What are you-He asked me that. It amused me then, and it still does, that he dared to ask me anything. Amazed me, actually, that after what he had done to me he had the balls, and stupidity, to ask me a single question.

It was downright shocking that he dared to come to my home, to sit in it, and chat with me as if nothing had happened. To act as if nothing had happened, as if I was still blinded by my own trusting nature and inherent naivety, and yes, blinded by the love I held for him.

But he was frightened and startled, eyes wide, looking at me with shocked fear. He had never seen me like this. Trusting, naïve, gentle, kind, sweet, unable to harm a fly-that is how he saw me. That is how most people saw me, and in truth, I really am like that. Even raised voices (when it is not my own) can unsettle me to the point I'll cry.

However, I am Earth. Earth can weather so many things and come out of it still strong, still solid. Yes, it will come out changed, but it is still there, standing true and strong.

I have seen death and wars, I have killed men and women, though never in cold blood and never with no reason, and I have led men into battle.

Those two sides of me are my past, my present, my future. As a Priestess to the Goddess it was, and is, my duty to heal the sick, comfort the dieing, to save any and all that I could. But as a Guardian, it is my duty to defend the people, to fight against those who were tainted by darkness, to kill indiscernibly those who turned from the Light and walk along a path shadowed by evil.

More then once, as I am forever a lighthearted soul, have I had sudden urge to rasp out "Join the Dark Side" when facing those who tried to show me my preserved foolish ways. And, more then once, I have, earning confused looks and stifled laughter from my Sisters.

Now I looked at this man, a man who I once held dear to my heart, and had even envisioned living a normal, mortal life with, and his fear of what was so normal to me made me smile and laugh ever so slightly. I will be the first to admit that when pushed to the point, I can be cold and hard, amused by fear. While that part has, at times, frightened me for the fact I had it within me, I understood that I was a human of sorts-and humanity is fallible, holding so many emotions within them.

"What's going on? What-What are you?" I laughed outright then, tilting my head back, the hair he had so loved pooling on the cushion I sat on.

"Don't ask questions that you don't want answered, darling." I knew he was troubled by the amusement I showed, the way I was so unconcerned by what had so unsettled him.

But this was my life. He was not part of this, had never known or seen it. I had. It was who I was. One of the many faucets of what had shaped me and what continued to guide me.

Because at times I can be a very perverse and almost mocking person, I stood and crossed my living room, flipping my stereo on, punching a button to turn my CD on. It was one of my favorites, a CD I had burned myself, all full of Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie, Stabbing Westward. It was hard, dark, pounding music that poured out from the speakers, and I though he was going to jump out of his very skin.

I can say, in my defense, that the music was not just to make him even more frightened and unsettled. More then once have I been caught going into a battle humming or singing Manson under my breath, and I suppose it is the melodramatic part of me that has always felt a good fight should be subsequently sound tracked as such.

So when I knew I was about to be challenged, and I was on home turf, I broke out my music, letting the dark beats and melodies wash over me. Its part of being a writer (for no matter what else I do or have done, my soul is that of a writer) that I enjoyed this so much. It set the scene, created the chilled and tense atmosphere that I wanted.

And it served to duly unnerve those who would dare to challenge a Priestess on her own terms and in her home. Who wouldn't be frighten by a slight young woman, obviously pulsing with power, a almost maniacal glint in her eye as she readied to attack you, while humming "mOBSCENE"? Mind you, that description was provided by my Sisters, and not by me.

Now I turned from the stereo, rolling my neck before bending at the waist, deftly flicking my long hair up with one hand and pulling it into a ponytail on the top of my head with the hair band that had been on my wrist. I stood, eyes sparkling with a dark amusement and anticipation, and I heard him gasp.

It was not that much about my appearance had changed, for I had only dropped the shields that had been placed on me at birth to keep others from knowing what I truly was. Now my ears, once small and rounded, were small and obviously pointed, giving proof of my eleven heritage. My eyes, normally a warm hazel, had changed into a burning emerald green, granted too me by the blood of my mother. There was almost a predatorily grace about me now, which thrilled me for him to see, even now, as I was, and am, admittly a clumsy person.

But this was different. This was battle. I knew I could do this. I know how to move, where to move, how to act. There was little fear of me tripping of my feet now (though it still happened), and even if I did I would be able to turn it to my advantage somehow.

I turned to the chest that sat on wall of the living room, which even when we had been together I had never allowed him to open or know what was inside. I could feel his eyes on me as I unlocked it, opening it and pulled out two swords, tucked safely into their leather scabbards. I leaned back on my knees, loosely fastening a belt around my hips, strapping the swords to it, before I pulled out my Staff.

I held it lovingly; stroking one hand over it fondly, before I reached back into the chest and pulled out the scabbard my father had long ago made for it. I settled the Staff on the floor in front of me before I slung the scabbard onto my back, the thin leather cord hooking around my chest and one shoulder, before I stood, tucking my Staff into it.

Its been said, more then once and with only a small amount of joking, that if it was legal and I could get some satisfaction from it, that I would marry my Staff. I probably would too, as that Staff seemed a part of my body of the years and lives I had fought with it. It was made from a sprawling birch tree that set within the keep of Avalon, and had been loving carved and charmed by the man who would one day be known as Merlin.

I think that's why I have always loved that Staff so much. To me, it was a part of Merlin. Once upon a time he had been a father to me and my Sisters. He taught us, trained us, protected us, punished us, and gave us the most horrible tongue-lashings that could ever been imagined.

But had loved us and raised us. Like all of us, he doted fondly upon our youngest Sister, but as for me…he would admit to anyone who bothered to ask, in that wise, laughing voice he had, "Deirdre is most like me. Such an annoying little creature as her I've yet to meet, and the child never stops pushing the limits I have set for her. Yet she challenges what I give her, learns all I offer to teach with an almost scary ferocity, and has the most tender of hearts. She's my Little One, and I could not ask for a better daughter, should I even have seed of my own."

Holding my Staff, fighting with my Staff, is like having Merlin right beside me, guiding me. No matter what I did, no matter how angry I made him or how much trouble I caused, I never doubted how much he loved me. I could go to him with anything, even the most trivial of matters that a young girl would come upon, and he would enfold me warm arms and tell me everything would be okay.

And more then once had he sent suitors scatter away from me, or taken it upon his self to avenge my broken heart by confronting the male who had dared to cause even one tear to fall from my eyes. Such a good friend and loving mentor and father figure I could never ask for.

"Deirdre?" Now I turned to a male who had dared to break my heart, a wry smile on my lips at the thought of what Merlin would simply love do to him (and I admit, what I would enjoy to see happen).

"Lesley?"

"What the hell are you doing!?" I laughed again, shaking my head.

"Shut up, Lesley. Its time for the big kids to play now. And for the love of the Goddess, keep your mouth shut and don't move. I don't want to have clean your blood out of my carpet. Its horribly hard to get out, you know." I said this all with such a pleasant tone, almost as if I was speaking of the weather, that I completely unnerved him. I knew he had a thousand and one thoughts racing in his probably.

The leaders were probably if I was insane, and if I was going to use those swords on him.

While that might have sounded appealing, I was not that cold, and I had much bigger things to handle.

Like the demon that had dared to take me on.

I gathered my magic around me, letting it build inside me, my aura brightening and becoming an almost tangible thing around my body. I let just a little power roll off me, snickering ever so slightly as he shivered and eyed me with large, frightened eyes.

Then dark laughter fell around us, making him flinch and look around frantically, searching for the owner. No doubt he thought it was some petty, mortal being in my home. Such a foolish mortal-such a foolish me for even daring to think he would ever fit into my world, or even thinking he could be my Shadow.

"Aren't you a pretty little Priestess, ready to make battle with the demons in her home." I rolled my eyes at such melodrama (forget the fact I was more then guilty of it), and reached up with one hand, pulling my Staff out and lazily spinning it in in a circle with a flick of my wrist.

"Mouthy tonight, aren't we?" I saw the demon then, the shadows melting back from him, showing me dark eyes sparkling with bloodlust and an amusement that matched my own.

"Tsk tsk, Priestess, it isn't polite to be rude to a guest in your home."

"Forgive me. Why don't we have dinner, and then I'll let you maim me, how's that?" Lesley made a faint choking sound, no doubt catching sight of the claws that graced the demon's long fingers, the fangs that glinted wetly in his smile, and the faint tint of red to his black eyes.

"Ah, but Priestess, you are dinner." I braced myself quickly, thrusting my Staff out, holding it in two hands, a grin on my face. He rushed forward then, a blur of movement so quick that the mortal eye could not see it.

I twirled to the side, my Staff arching and catching him the back of the neck, my power surging through my body and into the Staff, and I gave a pleased sound as it connected the demon screamed from the rush of pure power and magic hit him, burning his flesh.

Then I wrinkled my nose up. Burned demon flesh has never been high on my list of pleasing smells…

"You'll pay for that." He snarled, turning and trying to catch me with his claws. His own power pulsed, pushing into me, making cry out. He was strong stronger then I had thought. I cursed myself for my arrogance, assuming this would be an easy kill.

In movements that were so natural to me it was thoughtless I pushed my Staff into its scabbard across my back and drew my swords, pulling my body into a crouch and slicing outwards, not even flinching as the blade met tender flesh and I was splattered with black blood.

The hit I made, however, was given back in the form of claws catching the back of my shoulder and drawing upwards, leaving gashes that stretched all the way to the top of my chest. I cursed, long and loud and in a most profane way, the steam of words ending in a whimper as I rolled and stood, hunched forward slightly.

"That fucking hurt you fucking ass!" Far be from me to be above pointing out the very obvious. But his hit had only proved to piss me off, which anyone who knew would testify to being a Very Very Bad Thing.

I let out a hiss that sounded rather like a cat getting water dumped on it, and I bent my knee's, one arm out straight and I spun, catching the demon in the stomach, my other sword rushing upwards and severing the tendon and muscle of his arm. He howled, such a chilling, unnatural howl that sent shivers down my own spine, and from the corner of my eye I saw Lesley jump up, look around, then towards me, before diving behind a chair.

And to think, he had bragged of all those he had fought, that while he would be scared he would still fight. Now look at them-cowering behind a chair, peaking around he side, watching his ex-girlfriend fight a demon.

The demon summoned up his little minions then, obviously lesser, stupider demons, but strong demons non-the less. I was very versed in fight those particular beings, all dark, hulking shadows, shimmering claws, and flaming red eyes.

However, three against one was not the fairest of odds. I cursed yet again, jumping up and rushing forwards, my blade flashing out and slicing one demon's head clean off its body, and I choked slightly on the smoke and strong smell of sulfur that came from the carcass before it fell the floor and disappeared.

I turned to the other one, eyes darting between it and the other. My left eye twitched slightly and I lifted my right arm, drawing it back before throwing my sword, watching with a detached sort of satisfaction as it nailed it right in the chest, watching it fall too the floor gurgling on his own black blood before it too died and then disappeared.

Now I had to finish off the strongest demon.

He narrowed a glare on me, and I smirked, standing pulling Staff out yet again, jerking my head so a lock of hair would get off my sweaty cheek.

"Tsk tsk, looks like its me and you again, dear. Pity that for you, ne?" He growled at me, and I raised my Staff, a blinding light surrounding me just as the demon made to hit me. He cried out in pain from the shock of my shield, and I thrust my sword into him, twisting it to the side and then upwards before jerking it out.

He stared at me, wide-eyed as blood trickled out of his mouth, before he fell on his knees. I backed up, watching impassively as he fell on his face and died at my feet.

I sniffed disdainfully, wiping my blade on my blue jean leg, storing it in his scabbard before moving to the other and doing the same. I turned, facing Lesley who had stood and was watching me, shaking in horror and disbelief.

"What…were those things?" I sighed, suddenly weary. I moved towards him, then stopped when let out a choked gasp, backing away from me. I was angry with me; I disliked him, and Gods how he had hurt me…but to see him back away from me in horror and fear still hurt.

"I'm not going to fucking hurt you. If I was going to, I would have the night you got caught with your other girl." I snorted, rubbing a hand over my cheek, nose curling in distaste when I finely figured out was liberally splattered with dark demon blood.

"Those, Lesley, my dear, were demons. Yes, you heard me right, demons." I slanted a look at him when I moved back to the chest, storing my weapons, leaving a fully clean up till tomorrow.

"D-Demons!?"

"Did you suddenly develop a hearing problem?" I snapped, slamming the lid of the chest down and glaring at him. It wasn't his fault, anyone else in his position would have asked the same things. But for some reason, hearing it from him just made me surely and angry all over.

"You see, Lesley, I am a Priestess. I am of eleven blood, I am a servant of the Goddess, I was trained by Merlin himself. I am the thing of myths and legends." I sneered, standing, brushing my hands along my jeans, wincing when the wounds on my shoulder and chest seared at the movement.

I began to advance on him, walking slowly, my eyes narrowed.

"Yes, you were with what could be called a witch. You fucked a witch, kinda gives you cold chills, huh?" I gave a cold laugh, now standing right in front of him. "You should learn a lesson from this-Just because I person seems like the most gullible and forgiving person on earth, they might not be. If I so wished," I raised my blood-smeared hands, lifting them in front of his face, "This could be your blood on my hands."

He whimpered, outright whimpered, and for a moment I thought he would wet himself.

And that didn't bring me pleasure, that just made me feel like some kind of freak.

"Just get out, Lesley. I'm tired. I'll bring you the rest of your shit next week." He watched me, not moving. "What!? Do you think I'm suddenly going to kill you!?" Tears filled my eyes, and I swiped with one hand at my eyes.

"I couldn't do that, you know. I loved you, I loved you a lot. I though, foolishly, you might have been him. You might have been the one I dreamed of, he one I longed for, the one who haunted me night and fucking day." I sniffed and looked at him, ice seeming to cover my eyes. "But I should have known that you could not be him. You who lies and toys and-"

I broke off, turning around, arms wrapping around my stomach.

"Just get out." I repeated, feeling lost. I, I who had killed demons and faced things that would make any sane person wet themselves in utter fear, was crying over this petty little man. And that shamed me to no end. "Just get out and don't come back."

He left then. He left, no, he ran. He ran to the door, flung it open, and fled down the steps.

When I took him his things, he never looked me in the eye, acted as if he was afraid to even touch me.

And when I went to sleep that night, I cried. I cried, but then I dreamed of my Shadow, and he held me. He held me, and whispered to me, and forgave me. He kissed me, touched me, and held me. He told me that it was all right, to just wait a little longer, and then I would be with him.

Even though it wasn't what I wanted, him simply holding me in dreams, I knew it was real. But after that, I was content. I waited. And waited. And waited a bit more. But he came.

And he never hurt me, or looked at me like a freak.

I loved him all the more for it.