The Power of Language

There are days
(times and places)
when she thinks – she thinks! –
(but she can’t be sure, of course)
that maybe, just maybe
(and part of her hopes for it, it’s true
although she would rather not admit as much to anyone just yet)
but she might be (possibly) going
Crazy
(and isn’t the word just the slightest bit thrilling? – the power of language)
But, she wants to say
that it is serious – oh yes
it’s not just about her
(in some ways it isn’t, really, you must see that) –
it’s mostly that she, and individual who thinks and feels
(at least, she certainly does feel, and she presumes to think, because she is)
is so weak –
at least in this place – this world, you know, really –
this crazy (can you feel it?) world
(and going mad would make her part of it, wouldn’t it then, it’s strange)
this world where nothing is fair – okay,
so you’ve heard that before, but she wants to tell you
that you don’t pay attention to it at all, because it’s a fact
(like all the nutrition labels you never read)
she knows you know it,
but since your own life is okay
(and yes, if it comes down to it, hers too, but that’s not the point),
you can tolerate it –
but just wait she says, just wait until
something happens (maybe suddenly)
then – then, she cries, oh then!
then you see – no, it’s not all okay, it really is just
unjust,
and that is the only word you have
to express what you feel to anyone (even her – see what she’s doing now?)
except – you know before you begin
(she knows, that’s for sure - and what good has it ever done anyone, now -)
that it’s useless (just like her!) because
Everyone Else –
that elite, she sighs –
is just as insulated (and the word means ‘to be made into an island’, did you know)
as you used to be (she used to be)
That’s the problem with this world, she repeats
(one of them at least, surely; there are more, but she can’t be expected to do it all)
that nothing is fair, and men must be islands
(that was a nice way to put it, wasn’t it?)
and – and everything hurts – pain! –
(to be fair, though, that’s not exactly true, but it sounds so good – language!)
and so many people, far too many people
those four billion islands (see? – unless it’s six, she doesn’t know)
they don’t care
it’s for that, she explains
(and maybe, just maybe, it’s a little melodramatic, but she does, she really does)
that she lives her life on the verge of tears (at least, sometimes;
that big ugly sob in her chest, and she looks so awful when she cries)
for the faces, all those faces
all the people known and loved (so maybe she didn’t know them personally, but
what’s that got to do with it?)
and, eventually, lost –
and so she sits, and thinks, and while she wonders
it all accumulates in that place in her mind where she
thinks (fears? hopes? – that might be it) that she is going
Crazy –
the same place in her mind where the girl who is really her lives
(who she wants to be, she might concede, but still)
and she wonders how it all connects to her frustration over the fact that she is not that girl
(to other people, that is, of course, she sees it all herself)
when she could be, and above all
should be
and it all ties back to the whys and wherefores
(and the screaming and the clamour; she shivers – can you hear it?)
that are driving her
Crazy
(the word again!)
and it’s because, really, all because, she’s just one person
one incapable person (not that she’s stupid, though)
in this world – and
on the other hand

Why bother?
Because without the buts
and the whys and wherefores
and the ifs and thens
and if she takes away the quantifiers
and eliminates the qualifiers
then (and there’s nothing fancy about it)
she is nothing but a hypocrite.