written 2004.07.16
uploaded 2004.07.17

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Pretending"
by Damascus Ochre

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

lost in your nostalgia
you feel what you want
you remember what you don't
you try to forget
but you want to keep it in your mind
why can't you decide
it hurts so bad
but you love hurting yourself
stop dreaming
this is a dreamless world
you'll never survive
to pretend is to succeed
to be true is your demise
don't let petty emotions get in the way
no matter how hard you fall
every sight
every sound
makes you want to
drop to your knees
and pray that you'll find him
fuck, you know you're dead
wrong
ocean breezes swift through your hair
you wish you could jump
but you know you won't
you're too scared to do it
so don't
pretend you're alive
and let your wings fly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know what this poem means. Right now, I honestly don't care. It's
how I'm feeling. Was listening to a pretty piano, techno-ish song and was
reminded of Sora and Riku in the water for the intro to Kingdom Hearts.
*shrugs* Then the poem just kept going. Yeah, started as nostalgia, and my
mind provided the rest.

Written after I posted in my Xanga, logged off, washed up, wrote some more
on my private "random muses/thoughts" to myself, then was about to sleep
(nearly 11 pm), but sat and closed my eyes to listen to the song. About
halfway through it, I started writing. When Steven Cravis's "Reunion"
started playing, I just kept going. I don't remember where in the poem I
was when songs switched. Hard to tell, since the poem just jumps from
subject to subject.

Screw. I don't think I'll really capitalize/punctuate my poems anymore. -_-
U It doesn't seem to matter to me anymore. Besides, thoughts like to be
grammar-/mechanics-less, ne? Maybe that's why people love staying on the
internet so much. *shrugs* Whatever, though.