’t sure if she would get used to Andy and V flirting right before her eyes.

James was right. It wasn’t long before V and Andy finally announced that they were dating. And it looked like Tory and Bryant were headed for that direction as well. Now, they were having their small and simple Christmas party – just friends with friends’ boyfriends (or girlfriends) at Penny’s house. There was pizza, chips, a Christmas cake (something they made up because there was no such thing), chicken fingers and beer.

As Penny had said, no party was complete without beer.

            Bella wasn’t a drinker, though. She wasn’t a fan of alcohol.

As recollections of the past came back to her, her smile slowly diminished. She was staring intently at her palm, as though trying to decipher her future (she didn’t know how to palm-read) and didn’t notice James sit down beside her.

He gently nudged her with his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

It had been two weeks since she read his card. Though, she was still bound to feel awkward with him around, she was able to talk to him, civilly for the sake of friendship. She made sure, though, that the subject of the card and of whatever happened wasn’t brought up. She a suspicious James felt the same way.

Bella jerked her gaze off her hands, and stared at James, his hands clasped between his knees as he waited for her reply. She couldn’t believe that he the only boy (so far) who made her heart beat differently. She sighed. “I’m okay.”

She was glad that even though the others had invited Liv to join their party of eight, James showed up alone. He made up the excuse that Liv wanted to spend time with her family. Bella suspected that James didn’t bring Liv for her benefit, and she was glad he was being considerate. She didn’t know how she would’ve reacted with Liv around. She probably would’ve been so stiff and rude to Liv.

“Doesn’t sound too okay,” James teased, bringing her thoughts back to reality.

Bella smiled at him, feeling foolish about lying when it was obvious she wasn’t okay. “Okay, you got me, Parker. I’m guess I’m just tired,” she mumbled truthfully. And then added in a small soft voice, “I don’t know.”

“From all this?” he wanted to know, gesturing at their six friends laughing in front of them. He wrinkled his forehead, concernedly.

Bella shook her head fervently. “Oh no, I don’t think I can ever get tired of this!” she exclaimed, “I don’t think I can live without my friends!”

James waited patiently.

Bella took a deep breath. “What I mean is that I get tired from all the work and the things to do. I’m thankful that it’s Christmas break already. Some much needed rest for me.”

I’m tired with...love.

Love wears you down, especially, three years worth of love.

James remained silent.

Bella took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them, James was looking at her in a concerned way a very best friend would look at his (or her) best friend who was facing all the troubles in the world, and needed every bit of encouragement and support. He looked so sweet and so endearing, and so caring.

“But you know what?” she continued softly. “Despite all the stress, and the work, and the sleepless tired nights, the tiring moments when I just want to give this all up and quit and live my own life with nothing to do and just be useless, I still want to do this,” she said with complete conviction. Then she laughed. “Even though I’m not entirely sure what this is.”

James chuckled.

“Bottom line is despite everything, I still want to be me,” Bella went on. She was smiling when she said softly, almost to herself, “I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting to be just me. Maybe more, but never less.”

In her mind, she remembered something.

‘Maybe it was God’s blessing that He made James my friend. I think if not more, I’ll settle for less,’ she had once said to her friends. She sighed and stared at the ceiling. She was sure being paradoxical.

James reached over and squeezed her hand. “That’s what a like about you, Cinderella.”

Bella half-smiled at him, her eyes peering closely at him. She tried to ignore the feel of that cold metal against her skin. That cold metal etched with the name of his new girlfriend. From what she knew, it was Liv’s early Christmas present to him, a silver ring with her name on it. She didn’t know if Liv was also wearing a ring with James’ name on it.

She was sure she didn’t want to know.

She rolled her eyes at him. “You and your nicknames for me, Jamsie.”

Tory and Penny glanced in her direction. They both smiled a sad smile, and were looking at her as if to ask, do you want us to rescue you from the big bad James?

Bella shook her head at them. I’m fine. He can’t hurt me again.

James’ head was bowed so he hadn’t seen this. When he finally looked up, he was looking at her seriously, and gazing so intensely deep at the soul Bella was keeping tightly locked up inside her. She always feared what he might say. We can’t be friends anymore. I know you like me, but I can never like you. I have a girlfriend now...

He had said something like that before, after they had kissed, and Bella wasn’t sure if she could stand hearing those words again.

But what he said was completely different from what she had expected. But it was something she’d often heard lately, from her friends and her brothers. And yes, even her parents (she had confessed to them everything).

“You’re a tough princess, Bella. I’m sure you’ll have your own fairytale story.”

She tilted her head towards him and smiled. “Are you by any chance Hans Christian Andersen?”

James chuckled. “Maybe I can write a story about Princess Bella and how she can survive everything,” he said with a wink at her. “That is what I love about you,” he whispered to her ear, moving close. “You know that don’t you?”

Bella stared at James, her mouth slightly agape. He’d never said that to her before.

Stopping the tears that were forming in her eyes, and in her heart, she placed a hand over his (which she realized unconsciously had never left hers since he put them there). Smiling sweetly at him, she found herself saying in a quiet voice, “I know, James. I know.”

And the truth was, she did. She truly did.

Even if it was probably just brotherly love or a platonic kind of love, at least, James cared for enough and he loved her now.

“Come over here you two, and let’s welcome Christmas!” Penny called cheerfully as she lit the candles on the cake. There were eight candles and each of them would blow one candle.

Bella giggled as all eight of them squeezed around the cake.

“Everyone ready?” Carver asked, his arm around Penny and Andy.

Andy gave V a quick kiss before turning back to the cake. V giggled happily and shoved him lightly.

Everyone else groaned.

“Will you please stop?” Tory cried exasperatedly as she reached past V to slap Andy on the head.

Suddenly, everyone was laughing and talking at the same time while the candles burned brightly.

“Can we just blow the cake for Christmas’ sake?” Bella called loudly amidst all the noise.

“Yeah leave the love play for later,” James added, grinning.

Carver hooted. “Speak for yourself, Jamsie-boy.”

They gathered once more around the cake, and moved closer to their respective candles. Penny held a camera in her hand and a bright flash went before their eyes, and they all flinched. Penny laughed and still bickering, they faced the cake again. Penny, Carver, Andy, V, Tory, Bryant, Bella and James all blew their candles.

“Merry Christmas!”

            Everyone hugged everyone else. Bella felt from everyone encouraging, supportive and caring hugs as they told her, through their body language, that everything will work out for the best. The last person she hugged was James. Engulfed in his tight embrace, he softly told her, “Merry Christmas, Aimé.” But he intentionally whispered the last word and Bella wasn’t sure what it meant. She didn’t have the chance to ask him why because then everyone began singing Christmas carols and she forgot about it.

Bella kept James’ confession a secret for a few days before she told her friends. She didn’t know, but she wanted to keep it to herself first, as though she had this major secret no one knew about except her and James. The feeling both exhilarated and saddened her. She wondered now what was going to happen to them. Were they ever going to be together?

James had hurt her more than any guy had. Yet, she found herself forgiving him over and over and over and over again for what he did not know he had done and for things he knew he hadn’t done. All that mattered was he knew, now what he had done, or had not done.

One day during the Christmas break, Bella had another revelation that made her heart weep with so much joy. It was all becoming a bittersweet torture to her, but she didn’t care really. The way she was feeling, she wanted to undergo this kind of torture again and again.

“Do you guys know what Andy wants to call me?” V demanded, as she sat down on the porch swing of Tory’s house. Without waiting for a reply, she plunged ahead. “He wants to call me Aimé!”

“What’s that?” Tory asked, lounging on the floor of her porch.

Why does that sound familiar? Bella thought, furrowing her brow.

“Not Amy, or Aimee,” V hastened to correct. “But Aimé. It’s apparently French for ‘beloved’,” she paused and stuck out her tongue. “I told him it was too cheesy and too romantic, even for me! He told me, he was glad I said that. He just wanted to make sure if I wanted him to give me some love-name. I told him, no way! I’m happy with him calling me V, thank you very much.”

“Where’d he get that?” Tory asked, chuckling. “I never knew he was Mr. Language of Love.”

Beloved?

“Funny you should ask,” V mumbled, glancing cautiously at Bella.

Penny wrinkled her nose. “Why?”

“Well,” V began, looking straight at Bella, “he got it from James.”

“What? I don’t get it,” Bella said, frowning. James never called her that and she said this out loud, “James has never called me that,” she added with a shake of her head.

“I know,” V replied, “Andy told me that that’s what James calls you when he thinks he’s alone,” V slowly explained, letting out the secret from the bag. “They never bothered to ask James what it meant and to whom it referred to because James didn’t know they knew and they weren’t supposed to listen. But when they listened, they realized that aimé meant ‘beloved’ and that James was referring to you.”

“He calls you his ‘beloved’?” Tory asked, completely surprised.

Penny smiled meaningfully. “Interesting.”

Beloved.

V nodded. “Obviously, James wants it to be kept a secret.”

Bella didn’t know what to make of it.

After all, James was with Liv and wasn’t it almost like cheating on his girlfriend if he was calling someone else his beloved?

Love sure was confusing and it was almost like an annoying prankster. It would play pranks and tricks on you over and over again until you would get annoyed and irritated. But for Bella, she wasn’t getting annoyed or irritated. In fact, she was getting more confused.

What did it all mean?

There was no doubt in her heart that James loved Liv. He was a decent guy after all. He only loved her as a friend.

Bella knew now that loving someone you can’t have was perfectly okay. She may have learned the hard way (three years of her life!) but that didn’t matter. After all the heartaches and the apologies, she learned to heal and she learned to forgive.

If it came only to that, she was glad to be friends with James Parker.

If this was what was meant to be, then so be it.

Bella told herself that if this had happened before, she never would have made too much thought about it. She would merely think that James was teasing her, flirting with her. But now, well, now, she knew he meant it. It wasn’t a joke, or a lie. It was the truth.

And that was good enough for Bella Jacobs.

THE END

This, I think, is my first story that is somewhat based on my own life. Something like this happened to me, although what happened to me wasn’t exactly the same with happened to Bella. Some parts of this story I added to make it more…bittersweet. My story won’t have a happy ending though but I think, for Bella, maybe she will have a different ending – a happier one than mine.

;P

There’s another story done. I hope you liked this…despite everything. Love conquers all, after all. Don’t worry, I have a new one on the way. And, a very advanced Happy Christmas to all you readers!! :D