Before the story I would like to say thank you to a few of my readers.
Note: These are the readers who actually reviewed my stuff. To all of you
who didn't: YOU DON'T GET A THANK YOU!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I BET YOU FEEL
SORRY NOW!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! YOU SUCK!!!! THEY REVIEWED!! THEY ROCK!!!!
YOU DON'T!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Ok, maybe that was too cruel. I'll try to
remember all of you:
Random Red: You are first on this list because you started it all, you were
my first reviewer. I think. If you didn't, well, to bad for whoever did.
Thanks a lot. I love you.
Kashe: You seem to pop up everywhere. I hit "Quick Picks" the other day,
read a story, and there was you're name, being thanked for reviewing. You
are near the top because you rock hardcore and you aren't a selfish
*Insert funky name*: You are in this position because I couldn't remember
any more reviewers at the moment. And you're name rocks. It seems I wasn't
the only person who uses the *insert joke here* gag. Thanks for reviewing.
I read you're stuff. I think they rocked. I don't remember. But I don't
think I've given any negative reviews lately. Anyway, you rock and you are
one sexy piece of ass (I really hope you're a girl. If not..um..no I won't
go out with you.)
Dark Necro Dude Man Thing: Um. You rock. *Insert complement here*
That one guy who I think had "hornet" or "bumblebee" or something like that
in his name: I think you were the guy that said my story was good and
recommended Dark Necro Monster to me and I said that I had read his story
and we were on each other's favorite author's lists or something. Weird for
that to happen on such a big site. Anyway, you rock, HAKAS.
That one guy who was more than one guy and was actually a name that a bunch
of his friends posted stories under: You rock. I like your stuff. Um. What
kind of dog do you have?
Whoever else I forgot: You kick ass too. I'm sorry for forgetting you're
name. It's hard to do online when everyone's name is some variation of
"Sepheroth_23424_Zeldaforever". I love you so very very much.
I'm going to try and post another comedy story. I have been really
preoccupied with "I Can't Think of a Title" and non-online events (damn
driver's license tests) and I haven't had a chance to write much. It's
about a T.V. Channel that only shows commercials. Check it out, it rocks
(as of now, it hasn't been written. And remember, Don't do drugs, stay in
school. Now on with the story!
LAST TIME OOOOOOOOOON..I CAN'T THINK OF A TITLE!!!!!: Jack and
Nuiroth, on their quest to find the name of the band who sang "I Ran", came
upon a record store full of insane Disco-Loving Ninja's. A ferocious battle
ensued. We laughed, we cried, we fell asleep, and in the end Jack and
Nuiroth triumphed and decided to go home and write that ransom note.
"Say Jack, do you think anybody is pondering the absence of that
young lad we captured?" asked Nuiroth as he and Jack drove down the road.
Then came the part that everybody was expecting: The radio came on with a
news story related to the exact topic that the characters were discussing.
How convenient! It moves the plot along perfectly!
"Good evening, folks! We interrupt "Song's about Gangs!" for this
W.A.N.G. special report. A local eleven year old boy, Billy Johnson, has
been reported missing. He has brown hair, looks very delicious, and would
be very tender, if cooked. We sure hope he is returned safely. Oh yeah. His
parents are also loaded."
"See, Jack me boy, I told you we should have cooked em." Said
"Yes, Yes. But alas, we can get far greater profits from ransoming
him. Then we can go to Chucky Cheese!"
"In that case, I agree wholeheartedly."
By now Jack and Nuiroth were returning to their evil lair. By the
way, when I say "evil lair", I don't mean that the lair itself is evil. The
lair is just misunderstood. It wants to run and sing and frolic with the
other lairs, but it was always made fun of as a child and now it is a very
shy lair. No, it isn't the lair, it is the people who live in the lair that
make it evil. Jack and Nuiroth aren't exactly the most friendly neighbors
(I don't know why everyone avoids their place. Maybe it's the spooky
looking way they never mow the lawn, or the dead trees surrounding it, or
the armed guards that patrol constantly, but most people just seem to agree
that it is a place to leave alone).
Jack pulled into the garage and got out. Nuiroth followed him into
the kitchen. Suddenly, Jack remembered something.
"Say Nuiroth, did we see to it that the lad was unable to leave
before we left the lair? Did we tie him up?"
"I think not. A soon as the caps lock key malfunctioned, everything
went insane, and I passed out."
"Ah, I see. You're sure that's what happened."
"Without a doubt."
"Right. Well then, we will have to retrieve him then won't we?"
"I think so."
"Let's go then."
"I insist, you first"
"Say, didn't we do this joke already?"
"Ah. Right you are, I'll go first."
"No, I think I'll go first."
"I said it first, and I'll go first."
"I think not, I will go."
So Jack and Nuiroth searched the lair. They searched everywere. They
looked in every room, under every bed, in every closet, and in every top
secret passageway. In the end, they found him in the guard's quarters. In
fact, he was in the guard's bar, drunk.
"Hey there, buddies!!!" Billy Johnson said, staggering toward them,"
G-g-give me a.huuugg!"
Jack and Nuiroth winced as the foul little maggot threw his arms
around both of them.
"Sayyyyyy, do you.uggg.gotta quarrrter!" Billy asked, spinning around
in circles, "Weeeeeeee!!!! I'm..diiizy!"
Jack grabbed the kid and dragged him up the stairs, not caring about
the kids head, which bumped on every step.
"I *bump* like *bump* choklate!*bump."
Nuiroth tied the kid to stove and sat down to write the ransom note
with Jack. They worked long into the night and when they finished, this is
what it said:
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Johnson,
You may or may not have noticed that you're son Billy is no longer in
your home. We have your son, and we can assure you that this is something
we are not happy about. We have decided to give you the option of having
your son returned safely. We could eat him, but we would also like to have
some money. Billy is safe, health, and just like new! And if you call now,
we will throw in a free set of kitchen knives and a wonderful bath robe!
Normally this would go for over one billion dollars, but we are willing to
give it to you for half that price! That's right, Billy, a set of kitchen
knives, and this wonderful bathrobe for only five-hundred million dollars!!
If you would like to take us up on this once in a life time offer, please
Chapter 6.5: Does this count as a Chapter?
Umm. That's it. I have more stuff I need to do. End of chapter. Don't
do drugs and stuff.