Author’s Notes: (=^0^=) I like writing humor!  This is my 1st humor story to be posted, so please don’t flame me!  It’s just some random story.  Please read & review!  Also: ‘…’ is when they’re thinking, **…** is actions, and (…) is facials.

-----------------------------------------

Evil Twinkies of the Black Dawn

By: Chi Yagami

-----------------------------------------

Setting: Ninth Grade Center Cafeteria (mainly)

Character Profiles:  ((Heh heh^^))

Shorty / Chelsea: Chelsea is somewhat sheltered.  Okay, VERY sheltered.  Everyone must explain everything to her, and quite often she is lost.  She, like Xach, usually brings her lunch.  Chelsea sits across from him and next to Wendi.

Wendi / Anime Gurl: Wendi is the smartest one ((unless Larry is secretly some genius Russian spy 0.0)).  She loves poetry, writing, reading, and reading/watching/drawing Anime.  Also, Wendi is all for the “special” (as she refers to them as) people.  She does not bring a lunch and usually mooches off the people around her, then goes to the library.  She sits next to Chelsea and across from Ashley.Xach / Xtreme Baritone: Xach is the quiet one.  When he speaks (which is rare) he says very little.  His facial expression usually talks for him.  He brings his lunch, which is usually a sandwich or some kind of oriental food ((**cough** meatbun **cough**)).  He sits across from Chelsea and next to Ashley.

Ashley / Gerbil: There is a lot to say about Ashley ((much of which can’t be put into print)).  Her past dating experiences have been a bit dangerous ((…)), but she manages to survive.  She likes to pick on Xach (which most likely freaks him out) and Larry.  She always buys her lunch, and she sits next to the two boys and across from Wendi.

Larry / Hentai Twinkie: Unlike Xach, Larry is a boy of many words.  Many SCARY words.  He has a strange relationship with his family, as they do each other ((Especially that uncle with the butcher knife.  O.O;)).  He does most of the talking at lunch.  Larry sits next to Ashley.

-----------------------------------------

Cafeteria…

12:31 pm – the lunch bell rings

Chelsea sits down at the table first, and is shortly joined by Xach and Larry.

Larry: Guess what?!

Chelsea: **sarcastically** What?  Your uncle discover where you stash the good steak knives?

Larry: That too.  But I discovered I have an extra cousin!

Chelsea: What?!

Xach: **chewing on meatbun**

Larry: Yep.  His name is Arnold; he’s fifteen.

Chelsea: Is he… you know…?

Larry: Gay?  No.  Insane?  Yes.  Perverted?  You bet.

Chelsea: (-_-;)

Xach: **gulping down half of his juice**

Ashley: **sits down** Hey Larry.  Did your uncle find those daggers?

Larry: Yeah.  And I have an extra cousin!

Ashley: Freakish…!

Xach: ‘Oh no, the torture has begun.’ (;-;) ‘Save me!’

Ashley: You know what I’m gonna do this weekend?

Chelsea: Hmm?

Ashley: I’m going to that cheese festival!

Larry: Me too.

All: **suspiciously** Why?

Larry: My uncle’s taking me.

All: (((((((((((((((O_O)))))))))))))))

Ashley: Cool… I guess.  Can I meet him?

All: (O_o)

Larry: Ooookay, but it’s your funeral.

Xach: **smirks at joke**

Ashley: Ha!  You’re laughing!

Chelsea: (Ø.Ø) At YOU.

Ashley: I know!  …Hey, wait a minute…

All: (O.o;)

Ashley: **noticing something shinny and sharp-looking sticking out of Xach’s lunchbox** AH!  Xach, you’ve cracked!

Larry: What the hell?

Chelsea: Huh?

Xach: ‘Not again…’

Ashley: **whispering** Xach is carrying a knife around!

All: (O.O) Huh?

Ashley: XACH IS CARRYING SOME KINDA WEAPON IN HIS LUNCH!!!

Chelsea:  That was DISTURBINGLY LOUD!

Ashley: (^_^) Sorry.

Larry: Ooohh!  Lemmie see!!  Is it a kitchen knife or a switchblade???

All: (O_o)

Larry: Well?

All: (OO;)

Larry: **reaches over into Xach’s lunchbox and pulls out the “ever-threatening knife”**

Chelsea: That’s a weapon?  (O.o)  And you guys thought I had issues…

Ashley: Heh, heh… **smiling innocently**

Larry: Awe!  I was really hoping for that new switchblade, the Eagle3000x… (starry-eyed XD)

All: (-_-;)

Ashley: Don’t blame me!  How was I supposed to know it’s only a fruit rollup?

Chelsea: Because Xach wouldn’t bring a knife to school!

Xach: ‘I wish they’d give me that back.  I’m hungry.’

Ashley: Hey, the quiet ones go first.

BANG!

Ashley: (X_X)

Larry: What the hell was that for?

Chelsea: I’m tired of people thinking that just because some people are quiet and keep to themselves, they’re going to do evil deeds!

Larry: Name one other person.

Chelsea: Mrs. Plenum.

Larry: (O.O) Okay.

Xach: Who’s that?

Chelsea: A giraffe.

Xach: (Oo)

Chelsea: I’m kidding!  She’s the assistant principal at the junior high.

Larry: **looking at Ashley** Did ya have to hit her with a frying pan?

Chelsea: Yes.

Xach: Where did you get it?

Chelsea: From the cafeteria ladies. (;P)

Larry: Yeah, they give me stuff all the time: detention.

Chelsea: How many?

Larry: This’ll be my fifth.  It was only a freakin’ Debbie Cake!

Chelsea: (O.O) You STOLE?

Larry: Yeah…

Chelsea: NO WONDER YOU CAN’T HAVE A PLEASANT STROLL THROUGH A STORE WITHOUT BEING CHECKED!

Larry: (-_-) So?

Xach: (;-;) ‘I want my fruit rollup!’

Ashley: **wakes up** Hey.  What’s up?

Chelsea: Larry is stealing from innocent cafeteria ladies!

Ashley: Good.  I never liked them anyway.

Wendi: **sits down**

Chelsea: Now maybe we can have an “intelligent” conversation.

Larry: ‘About homos.  Man, they give me the creeps!’

Xach: ‘Not with all of you around, we can’t.’

Ashley: So, Wendi, why aren’t you in the library?

Wendi: It’s closed.

Ashley: Why?

Wendi: SOMEBODY walked into the library, saw two guys hugging, thought they were gay, and set off a stink bomb.

Ashley: …Larry?

Larry: **smiling sheepishly**

Ashley: You homophobic freak!

Larry: What?  You all should know me by now!

Chelsea: Well, actually, I was expecting you to do something worse.

Ashley: Or are you hiding something else from us?

Larry: No!  I swear on my relative’s graves!

Ashley: …Uh… Can we trust that?

Xach: …Uh, can I have my fruit rollup back now?

Ashley: Oops.  Here. **gives it to him**

Xach: Man, I’ve gotta get out of this Hellhole.

All: WHAT???!!! ((((((((((((((((((((O_______O))))))))))))))))))))

Xach: Did I just say that? (O.O)

All: (Oo) Yeah…

Wendi: I visited your website, Xach.

All: (O.O)

Xach: ‘Uh-oh!  How did she find my site?’

Wendi: It’s . (^O^). ((AN: That is just some fake site I made up.  If it’s real, that’s just a coincidence))

Ashley: What did it say?

Wendi: A lot.  His mind’s been corrupted…  He liked the first semester better because we didn’t sit with him then…  He feels tortured…  Stuff like that.

Chelsea: Xach, why didn’t you say anything?

Larry: Like he ever does…

Chelsea: **glare**

Larry: **rolls eyes**

Chelsea: AS I WAS SAYING, Xach, why don’t you start up a conversation since you’re tired of ours?

All: Yeah!

Xach: (-_-) Ookay…  Uh, did y’all hear this morning’s announcements?

All: (U-U;)

Xach: ‘I will never understand these people.’

All: ‘We will never understand him.’

Ashley: So… Anybody else going to that cheese festival?

Wendi: I am!  Evan’s taking me!

Chelsea & Ashley: A date?

Wendi: NO!!!  WE’RE JUST FRIENDS!!!

Ashley: Sure y’all are…

BANG!

Ashley: Not… again… (X_X)

Wendi: (^_~) She deserved that.

Chelsea: Uh…

Wendi: I’ll hit you, too!

Chelsea: Uh…  Why OF COURSE you and Evan are just FRIENDS.  Who would say otherwise?

Wendi: You and Ashley.

Chelsea: Oh yeah.

All: (O.o;)

Xach: ‘Today’s web entry will be EXTRA long…’

Ashley: **wakes up** So, anyone else going to the cheese festival?

Chelsea & Xach: **quickly** NOPE!!!

Chelsea: ‘Who’d want to spend an entire day with Larry’s uncle?’

Xach: ‘Who’d want to spend an entire day with cheese?

Ashley: Oh, come on!  Y’all should go, too!

Chelsea: I have an ice skating lesson.

Xach: I don’t like cheese.

Larry: That’s no excuse!

Ashley: Xach, we’re dragging you with us!

Xach: NO WAY!!!

Larry: You’re coming to this cheese festival, or I’m gonna tell everyone about your ‘Hellhole’ website.  And you know I’ll do it.

Xach: **gulp**

Larry: I thought so.

Xach: Uh…  I don’t have a ride…

Larry: My uncle has a big truck—

All: NO!!!

Wendi: I’ll take you!

Xach: Darn. (T-T)

Wendi: Don’t worry; it can’t be THAT bad…

All: (-_-;)

Wendi: Okay, so it can be that bad… But only because of Larry’s uncle!

Larry: Hey!  Only I can insult my family!

Ashley: Chelsea has to go too!

Larry: Yeah!

Chelsea: I told you, I already have plans.

Wendi: I’ll pick you up!

Chelsea: No!

Wendi: I know where you live!

Chelsea: ‘Darn!’  Well, you won’t take me alive!

Wendi: **picks up frying pan** Okay! (^-^)

All: **sweatdrop**

Xach: …

Chelsea: …

Wendi: (^o^)

Ashley: …

Larry: What the hell is wrong with y’all?

All: **sweatdrop gets bigger**

Random Guy No. 1: **taping Ashley on the shoulder** Hey babe—

SLAP!!!

Random Guy No. 1: (X_X)

Ashley: Mwuahahahahaha!!!

1:04 pm – the bell rings

-----------------------------------------

Saturday Morning

Chelsea’s House…

Chelsea: I’m bored.  Too bad the skating rink’s closed.

Doorbell rings.

Chelsea: I’ll get it! **walks over to front door and peers out peephole**  It looks like… Xach??? (O.O)  XACH, IS THAT YOU OUT THERE??

Xach: UH, YEAH.

Chelsea: **opens front door** Why are you HERE?  How the heck do YOU know where I live?

Xach: **grabs her by the wrist, drags her down the driveway, and throws her into a van, which he gets into also**

Chelsea: ‘What the heck?!  Is he kidnapping me?’  **looks around to see Evan, Wendi, and Wendi’s parents in the van too**  Oh no…

Xach: Oh yes.  I am not going to be the only innocent victim here!  If I have to go, you have to go.

Wendi: Now our whole lunchbunch is going to the festival!  Plus one Evan!

Evan: (Oo)

Chelsea: Darn it.

-----------------------------------------

Cheese Festival…

Ashley: Well, Larry, at least your uncle found a way to amuse himself.

Larry’s Uncle: **running around killing people dressed up as large chunks of cheese** MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All: (O.O;)

Chelsea: The cheese population is decreasing rapidly.

Xach: What will he do once he’s killed all of the “cheese people”?

Larry: **shrugs** Go for the rest of the dairy products?

Larry’s Uncle: BWUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  DIE EVIL CHEESE PEOPLE, DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Cows, YOU’RE NEXT!!!

Everyone dressed up like a cow: (((((((((((((O_______O)))))))))))))

All: (OO;)

Some man dressed up as a goat: Come!  Experience cheese at first sight!  Come into the “Tunnel of Cheese”!

All: (O_O)

Random Guy No. 2: Hehehe… Instead of the “Tunnel of Love,” we have a “Tunnel of Cheese”!

All: (Oo;)

Wendi: Evan, let’s go! **drags Evan towards the VERY short line leading to the “ToC”**

Evan: (O________O)

All: (^_^;)

Larry: Who wants to help me find my uncle?

Ashley, Chelsea, & Xach: …NOT ME!!!

Larry: (-_-;) Fine! **goes off towards the cheese funhouse**

Ashley: Should we buy black or pink roses?

Chelsea: For what?

Ashley: (^_^) For Larry’s funeral.

Xach: When is it?

Both girls: (--;)

Chelsea: So, what do y’all want to do?

Ashley: (^___________^) You know what?  I think I’m going to go help Larry find his uncle… **backs away slowly, then runs off**

Xach: That was… weird.

Chelsea: (O_o) Yeah…

Xach: So… **pulls out a flyer** Uh…  Do you want to get a cheeseburger or something?

Chelsea: I dunno…  Is it a “cheeseburger” or a “burger made of cheese”?

Xach: I don’t know.

Chelsea: (^_^) Wendi and Evan are alone, right?

Xach: Yeah…

Chelsea: Why don’t you and I go “talk” to them? (^_~)

Xach: Huh?

Chelsea: (-_-) I mean, LET’S GO PULL SOME PRANKS!!!

Xach: Oh.  OK.

They leave towards the “ToC”.

Meanwhile…

“I’ll get all of the dairy products in the entire festival if it’s the last thing I do!!!  MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

-----------------------------------------

Cafeteria…

12:31 pm – the lunch bell rings

Chelsea, Larry, and Xach are already sitting down.

Chelsea: So, what happened to your uncle?

Larry: He killed some dairy products, a lot of random people, and a real cow.  Then the fuzz showed up and now he’s in jail.

Chelsea: (O.O)

Xach: Did Ashley help you?

Larry: I thought she was with y’all.

Xach: No…  She left to help you find your uncle, and then we— **Chelsea slaps a hand over his mouth**

Larry: **arches eyebrows in suspicion**

Chelsea: Hehehehehe………

Larry: Oh, I understand EXACTLY what y’all were doing! (^_~)

Chelsea: YOU PERVERTED, HENTAI TWINKIE!!!  WE WOULD NEVER DO THAT!!!  WE’D NEVER SINK DOWN TO YOUR LEVEL!!!

Larry: Sheesh, woman!  Must you yell?

Chelsea: Yes.

Xach: Uh… here comes Wendi…

Larry: And might I add that She. Looks. Ticked.

Wendi: **sits down glaring at Chelsea and Xach**

Chelsea: **to Xach** Run and hide!  Run and hide!

Xach: (O_o)

Wendi: I don’t think Evan wants to hang out with me anymore… and I have YOU TWO to thank.

Larry: Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!  What’d they do???

Chelsea: **sighs** We spied on them in the tunnel, overturned their cheese-boat-thingy, and ran off laughing.

Xach: You forgot to mention that we switched out Evan’s brown medicine for roach poop.

Wendi: (((((((((((((O_______O))))))))))))) YOU DID WHAT?????!!!!!??

Chelsea: (^o^;) Hehehe…

Xach: Oops…?

Larry: You mean Evan is stupid enough that he can’t tell the difference between medicine and poop?

Wendy: …grrr…

Ashley: **sits down**

Chelsea: Evan’s not stupid…  He’s just… different…

Twilight music plays.

Larry: Where the hell is that coming from?

All: (O_O;)

Wendi: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!  HE’S HARASSING ME!!! **points to Larry**

All: (((((((((((((((((((((((((O_____O)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Two police come over.

Cop No. 1: WHAT???!!!

Cop No. 2: **handcuffs Larry** Finally!   This kid’s family has been on the Wanted List for years…  Meh, we can use him as bait!

All: (O.O;)

Ashley: LARRRRRRY!!!

Wendi: YEA!!!  Larry will get in trouble! (^-^V)

Chelsea: He’ll probably go to jail…

Larry: Alright, Wendi, this means WAR!!!  GO MY HENTAI PALS!!! **millions of black Twinkies dressed in sombreros begin attacking random people**

Ashley: AHHH!!!  EVIL TWINKIES OF THE BLACK DAWN!!!

All: ((((((((((O_______________O""""""""""""""""""""))))))))))

Ashley: Well, they are!

All: (-_-;)

Larry: BWUAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  TWINKIES WILL PREVAIL!!!

All: (O.O""""""""")

Xach: **sipping juice quietly**

Chelsea: What’s wrong, Xach?

Xach: **quietly** One of those Twinkies has a sign that reads Xach is our Master.

Chelsea: (O_o)

Random Twinkie No. 1: Look!  It’s Xach, our master! **all Twinkies cheer and instantly surround Xach, praising him**

Wendi: Twinkies must die! **smashes one with her foot**

Random Twinkie No. 2: Master, what should we do?

Larry: **being dragged away by FBI** WAA!!!  Obey me!!!  My Hentai Twinkies!!!  NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **finally thrown into SWAT vehicle**

Chelsea: **whispers something into Xach’s ear** (^o^)

Ashley: **overhears** Oh!  Please!  Can I do it?  Xach, please?  PLEASE???

Xach: Oookay…  Uh, Twinkies, your new master is Ashley.

Awkward silence where crickets chirp…

Twinkies stare at Xach like he’s crazy.  Then they cheer and surround Ashley.

Ashley: (=^0^=)

A couple days later…

It’s lunchtime… again.

Xach: So, how’s Ashley?

Wendi: She’s still force-feeding Larry the black Twinkies.

Chelsea: Now our lunch is nice, quiet, and peaceful.

Crickets chirping.

Wendi: It’s quiet…

Chelsea: Too quiet…

“LARRY!!!”

“ASHLEY!!!”

“WE WANT Y’ALL BACK!!!”

-----------------------------------------

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed that.  My friends did, so I thought other people would too.  Well, plz leave a review on your way out!