This Dying Soul
(Lyrics are from This Dying Soul, by Dream Theatre)
AN: Companion piece to Demon Star. Takes place before the Demon Star storyline. I know, y'all--that's assuming I have more than one reader--are probably getting sick of this series, right? -_-; *sighs*

[Reflections of Reality]

Keena paced the wide room restlessly, her gaze directed intently at the intricately woven rug that passed beneath her own quickly moving feet. The movement--back and forth repeatedly across the room--helped to keep her mind off of other matters, far less pleasant to contemplate than the rug. It seemed to Keena that she simply had too much time on her hands lately; her mind had begun to wander back to things better left buried in the back of her mind, lost beneath far more recent memories and thoughts. However, with no regard to what Keena thought or wanted, it seemed that in the idle days that passed by so quietly that the messy pile of memories had begun to shift, bringing to the light things that hadn't been uncovered for years. Suddenly she paused, catching a movement in the room with her from the corner of her eye. Instinctively she was ready to fight, but there was nothing there that could be beaten back--just the mirror.

Hello, Mirror - so glad to see you my friend, it's been a while
Searching, Fearless - where do I begin to heal this wound of self- denial

Frowning Keena eyed her reflection in the mirror. At first glance she looked no different than she would expect; same brown hair pulled loosely back away from her face, comfortable clothing covering a deceptively small frame, brown eyes looking suspiciously at the mirror even though there was nothing reflected there worthy of her suspicion--except maybe herself.

Face yourself man!
Brace yourself and trace your hell back

No, on the outside she looked just the same as usual. The only real difference was the absence of the weapons that usually adorned her frame; there was no real need for weapons where she was and she was almost willing to admit that she was beginning to like the idea of not having to walk about armed to the teeth. A sense of security, safety was not something that she was used to, but it was something she thought she might grow to enjoy--if given the chance. Keena hadn't been given much opportunity to feel safe before. The idea now made her nervous; the thought that she might all too willingly let down her guard, only to painfully regret it later was nagging at the back of her mind with the rest of her painful memories--the ones she wanted to forget.

You've been blinded, living lie a one way cold existence all the while
Now it's time to stare the problem right between the eyes you long lost child

It was hard, realizing that it was those same memories, those experiences that made her what she was now. She had built a life on the same memories that she hoped to forget, and that was a difficult thing to come to terms with. Maybe it was time to build on better experiences, but it was hard to forget....

I wanna feel your body breaking
Wanna feel your body breaking and shaking and left in the cold
I want to heal your conscience making a change o fix this dying soul

Keena's frown only deepened as she approached the mirror, moving forward cautiously as though it were a living thing able to strike out at her without a moment's hesitation. Old habits die hard and memories of pain linger beneath the surface of one's mind, waiting for the opportune moment to strike. They're always there, and sometimes it's hard to see the good through the bad. Reaching out Keena touched her own face that was reflected back from the mirror; the glass was cold--like her eyes. She pulled back her hand quickly, wrapping her arms around herself and turning away from the mirror. Shaking slightly she closed her eyes. Her reflection was cruel--the truth--and hard to take, just like her memories.

Born into this world a broken home
Surrounded by love yet all alone
Forced into a life that's split in two
A mother and a father both pulling you

A young girl hides from the yelling behind a closed door, but it isn't enough to block out the harsh words being exchanged in a nearby room. There never seems to be a moment of peace in this young girl's life, and no matter how hard she tries she can't ignore the shouts, even though she knows she'd rather not hear. Soon the shouting is replaced by the sound of a slamming door, and the girl waits a few minutes before silently opening the door behind which she sits. Creeping into the hallway she's accompanied by the sound of sobbing in a neighboring room. She tip-toes past that room and heads for the door that will lead her outside where she'll watch other families pass on the street. She sometimes wonders why her family can't be like them, but she'll never dare ask anyone that question; she'll never even hint that she wants anything other than what she's got. Keena knows she's luckier than some--at least she has family.

Then you had to deal with loss and death
Everybody thinking they know best
Coping with this shit at such an age
Can only fill a kid with pain and rage

It's a few years later and that same young girl sits outside a run- down house, playing alone in the empty street. Things almost seem to be getting better, but maybe she's just getting better at ignoring the fights. A friend of the family passes her by on the way to the house, not even giving her a second glance; she almost calls out to him but holds her tongue, seeing the intent expression on his face. Instead she waits until he enters the house, letting himself in and closing the door soundly behind him; soon she follows, opening the door silently and creeping into the house--this is something she's had a lot of practice with. Boldly she steps into the room she knows her parents and their friend will be in, but she stops cold in the doorway when she sees the scene taking place. Both her parents lay on the floor in a pool of blood, and the family friend aggressively pulls a dagger from her father's chest before turning, finally looking her way. Keena freezes, fearful for her life....

Family disease pumped through your blood
Never had the chance you thought you could
Running all the while with no escape
Turning all that pain into blame and hate

Now into her teens the girl stands before a middle-aged man, a dagger hidden deftly in the folds of her clothing, within easy reach should something go amiss. She accepts a small pouch full of coins in exchange for an item he had hired her to find; suspicion lights her eyes as she checks the pouch's contents, but she is satisfied with the payment. As she turns to go the man comments offhandedly that she turned out just like her father....The girl clenches her fists suddenly, pausing in her steps. Her hand itches to retrieve the dagger from it's hiding place and show the man just how much like her father she could be, but she forces herself to walk away. Keena knows now that she can't stay in this town any longer; she hates everything about it. It's time to leave.

Living on your own by twenty one
Not a single care and having fun
Consuming all the life in front of you
Burning out the fuse and smoking the residue

A young woman in her early twenties strides through the streets of a large city, a frown upon her face. No one stands in her way as she walks. She's well-known on the streets, if not by name then by the distinguishing items she carries with her. The young woman has developed a reputation for being callous and indifferent, caring for no one. Keena does what she wants, when she wants, and no one dares suggest otherwise.

Possessive obsessions selfish childish games
Vengeful resentments
Passing all the blame
Living out a life of decadence
Acting without thought of consequence
Spreading all your lies from coast to coast
While spitting on the ones that matter most

She's not completely sure when it happened, but some time ago the young woman had finally had to admit it: she truly had turned out just like her father--cold, harsh....And she enjoyed it. It was surprisingly easy to convince herself that it was liberating to not worry about anything but herself, and she had quickly learned to depend on no one but herself. She didn't need to depend on anyone, and that was the way it would stay--was the way she liked it. She told herself that she enjoyed her job, and early on she had quickly developed a reputation for doing whatever had to be done in order to complete whatever she had been hired to do. Regardless of consequence, Keena had developed into a top-notch mercenary.

Running power mad with no control
Fighting for the credit they once stole
No one can ever tell you what to do
Ruling other's lives while they can't stand the thought of you

Few people dared to stand in her way for long. Despite her small size she was dangerous, and she knew it. A long life on her own had forced this future upon her, but she no longer thought about the hows or whys of her development; she only wanted to make sure that she remained that way-- powerful, feared, following no one but herself. She knew well enough that she wasn't well-liked, even by those who hired her--but they did hire her. Hated, yet too useful to be disposed of, Keena had performed many tasks that most people would cringe to remember, but she was used to ignoring the past.

A living reflection seen from miles away
A hopeless affliction having run astray

Finally Keena opened her eyes, risking another look at the mirror that faithfully reflected her image. Tears stained her cheeks--the truth hurt more than she could have imagined. Maybe it was hopeless--her whole life had been spent running from her past, the same past that her life had been built upon--but maybe it wasn't too late yet to turn back....

I wanna feel your body breaking
Wanna feel your body breaking and shaking and left in the cold
I want to heal your conscience making a change o fix this dying soul

Letting her arms drop back down to her sides Keena eyed the girl reflected there. Once she had prided herself on having to rely on no one but herself, on needing nothing from anyone, but suddenly she realized that maybe there were some things that simply couldn't be done on her own.

Now that you can see all you have done
It's time to take that step into the kingdom
All your sins will only make you strong
And help you break right through the prison wall

Keena had a long list of sins--she could see them all too clearly now. Maybe it was time to repent; all of her past sins and pains were catching up with her and it was simply becoming too much. It was time, she decided, to do something she had told herself she would never have to do again--rely on someone else for help. She cast one final glance at the mirror--the girl there looked hurt, sorry, but she knew that wasn't enough. The sharing of a burden makes the load lighter; Keena knew that it was time to lay bare the pain. Maybe then she could finally, truly put the past behind her. She didn't want to be alone any longer.

[Release]

Jabez wasn't expecting company, so he was surprised when he heard a light knock at his door. He was even more surprised when he opened the door to find Keena standing there; it was immediately obvious that something was wrong. Even though her head was lowered it was plain to see that tears stained her face. Even though she had come to him, she seemed uncertain--something that was odd for Keena--as though she wasn't sure how to say what it was that she obviously needed to say. He knew though, that whatever it was, he would do his best to help.

Come to me my friend (Listen to me)
I'll help this torture end (Help to set me free)
Let your ego go (I can't carry this load)
You can't go through this alone (I feel so hopeless and exposed)
You'll find your peace of mind (Give me some direction)
You can no longer hide (Break out of this isolation)
Let humility (Openness, honesty)
And become what you can be (A healing tranquility)

"Jabez, I...."
She faltered; now that she was standing before him, Keena realized that she simply didn't know what to say to make Jabez understand what she wanted to tell him--or, suddenly, even if she should say it. But, perhaps she didn't need to say anything.
Unable to put into words what it was she was feeling, Keena fought the instinct to turn away, to leave...she knew that she didn't really want to go, it was just that she was finding speaking now ever so much harder than any other battle she had ever fought. She was suddenly finding that she had no words to express herself, but she wasn't quite ready to give up; instead she glanced upwards, her tearful gaze locking with Jabez's worried stare. That shared glance was all that was needed.

Help me
Save me
Heal me
I can't break out of this prison all alone

Jabez stepped forward, pulling Keena in from the doorway and dark hallway beyond. Without a second thought he pulled her straight into his arms, holding her closely as her tears renewed. A single sob escaped her lips, and that seemed to be all that she needed; quickly she began to speak, her words muffled against his chest and her sentences broken often as she had to swallow back another sob. Jabez listened closely to her sometimes nearly incomprehensible words; he knew better than to interrupt, for to stop her now might mean losing his only chance to help. Keena was not one to often ask for help, nor to need it, but Jabez knew well enough that not all battles could be fought alone. This was one of them.
The past was a difficult demon to battle.

These tormenting ghosts of yesterday
Will vanish when exposed
You can't hold onto your secrets
They'll only send you back alone

It was a long while before Keena's halting, broken words finally faded. Her breathing, once quick and ragged, had evened out as her story had come to an end, a sign that she was finally relaxing. Even her tears had stopped flowing as her words had come to a close, but still she held tightly to Jabez, as though she were afraid he might let go. But Jabez had no intentions of letting her go.
"Keena...."
Keena tensed slightly at Jabez's voice, refusing to lift her face from his chest and her fists clenching even tighter on the material of his shirt. She was afraid that, after finally hearing forthright her unspeakable past, Jabez would push her away; she wasn't sure that she had ever feared something so much.
Sighing lightly Jabez removed one of his hands from Keena's back. She seemed to freeze with apprehension, but she had no reason to fear. Jabez rested his hand alongside her face, his thumb gently wiping away her tears. "It's alright...." he spoke, his words barely above a whisper. "Everything will be fine."

Your fearless admissions
Will help expel your destructive obsessions
With my help I know you can
Be at one with God and man

Keena didn't know whether to nod, or cry in relief. Somehow she believed his words, believed that he wouldn't lie about something so very important; she hoped to god that everything would indeed be fine.
"Yes," she said softly, feeling the need to voice her hopeful agreement. "You're right....Everything's going to be okay."
As she sighed in relief--those words had been easier coming than she had expected--she felt Jabez's fingers running soothingly through her hair, and finally she relaxed her grip on his shirt though still not wanting to let go. For once she felt comfortable just where she was, and that was something that she wanted to last.

Hear me
Believe me
Take me
I'm ready to break right through this prison wall

AN: *evil laughter* And this is where I end it. Romance isn't my thing. ^^;