I wore a crucifix around my neck

as though it were a dagger between my breasts.

I clasped my hands

as though my gesture could redeem me of all of my sins.

I closed my eyes

and pretended not to see what was right in front of me.

You are

the wisdom

that wise men speak of

but I do not feel you against me.

I feel the human touch

leveling me

down to the size of a woman

who stands out in the open

looking

toward the sky

and the ground

but sees nothing.

I miss you

I miss you so bad,

bad enough to keep these verses on paper

and let them level me

down to the size of a poet

out here

in the open

wishing for yesterday

and tomorrow

and trying to ignore today.

I wish that I could feel again

reach my hands up

and feel

the sun

on my fingertips

but I will not

I cannot.

I asked why

then when

you could take so much away from me.

Even if Jessica is an angel

I don't want to see it.

Those angels

belong

in my arms

not yours.

Those angels

belong to us

not you.

I miss you

I miss you so much

but I will never believe again.