Disclaimer: This story is my own original work. Any coincidence this story
has with other stories is purely confidential.
Cold hearted, I ruin my own life by sacrificing the old me to the
outside world. Ah yes, the old me. The woman who enjoys everyone's company
and understands the meaning of life. It's a shame that she has to go. It's
necessary though, so that I can take care of myself. Everyone is alone.
In the bathroom, I look at myself in the mirror. My thick, straight
red hair just reaches my shoulders. The kiwi-green eyes in the mirror glare
at me in disgust. My pale-white skin causes me to glow in the darkness. I
have woken up from a terrible nightmare. I hate dreams. I hate everything
and everyone, even you!
* * *
Work in a fast-food restaurant isn't so bad. I have quite a few
friends here, so it's tolerable. They're not really my friends though. I
just use them for company. That way, I'm not forced to eat alone at lunch.
People are cruel, so to fit in I have to be one of them. I have to be my
"Hey Raven, want to go shopping after work?" my so-called friend
Tonya chirps. She asks me this practically everyday! Doesn't she know that
when someone keeps turning her down, they're not going to say yes?
"Sorry I can't. I have to visit my mom in the hospital," I lie.
She falls for stuff like this all the time. I enjoy watching her react.
"Geez I'm sorry. I hope she gets better. See you tomorrow," She
pipes. After she leaves I decide to visit the town's cemetery. My
boyfriend's body lay in there. He died in a car accident. All because his
friend stupid friend had to have four beers without even considering the
cost! I miss him so much! We were thinking about marriage and a family one-
day. Since I'm 20, marriage didn't seem too far away.
This was the reason for my coldness. When he left, I had no
one else close to me. No one else understood my emotional problems or me.
Everyone in my entire family thought I was Bi-Polar! They were probably
right about that. I mean I did hate life a lot. They seemed to think that
life is one big fairytale with a happy ending. I never understood how they
just grinned while their whole life went up in flames!
Why doesn't anyone understand me? Am I that hard to love? Do I
have so many problems, that no one wants to be around me? Is this who I am?
Am I a self-centered girl who's angry just because the world doesn't go the
way she wants it to be?
I look at my boyfriend's tombstone. 'Here lies Brad cubben.' I don't
cry as I look upon his grave. I used all my tears up on his funeral. It was
a horrible day for a funeral. It had poured rain with lighting. The clouds
seemed to have gathered together to make the day a living nightmare.
It was as if someone wanted me to suffer more than I already had. I
always seemed to lose the people I loved. First my mom, now Brad. Why was I
always the one who suffered? Why can't it be some spoiled rich girl? I
guessed this is the way the world works.
* * *
After visiting the cemetery and returning home, I saw what I truly
was. I am a self-centered little brat who wants the world to revolve around
her. How had I sunk this low? I remember that when Brad died, my heart went
with him. I didn't care about anyone but myself after that incident.
I have to change. I can't be like this forever! Death is the only
option. If I commit suicide, I'll be free of this everlasting pain and
agony. Most of all, I'll finally be able to be with Brad.
'I love you Brad. I want to see you again. I want to see your
handsome face and understanding green eyes. Why did you have to go?' I was
sobbing to myself as these thoughts pass my mind. I want to die. I don't
want to live my live in this world anymore!
I go into my kitchen and open up the knife drawer. When I find a
small, sharp knife that suits me, I take it out. I study it for a minute,
admiring its sharp blade. As I do that, a cut forms on my thumb. I just let
it bleed, letting the blood flow freely from the cut.
I feel silly just cutting my thumb. I need to finish this! I
leave so many things undone and this won't be one of them! I take the
knife and press it against my wrist. I sob as I start slicing my wrist. My
blood began its journey from my wrist to the floor.
I blink away tears as I feel my life ebb away from me. Weakly, I
collapse to the floor in pain. What a tragic ending to my messed up life!
As I near death I think of Brad and our afterlife together. 'Finally Brad,
I can be with you.' I smile as my heart stops and my eyes close. For the
first time after Brad died, I'm happy.