The taste of betrayal
 

        Her hair dripped as she left the bathroom, with her shower that attempted to wash everything away. I had many of those showers, so I knew what it was. She wanted to wash the tension, the anger, the misunderstandings, ever tense muscle that I created being who I am and what I felt. I stayed only because I new the words had to be spoken. I had to say something but I wouldn’t know where to begin or to end for that matter. She watched my gaze that was upon her, as she stood in front of her bed, in which I stayed, watching her in her towel. She wanted me watching her, as she dropped her towel to make sure I stayed focused on her. She knew what I was feeling; she knew what I was thinking. She knows that I can’t take the feeling that I want to touch her, to kiss her, and to most hold her. I turned my head, I was tempted and she knew it all to well. She could always feel my emotions bursting through my sweet, she knows because it was like her own. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. She smiles only because she knows it kills me, she knows I can feel it without even looking. Her hand touches mine, as I can feel her closer to me. Feeling the warmth of her skin close to me, creating a tear from my eye, while I was hoping it would blind me from seeing what I knew.
        “Please” she whispered in my ear, as she took my hand and put it on her stomach. Her betrayal, her baby, her future, she forced my hand to touch it with my hand but couldn’t get myself to face. “Please. I love you.” I face it only because I new I had to act strong.      “Please.” Her begging me was new to me; it used to be the other way around. She liked it when I begged, it turned her on. She always had like to have some control, not this time. I couldn’t let her have me this time.
        “I only came to say goodbye.” I whispered as I stood up and started to walk away. “You should get dressed before you catch cold.”
        Her eyes were crying. I tried to convince myself I didn’t care. I did care. I love her still and it was what I hated most about what I felt inside. Everything would be so much easier if I didn’t love her. This wouldn’t hurt so much, I wouldn’t have to consume this taste in my mouth.
        “Please” she whispered again, as she cried harder. “Please don’t leave me a lone”
        Love is cruel, love hurts, and who ever said love means you never have to say sorry knows shit.
        “You’re a slut,” I stroke out in anger, I never thought I say a harsh word towards someone, I never heared some weep openly for what I did, but it didn’t stop me, “I don’t want any part of it.”
        “Please,” I turned my head to her again only because I had to face her one more time, or because she’ll always be my forbidden fruit.
        “I have a child,” she stated the words; she could hide it for the longest time. She could show me recently, but now she said the words and it filled the air with her now poisoned innocent image.
        “I am not the father,” I half laughed out like all of this was a joke upon me. “pretty sure women cant make a child together..”

        “Please.” She looked down.

        “What do you want me to do about it? Go back in the past, stop you from betraying me with a man who ended up making you with child.” I couldn’t take my throat as dry as it was, I couldn’t take the feelings inside. I couldn’t take how she stood naked in front of me, naked begging please. Maybe I was being cruel, maybe I shouldn’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave, but she can’t love me. Not the way I love her, where you don’t betray, you don’t lie, you love one person.
        “Please,” how many times could she say the word? If I stayed it wouldn’t be long until she cheated on me again. It wouldn’t be long until I saw her child as my own that she then would take love away from me.
        I hug her in my arms, as she cries on my shoulder. She always did rest her head upon me.  Maybe if I was stronger I walked away. Instead I wrap her in a robe and lay her down in my arms, as she buries her head into my chess and cries.   I also was told true love knows forgivness. Can I trully forgive this? Not hold this against her.
        “I love you,” I whisper, I know it will happen again. I know my heart if I ever get it back she’ll break it again. It’s the taste of betrayal I know too well, but I love her and now her child. This is now, till I taste her betrayal again.