Hi, Hope40. Thank you for calling me brilliant. Nobody ever called me brilliant before. How are you?

Hi, Mel. How are you? Yeah, it’s good to have someone like Miss Stevensen, but you could get one too if you wait long enough. They’re everywhere, even if nobody is as good as Miss Stevensen. She did go through a lot though, didn’t she? I feel real bad for her sometimes. She’s too nice for that. How are you?

You see though, Noctournal Silhouette? If God is who you say it is, it would have helped me all those times when Mr. Toms did what he did. It would have made him stop so he couldn’t give me bad dreams and make me a naughty keylin, so don’t you tell me your God has anything to do with me. He left me all alone and now I have to feel naughty sometimes cause of what people did to me. How are you?

Chapter Five. The key to Hope.

In the front of the Medicle Lake Mental facility just next to the place where the good girls and boys are kept, there is a room that is called the day room where the sun comes in and people can see it and be happy. I didn’t know about it till I was ten though. I didn’t be good enough to go there, but I got to see it then and have a pop because Miss Stevensen said I could go since I was such a good boy. How are you?

It’s a big place there. It’s a lot bigger than our rooms that we sleep in, and it is full of chairs and pretty pictures if the other students don’t break them. There’s lamps made all of wood with really hard lightbulbs and I always think someone will break them. How are you?

Miss Stevensen came with me that day. She came because it was close to my birthday and she wanted to visit me and make me feel better because my mother and Dad didn’t even send me a letter. Mister Toms used to say it was because I was naughty for being born, and then he would look at me and I would know that he was telling the truth. I never did think he could lie because no grown ups lied. How are you?

Do you suppose Grown ups lie? If they do lie, how come we get punished for doing it if they do it too? I don’t think that is very fair, do you? Have the grown ups lied to you too? Do you suppose they get punished in some ways for lying, or is it all right for them to lie, and we have to grow up before it is okay for us to do it too? How are you?

When we were in the day room, I could see a man standing all by himself next to the big bar windows, so I asked miss Stevensen if he was always a good man or if he just was good that day. She told me I shouldn’t ask that kind of stuff about other patients because people might get mad and try to hurt me, but she told me anyways. How are you?

“His name is Vic, keylin. He’s here because he made someone go to Heaven because they were married to him, and they had another boy friend. That’s not a good thing to do, Keylin, but neither is making the people who did it go to heaven. He’s a good man every day, so he gets to come here.” Miss Stevensen told me.

I think I stared at him for a long long time because he turned around and looked at me like I was some person he wanted to run away from or do something horrible to. I never was scared of anyone at my Mental facility before, but I was very afraid now. I wanted to run away from the day room, and I didn’t understand that because it was supposed to be a place for good boys and girls. How are you?

Miss Stevensen and I were there for a long time, then she told me it was time to go back to my room and take my medicine. I think that if it was any different day than it was, I wouldn’t have wanted to go with her. Today I went though because I didn’t want to be with that man any more. His eyes were mean and I was afraid. Have you ever been afraid of someone because of their eyes? Sometimes I still think of them when I am trying to sleep, and I am afraid again. I don’t like eyes like that. How are you?

Miss Stevensen and I went back to my room, and I got ready to take my medicine. I have to take two shots, and one goes all the way in my arm. Mr. Toms told me that it was so that I could get the pain that I was due for, but Miss Stevensen said it was to make me sleepy so I wouldn’t have bad dreams. I believed Miss Stevensen. Do you take sleep shots too? Do they hurt you too, if you do? I don’t like them, but I took them anyways, so that I could sleep for Miss Stevensen. How are you?

I dreamed for the first time about those scary eyes that night. I never did see eyes like that before, so they scared me more than if I did see them. Do you dream scary dreams sometimes too, or is it just us different people who do? I always thought it was just us crazy people who did, but I did hope I was wrong. How are you?

When I told Miss Stevensen about my dream the next day when she came to see me, she kissed my nose like she always does, and she told me it was all right. She said it was just a bad dream, and that if she could make it go away, she most certainly would. I like it when she wants to make things go away for me. Do the grown ups make things go away a lot? I think they must do something when they aren’t lying. How are you?

Miss Stevensen took me again to the day room again, and I got to have another pop. I like the day room, because I get to sit down on soft cushions and read if I want. But actually Miss Stevensen has to read to me, because I couldn’t read then. I didn’t know how to write my letters either, so she said she would help me with that. How are you?

When Miss Stevensen was reading Rescuers to me, cause it’s my favorite book, we saw the man from yesterday standing in the corner. I think he was listening to Miss Stevensen read to me, and he didn’t want us to make him go away or go away like we did yesterday. How are you?

Miss Stevensen waited till she was on page five and she called the man over. I know it was page five because we read it lots of times, and she told me it was. He just kind of smiled a minute, but he came anyways and sat down beside me. I was scared for a minute or two, but he seemed so nice that I couldn’’t be too afraid of him. He was just a crazy man like I was a crazy boy! How are you?

When the man came over and sat down like Miss Stevensen told him to do, he looked at her with big, scared eyes like he didn’t ever get invited over anywhere and he was scared of her. I think it’s cause she’s a nurse, but I don’t know for sure and Miss Stevensen told me never to assume things case they were wrong. Why is it that so many grown ups lie, and then some don’t? Do you think it is because they aren’t really grown ups at all? How are you?

Miss Stevensen kind of looked at him for a long time, then she just kept on reading like he wasn’t even there. He just kept right on listening, then we got finished with the book and he smiled at Miss Stevensen. He said she was a fine dame, and he wanted to be her stallion. Miss Stevensen just laughed and laughed, but I could see that her eyes were angry and I wanted to know why. I didn’t ask her cause I didn’t want the man to think I was stupid, so I didn’t ask at all. How are you?

Miss Stevensen had to go to the bathroom for a few minutes, but she said I could stay and look at the picture books as long as I was a good boy when she was gone. I gave her a kiss on the nose and I promised, but when she was gone the man started asking me all kinds of questions about Miss Stevensen. He wanted to know if she was married and if she carried a weapon with her when she went to see her patients. I told him I didn’t think she did, cause I didn’t ever see her with one. He smiled very big, and I got scared for Miss Stevensen. I didn’t like that smile. How are you?

He asked me if I was Miss Stevensen’s boy, and I told him I was not but I wished I was. He said we looked a lot alike, then he hit me on my eye and told me not to ever tell Miss Stevensen that he asked about her else he’d beat me good. Why do grown ups like to beat up younger people? Miss Stevensen says that it is because people don’t feel big, so they have to beat up little people to make them feel better. I think she might be right, but I don’t know. How are you?

Miss Stevensen came to get me soon as she was done, and she took me back to my room. I asked her if she was all right, and she said she was but sometimes she had to take care of what she called her messy months. I asked her what that was, but she said she would tell me when I got to be a grown up like her. I always hate it when people make me wait till I’m a grown up before they tell me things. How are you?

I told Miss Stevensen all about that man, and I told her she should keep a weapon with her. I said it wouldn’t scare me, and she laughed at me and gave me a hug. I think she knew I wouldn’t be scared if I told her to do it. She said she would do it though, but I shouldn’t worry. I did worry though. I like Miss Stevensen a lot, and I didn’t want anything to happen to her because of me. I didn’t have to answer those questions, but they told me always to tell the truth so I did. How are you?

I went to bed at nine, and nobody had to tell me to. I didn’t want Miss Stevensen to see how bad I was. She might get mad at me if I didn’t sleep like I was supposed to, so I went to bed and I had a bad dream that she got chopped up by that bad man. I knew he was bad, but I can’t tell anyone why cause I don’t know. He just is, so I was worried about Miss Stevensen. How are you?

When I got done eating my lunch on tomorrow, I looked for Miss Stevensen. Usually she comes to see me before breakfast, but she didn’t come so I was worried about her. I wanted to make sure she was okay since I got her into trouble. The grown ups said that she went home for a while cause she wanted to, but I know why she really went home. She went home to get the weapon I told her to carry. Isn’t it nice when at least one grown up listens to you? Miss Stevensen was the only grown up who listened to me then, but now lots of people like to listen to me. How are you?

I missed Miss Stevensen a whole lot, but she came back later, and she did have a big knife she held on her belt where nobody could see it. She said that she went to see the man from yesterday, and he tried to make her do naughty things. She said that if I didn’t tell her than she might not be able to get her knife and so he would not leave her alone. I told her it was my fault, and then I cried and cried until she held me and kissed my nose. How are you?

Miss Stevensen told me it wasn’t my fault at all, and that he would do what he wanted if I had not told him at all about her. I didn’t believe her, and I think that is the first time I ever didn’t believe her. I always believe Miss Stevensen. She never lies like the other grown ups do. I don’t know why, but maybe it is because she isn’t a grown up like them. I think she is still like me and the other people like us. We aren’t grown up cause they don’t make us be. We get to stay little forever, and I like that cause then I don’t have to lie. I don’t like to lie, and I don’t know why grown ups like to lie. How are you?

Miss Stevensen is one of my favorite people in the world. I don’t want her to hurt like others must, but I think she does. I want things to be good for her, but I don’t think they are. Most of all, I want her to be liked like me. How are you?

When miss Stevensen was going to leave, I told her I hoped that she would be all right always. Miss Stevensen smiled at me, and I smiled at her. Then she came and sat down by me and took my hand. How are you?

“Keylin”, she told me, “the key to hope is knowing it can happen. It’s the feeling you get when you think your hopes can make a difference. Hope always, Sweetie. Hope until you cannot hope anymore.”

I try to listen to Miss Stevensen, even though it has been lots of years since she told me that. I don’t think she thinks I still remember what she said to me, but I do. If she had not told me that, I might have gone totally crazy, instead of only half crazy. Maybe that is why I got out of the Mental Facility. I think it is. I hope it is. How are you?