The walls protect me from prying eyes.

The shades close me off from the world outside.

My eyes wander as I peek out; I wish for the courage to move forward.

To breathe in the warm, humid air;

To smile as I ride my bike, the wind blowing through my hair;

To not worry about anyone’s stare.

Enjoying myself without a care..

But I curl back into my shell, too scared that you might be there.

I wait and watch before I go out.

It’s no way to live.

To move away would mean freedom but not what I wish for.

The wish to hold my head high and smile as I walk outside.

To not have the feeling I’m being watched would mean I’ve survived.

But to look up and see you there would mean you could be there watching and waiting.

Paranoia of a one-time incident has tortured my mind.

The feeling of searching for the truth behind it is overwhelming,

And not knowing if I’ll ever change is heart breaking.

Please God send me some strength before I die trying to live;

Before the feeling in my stomach fills my body;

Before my breath escapes me, and my eyes close.

Just let me smile once more like I use to.

Let me look up at the sky and be able to hold it in my hands;

Let the wind whisk me away to a place where I wouldn’t care.

But until I move away my walls will continue to protect me

And the shades can close me off

But the feeling will always be there.