A/N- This was based on a dream I had recently, although it was more like a movie when I dreamt it (as in I wasn’t a character) but I thought that it would work well in first person so… it’s in first person smiles

Romantic Intentions

I’d always had a simple life, fairly routine and, yes that does translate to boring. Everyday was as close to being the same as it makes no odds. I was a member of one of the most prestigious schools in the country, and so there were certain expectations of me. These, of course, came from my parents who wanted me to do the family name proud, if only because nobody else had.

Let me explain a little about my family. My mother is a homemaker, a housewife, not that there’s anyone at home most of the time. She often wears old, comfy clothes not wanting to ruin her better outfits that she wears when she goes out with my father. I suppose she thinks that if they look nice together nobody will care about the rest of the family and their problems. Her shoulder length black hair is kept out of her face by a mid blue handkerchief, that is remarkably a similar colour to her eyes.

However I take after my father appearance wise. I have the same unruly, wavy mid brown hair which is near impossible to tame. I also have his dark brown, almost black eyes. People are often taken aback when they see them but I guess I’m used to it by now. He works as a manager for a small manufacturing business, and spends a lot of time in his office tucked into the corner of the factory. Well, he says that’s where he spends his time and maybe he does, although that would mean that his bit on the side would have to go and visit him. I think that, stupidly, he is certain that we couldn’t possibly know about it. I always wondered where I got my intelligence from.

I don’t think I could have made it through my childhood if it hadn’t been for my elder brother. I always thought that Troy and I were as different as night and day, you’ll have to pardon the cliché but I believe that it’s appropriate. He would be the night, the darker one, always in trouble. He began smoking at a young age, fourteen I think, and drinking not long after. I suppose that most would label him an alcoholic but I think that the love I have for him makes me believe that it isn’t all that bad. He also does drugs but he’s not a druggie, and I’m sure that it’s not just the brotherly connection obscuring the truth that makes me say that.

Much to our parents’ dismay Troy never really amounted to much. He makes enough money to afford his own place, and to entertain his pleasures (which usually amounts to alcohol, the ‘softer’ drugs, and some attractive young males, being that he’s gay and all). Although I’m always hard pressed to remember what he actually does for a living.

Thankfully, he has no real expectations of me, although he always offers the advice that I should be myself, and do what I want to do. But to counteract this, I have an aunt who takes an active role in piling on the pressure. Her name is Kamella, and she has ash blonde hair that she wears down and it cascades in waves to the middle of her back. It always amuses me how different the hair colours are between her and her sister, my mother. But they share the same blue eyes, the exact shade of the other sister’s. She never had a child of her own, although she’s already been married no less than four times. I suspect that she knows she’ll never have a child and so she forces all of the mothering nature she possesses (which isn’t much) onto me. Along with this it means I get more pressure than I need.

Sometimes it feels that the world is against me, but at school it wasn’t so bad. Will was in all of the same classes as me and so we were naturally best friends, especially given the fact that he sat in front of me for all of them. That and he never, ever gave me shit about anything, except in the playful way we took the piss out of each other. Also, when people decided it was time to start the latest rumour about my family he was always there backing me up. Looking back, I guess that what happened was bound to at some point but nonetheless it took me, and Will, by surprise.

I remember that when he was working, Will would turn his body to the side so that we could talk easier. It also afforded me the nice view of his floppy black hair falling into his hazel eyes, not that I would admit, at the time, how much I enjoyed the image.

We shared similar dreams, both of us wished to be doctors, and thankfully we had the brains to do it. Although the way Will took his tests was peculiar. Whilst I thought carefully about each option presented (we often took multiple choice ones) he randomly selected letters as his answers… he knew that he was good and would be able to handle the normal written exams, I knew it as well. But, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me, what was baffling was the fact that Will still did extremely well despite the fact he didn’t even try.

And that was my life. Maybe it wasn’t as normal as I may have led you to believe but it was hardly a science-fiction novel. And so it continued, my questionable home life and my school life with Will.

Well, some things happen without warning, and this was one of those.

I was sat in my normal seat, Will in front of me, although due to the nature of the lesson actually being a test, he didn’t have his body turned towards mine, which was a shame. There wasn’t anything particularly difficult on the test, it was pretty standard stuff to be honest, yet I found that I couldn’t focus properly. I felt a lack of concern about it, I felt apathetic.

So I thought that if I just did what Will usually did, just this once, it would be okay. I inputted my answers onto the computer (I did mention that this was a prestigious school didn’t I? That does mean plenty of funding and high tech equipment). But no, I then deleted all my answers. I just couldn’t do anything. Time was up. I had no answers. I got up from my seat, and made my way to the back of the class, and the exit. I almost collided with the teacher.

“Tristan!” she barked out in a shrill voice. I never really liked it, it always seemed to go right through me. Of course I needed an excuse, so I quickly muttered something along the lines of, “I’m going to be sick,” and just carried on my merry way.

It goes without saying that my destination was definitely not the toilets, or even my home. I don’t think I was quite certain where I wanted to go and so I just kind of walked.

At one point I came across two police officers, a man and a woman. The man was balding and the woman had copper coloured hair, and I suspected that both would want to stop me and question why I wasn’t at school. I was in my school uniform after all, and it was still school time. I began preparing the lie in my mind, I think I was going to claim to be on my way to the dentist, or doctors or something. Thankfully, it didn’t come to that, they just informed me that I couldn’t go down my chosen route, but that didn’t concern me. I just went a different way.

Eventually I ended my journey. It turned out that I’d walked to my brother’s place, which was a damn sight better than being at home. He’d given me a key, knowing that I would prefer to be with him as opposed to our parents, or any other member of our family for that matter. Although I’d been spending more and more time with Will, which was never a bad thing.

I’d opened the door cautiously, I never was, and still aren't, certain of what to expect when I entered Troy’s domain. That day wasn’t so bad. One time I’d walked in on him entertaining a male ‘friend’ if you get my drift. Certainly one of the memories I’d like to have pushed out of my mind. Although… I guess I should admit that, just after it happened, I’d thought about it, but instead of it being Troy and some faceless conquest, it was me and Will showing our love for each other. Yeah, I know, it was kooky.

“Troy?” I’d called out, wanting to know if he was about. He was. I explained to him how I wanted to lay low and stay there with him for a while. He accepted it without questioning why I wanted to remain off of our parents’ radar, which is one of the reasons I love him so much. He just let things flow without causing too much of a problem.

It was the night that I’d arrived at Troy’s when someone rang the doorbell, my brother had gone to see the landlord about the rent, so I approached the door somewhat warily, but thankfully there was a spy hole. I looked and found that it was Will. I smiled despite myself and opened the door.

He knew what my brother was like, only he knew a truer version than the gossips at school. I gestured him in saying, “I see that the prostitute I hired has arrived.” Playing along, as he normally did, he replied, “You know you’re my favourite client.”

At the time I’d laughed along with him, but inside I was hurt at the thought that I wasn’t the only one in his life. It was absurd, we were only messing around, and besides it’s not like we were actually a couple. I didn’t even think that he liked me in that way. Still your heart will do what it wants, not what you would like it to do.

We settled on the floor, leaning against the navy blue sofa which was ridden with cigarette burns, and we were speaking as we normally did, skilfully avoiding what had happened at school. I think that I could probably have gone back the next day, claimed to have been feeling extremely ill, and gotten away with the barest of punishments, but I didn’t want to. I think that Will could tell that something was wrong with me, although neither of us knew what.

When we were sat there something came over me. All of my feelings, those I knew about and those I didn’t, came rushing to the fore front of my mind. Before I became aware of what I was doing I was kissing Will. It was a clumsy kiss, I’m not going to lie, and it was the first time I’d kissed somebody with romantic intentions. Sounds sort of noble wording it like that, ‘romantic intentions.’

We were both shocked and understandably Will left, leaving me alone. Troy returned and I told him that he’d have to clean up the place and I went to bed despite the early hour.

I didn’t go back to school the following day, or even the following week. I just spent my time wallowing about my brother’s place. I managed to avoid speaking to our parents however the peace couldn’t last forever- Kamella came for a 'friendly' visit. Joy of joys, the interfering bitch. She came and invaded my temporary sanctuary, brandishing a letter. I just stared dully at her, and her letter. I didn’t really focus on what she said, I didn’t want to hear it. Unfortunately she’s a little hard to ignore.

I caught the gist of what she was saying. I’d already missed four exams, and had effectively slaughtered my chances of getting into university. She proceeded to tell me that I could have gotten a scholarship, worth around £4000, but I’d spoilt it all. I didn’t want to hear it. I acted like ever the mature person I was, and walked out.

Although I wasn’t walking for long, I was soon running, and I recognised the place I had escaped to. The factory that my father was manager of. I wondered if it was my subconscious that had been guiding me, at the insistence of my aunt, that this is the kind of place I would end up at now. I can’t say that it was a pleasing prospect.

I knew that my father always parked at the back on the building, which was where I was stood, and so I could tell that, due to the lack of car, I wouldn’t run into him. I thanked God for small miracles. It really would have been the perfect way to end such a good day.

I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I found myself walking through the factory, ignoring all of the workers. But something was compelling me to get to travel through that place and to the front of the building, and as I wished to be rid of the place I ran as fast as I could.

About to make good my escape, I didn’t want to push my luck by lingering, I spied Will. I was contemplating turning and leaving when he turned and saw me. I don’t know if it was my imagination, at the time I was convinced it was but now, I’m not so sure. I thought that he looked pleased to see me.

At the time I didn’t really think much of it, why Will was there I mean. I was more in shock about him being there and what happened. I tried asking him a couple of times how he’d known to be at that place. He just kind of shrugs and gives some vague answer, not really helping me at all. I think that I’d like to believe it was God or something, helping balance out all the shit in my life with him. My knight in shining armour if you will, although that would make me the damsel. Mind you, I don’t think that it was all too inaccurate a comparison.

Well, you’d be surprised at the size of the damn building and I’d just run through most of it, so I sunk to the floor, taking ragged breaths of the fresh air to fill my lungs and hopefully ease the ache in my side. Will came and sat next to me. Taking me by surprise he wrapped his arms around me, then, ever so softly, kissed me. It was just as clumsy as my attempt, but it filled every fibre of my being with life. Then I simply submitted to his comforting embrace.

Fourteen Months Later

I’d like to say that everything was good, that I regained my motivation and was able to take all my tests which I passed with flying colours. But I’d be lying. I didn’t ever want to go back to those confining walls with their idiotic way of doing things, so I didn’t. It would have caused some problems but my parents decided that I’d amounted to nothing, just like Troy, and so I was disowned just as he had been. So I wasn’t living at home and as a result the school couldn’t contact me. It was quite convenient really.

Maybe you’re wondering what I ended up doing, I mean I claimed to be intelligent so there must have been something I could do. I’ve started dabbling in electrics, a circuit is quite similar to the human body so it isn’t as far from doctoring as you may at first think. I figure that I’ll get work with somebody who’ll train me on the job, which is a better prospect than having to endure school. I’m confident it will turn out alright.

I stayed at Troy’s for a while, and I realised that we aren’t as different as night and day, not at all. After all, we were both disowned, neither had really got all that far with the school thing and we both liked members of the same sex in -that- way.

But I realised that, as close as we were, I couldn’t live with him forever. I had to get my own place only that never really happened, however I’m not living with my brother. Anyone care to venture a guess as to what happened?

Yeah, predictable I know, but it’s one of the best things that happened to me. I got a place with Will, my sexy med student. I don’t know how he did it but he managed to fall in love with me, which was a good thing considering the love I felt for him. We didn’t have the perfect life, there were problems along the way. His family for one, turns out their all homophobic, I had the support of Tory, that goes without saying, but I never spoke to anyone else from my family.

Then there was the depression, maybe that’s what caused my apathy relating to school, it wouldn’t be impossible. And that’s part of the reason I’m here now, rambling on. We decided that, although it was never that severe, and the brunt of the storm is over, I should seek some help. Personally I wouldn’t have come but Will wanted me to and I think that I would do anything for him. Yes, I would. Because I love him with everything ounce of my soul.

End

A/N- As I was writing this I realised that it could be a much longer, more detailed story, (with lots of fun angst!) however I think that it will have to remain in this shorter, more condensed version for a long time, if not forever as I don’t think I could manage to write a longer version. Maybe one day I’ll try, who knows?