Shady Crew BBQ

BY: Irish Guy

It was nearing the end of a long summer when Master Elf decided to hold a casual get together at his house for all his employees at Fiction press. Master Elf is hanging over the barbeque making hamburgers as Samurai Platypus converses with Juraki…

“Everyone took my story the wrong way, in the end, the demon wasn’t laughing because he was going to kill the kid or because he scared him, it was because he was planning on filling a bucket with warm water and putting Donny’s hand in there.”

“Hey guys, do you want your burgers medium or well done?” asked Master Elf.

“Mediu…” started Juraki but was cut off by the abrupt entrance of the Irish Guy.

“Yo, Master Elf, how’s it hanging? You know what, don’t answer that, just point me to the keg, I brought an extra tap just in case there’s an ‘accident’.”

“Uh, there is no keg, there’s a cooler with light beer.” Replied Master Elf.

“Light huh? Well let me run to my car, I should have a few cases of regular beer in my cooler.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to buy beer for us.”

“I didn’t, it’s my earthquake safety kit.”

“Oh…” With Master Elf’s last comment, the Irish Guy ran to his car to grab the beer.

“Hey Elf meister,” started Samurai, “I didn’t know you were going to invite him again.”

“Why wouldn’t I? He’s part of our organization.”

“Well yeah, but still, last year he came over and sucked the beer straight from the tap, that’s why we didn’t get another keg, remember?”

“Oh yeah…”

“Then after he pounded what was in the keg he ‘went for a swim’ in your pool.”

Master Elf shuddered at the memory of having to drain his pool then scrub down every square inch due to the bladder control issues the Irish Guy has when drunk.

“Well, he’s already here, let’s just keep him away from the beer.”

“Hey guys, I found three six packs of beer, but, uh, well, there’s only this one left now…”

“Oh man, keep him away from my pool…”

“Uh, by the way, you might need to throw some air fresheners in your outhouse.”

“Outhouse? I don’t have an outhou…oh God, my tool shed!” Master Elf ran to grab a hose to wash down his shed but then stopped. “Who am I kidding, Samurai, do you have some gasoline and lighter?”

“Always.” Samurai reached into his trench coat and pulled out a container of gasoline and his trademark lighter. After a few minutes of awkward silence between Juraki, Samurai, and Irish Guy, there was a flash of light and the sound of horrid screaming and wailing.

“My shed, my precious shed…I’ll kill that bastard!”

“So…how’s our stock doing?” asked Irish Guy

“We don’t have any stock.” Replied Samurai.

“Oh, never mind then…so Juraki, how’s, uh, stuff?”

“I got more.” He said simply

“How’s that working out for you?”

“Not as good as you’d think.”

“Oh well…can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Is the demon going to kill Donny?”

“You know, the thing about that is…” Juraki was cut off by an enraged Elf holding a fireplace poker.

“That was my grandfather’s shack! He lived in it until he murdered the people who lived in the house!”

“Well, I can take a hint, I think I should be on my way now.” The Irish Guy ran to the gate of the backyard and hoped the fence. “Same time next year!”