Everything appeared so dark, even the bright April sun appeared as thought it was darker as Kristen Walker slowly passed down the hall. Her hair, long and dark, was hanging in her eyes and a large grey sweater covered her petite body. The air was chilly, and although happy conversation occurred around her, she remained sullen and quiet while thoughts rushed around in her mind, causing her head to literally spin.

Across the hall, she saw him. At first she hadn't been sure she had actually seen him; there had been more then one occasion when it appeared that she could see his golden hair, but this time when the guy turned around it was his ice cold eyes staring quickly at her. She looked away as hastily as possible, staring at the ground or the sign above his head, anything but his those eyes that once again had caught her glances at him.

Of course in the beginnings, these awkward glances had been filled with both hatred and want. Now, as she stole another glance, she wondered how she felt about him. That morning, she had sat in her bathroom and cried about the situation until her eyes were red and blotchy, and her mascara had run half way down her face. Her eyeliner had smudged, and she had ended up looking worse then she intended, but she didn't care anymore. Maybe, he would look at her and see how much of a mess her life was in.

She snapped back into reality, as she noticed him laughing in his group of friends. Of course he wouldn't realize what she was going through. He could barely care about anyone's existence but his own, and she wasn't even going to tell him the hell that he was putting her through, even if it was unintentional. She shook her head, and turned her concentration to the people standing beside her but it was impossible. Her eyes kept wondering, and landing on him; his bright smile and the way his laugh made his whole body shake.

"Kristen." She turned her attention in the direction of the voice, and let out a small smile; it was the most she had smiled in days.

"I have to go." She said quickly, grabbing her bag and walking in the other direction. Her stomach was churning violently, something that had started previous days before. She walked quickly, keeping her eyes watching the floor before her. Opening the door to the woman's bathroom, she stepped inside and let the door close behind her. She glanced in the mirror quickly, and noticed the dark circles under her eyes that she hadn't noticed before.

Opening up the stall to the bathroom, she stepped inside and let her bag drop down to her feet. Looking at the porcelain toilet bowl, she felt her stomach heave, and then as she fell to her knees she heaved again and felt herself gag. The sound of her coughing and gagging filled the bathroom and she was glad that no one was around to hear her spill her breakfast. As she fell back against the door of the stall, she wiped her chin with the back of her hand. Her eyes were filled with tears, and she tried to hold them back, but they spilled freely and she sobbed.

"Are you okay in there?" A girl asked. She must have come in while Kristen had been gagging.

"I'm fine." She answered, flushing the toilet. Walking out of the stall, she saw the suspicious look that she was giving her, and she gave her a passing smile as she washed her hands at the sink and walked out of the bathroom.

Reaching into her book bag, she pulled out a pack of gum and popped a couple pieces in her mouth. She didn't want to go to class and have people notice the smell of vomit on her breath. It was bad enough that she looked like hell lately; she didn't want people believing she had some kind of eating disorder too, or at least not one where she threw up the things she ate. She didn't care if she ever ate again. She could starve herself, and lose a bunch of weight and then waste away and no one would even miss her.

As she walked into her English class, she saw Jason give her a glance. Well, it was more like he was looking right through her, and that hurt more then him looking at her. She took her seat, glanced once more in his direction just wishing she could ruin his perfect existence, and then sighed. It would be perfect. She could watch him smile brightly, walk up to him and let him know what was going on, and then watch him drop to his knees and begin to cry. Then she could walk away smiling, brighter then she had in a month, because his life would officially be over. The thought had passed through her mind continuously, more then anything else, but in the end she knew that it would really change anything.

The teacher was standing before the class, talking and telling them to copy notes. Kristen was sitting in her seat, her binder remaining closed, and she was daydreaming. Well, not so much daydreaming as much as playing the same scenario over in her hand again and again. She sighed. As much as the though of watching her ex-boyfriend's life crash down around him was appealing, she knew that she could never do anything like that to him. He didn't ask for this, like she hadn't asked for this, and the thought of burdening one more person with that fact was just another stress in her life that she did not need.

He had told her plain and simply that he wanted to be alone and while his definition of being alone right now seemed to include sex with many different partners, telling him about her and her 'plus-one' was not going to be the best idea. She laughed silently. It was funny, for so long she had been thinking about any way that she could get him back, and now she could have him in her life forever if she wanted, and she wasn't choosing to use that power. She didn't know why she wasn't going to use that power, but maybe she still loved him too much to use it. Even if her life was about to change drastically, she couldn't and wouldn't pass it onto him.

"Kristen, do you have your homework done?" She looked up into her teacher's stern eyes, and shook her head no. Huffing, the teacher walked onto the next student. She knew what her teacher was thinking, she was probably wondering the same thing everyone had been wondering lately- what is wrong with her? Why does she look like hell lately? Why does she keep wearing big baggy clothes lately? What happened?

Of course no one knew. She hadn't told a soul yet, and she wasn't planning on telling one either. She couldn't tell her parents because the thought of watching as her mother let out sobs of disappointment, and fell to her knees asking 'oh god, why oh why?' was more then she could even bare, and then they would tell her this was the moment when she had to make a choice, and be an adult about the situation. She couldn't tell her friends, because they too would tell her to make a decision, most likely a decision to tell her parents. No matter what she did, a decision would be made, an adult decision. And, Kristen wasn't an adult. She was sixteen; she wasn't ready to make the decisions she was being faced with.

When class was over, she promptly left and rushed to her next class. She knew that Jason's class was close to her own, and she didn't feel like running into him. It was hard enough when he would talk to her over the computer, telling her of the great girls he was screwing around with now that she was out of his life. Every time he mentioned his latest conquest, she would feel the tears swell up in her eyes, and she would grit her teeth and stop herself from just typing what was wrong, and letting him know.

"Whoa, Kristen." She turned around and saw her friend Carly was standing behind her. She smiled slightly, and slowed down so that she could talk to her.

"Hi."

She had a concerned look on her face that had been prominent on many of Kristen's friends the last couple weeks. Everyone seemed to be showing signs of worry, but if they opened their eyes they could have easily have figured out what was going on. "How are you?" She asked, with a tone of worry and concern. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

She kept her answers short. She didn't want to even think about getting into it, because she feared that if she started talking, she would never stop and everyone would know. She couldn't handle that, especially because of the decisions. Maybe if she pretended that it wasn't happening she could wake up in her bed and everything would have been a dream. She would be the same old Kristen she had been a month ago; the same person she had been before she had sat on the edge of the sink had her entire life change. Her she was, one month later, and facing the most difficult decisions of her life and she had no one around to help her.

Carly was still looking concerned. "Are you sure you are okay?"

"Yep." She tried to sound chipper, but ended up sounding even more pathetic. She added an obviously fake smile to her face, "I should hurry, and I don't want to be late." And she hurried down the hall away from her friend and the rest of the world. She rushed into her classroom, and sat down in her seat. Her stomach was churning, and she fought the urge to run to the bathroom and throw up until her head spun and her body ached. She didn't want to walk into that hall, and right into him. He would be smiling as he walked down that hall, he always did, and he would look right through her as he walked by. Every time she ran into him, she fought the urge to break down and cry. She didn't want him thinking that he had hurt her, was still hurting her. She wanted him to believe she was better off with out him, and that she didn't even waste her thoughts or tears on him. Unfortunately, she was lying to him as much as she was lying to herself.

Her second class flew by, well at least to her. It was no wonder that her grades were suffering, she didn't do her work and she didn't pay attention. Instead she would sit in her chair and think about everything going on. It would have been easier if she had let someone, anyone, know what was going on. Her thoughts and pain were eating away at her, and she wasn't sure how long she could keep this thing hidden. Eventually, she wouldn't be able to hide her secret, and when that happened the shit would hit the fan. There were not enough large grey sweaters in the world to hide what was happening to her.

School was over, and she was sitting on the bus, alone. It was a shame that she was separating herself from her peers. They could have helped her, but instead she just dealt with everything on her own. Walking through life, her burden weighing herself down. She was cutting herself off from the life she had once lived, filling her head with fears and hatred.

"Kristen." It was her mother, standing there about to go off to work. She looked worried about her daughter, and she had been for days. It was no wonder; she looked like the monster from the black lagoon. "How was school?"

"Fine."

There they were, the only words she knew anymore. They came out of her mouth automatically, without even thinking. Anytime anyone asked anything about how she was, how things were, that was what she answered. Then she would leave them standing there, still wondering what was going on in her head. She retreated into her bedroom, tossed her bags down on her bed, and opened up her diary. It was the only place she could let things out, unfortunately her diary couldn't help her remove these problems from her life. It could only allow her to read over her words again and again, and question the situation even more.

She fell asleep, on a Friday afternoon, and didn't wake again until the next morning. Her body was tired, fatigued, and it was no wonder. She didn't eat much, unless she had too, and even then it wasn't much. She had lost weight, which wasn't exactly healthy in her current situation, and it was showing.

She slipped on her jeans; they fell loose on her hips, and walked down into her kitchen. Her mother and father were both sitting at the table, and when she entered the room both there eyes fell on her. "Hi Kristen." She nodded, and poured herself a glass of orange juice. She took a sip, then poured the rest down the drain and walked back up into her bedroom. Climbing under the covers, she melted into them. It would be lovely if she could just fade into nothingness, and leave behind everything. The thought appealed to her more then anything else, but she didn't. It wasn't about her anymore; it was about more then her. She had to keep on living if only for the child growing inside of her. It seemed distressing to think it, but maybe if she did become a mother, she would always have someone to love her. That thought had been there a lot lately, and the more she thought about it, the more it become appealing. She had dealt with losing so many people in her life, and now it appeared as though she would finally have someone permanent in her life to love her: always and forever.

She shook her head. It was silly thought. She couldn't be a mother, hell; she could barely take care of herself. How could she even think about taking care of an infant, and finishing high school, and making something of her life? But then again, how could she tell anyone what was going on. She didn't want to disappoint her parents, she didn't want to become just another statistic, and she didn't want to be the one that everyone learned NOT to become like. If only. if only things had only been different.

"Kristen!" Her mother's voice echoed throughout her room. She walked out and looked down the steps at her mother. She was standing there, still looking worried about her eldest daughter. If only she could be one tenth of the person her mother was, and maybe she could. Of course, she couldn't even imagine what her mother was going to say when she told her. She could barely picture the look that would come across her face as she did; it would be one of those white as a ghost looks. She would probably become very quiet, not even sure if she should yell, and then walk away. She didn't want to hurt her mother like that; maybe that was what kept her from coming out and telling her.

"Mom?" She was still quiet. She had been lying in bed thinking for hours, apart from the rest of the world and content to stay that way.

"Are you okay?" Her mom asked, again. Everyone seemed to continue asking even though they must have known by now they would always get the same answer. Maybe they figured that one of these days the answer would finally change. Maybe they figured that one of these days, Kristen would she admit that she needed help.

"I'm fine mom." The same answer, the same words she repeated every day and every night. They never changed, even if she wanted to change that, she never did.

She walked back into her room, and shut the door closing her mother and the rest of the world out of her life. She wanted so many things. But right now, she wanted just to know what to do. Each passing day was another day that her secret got closer to coming out, and each passing day was another day that someone would ask if she was okay and she would answer that she was fine. It was a never-ending cycle of pain and loneliness, and she couldn't escape it. It would always follow her.

She closed her eyes again, trying to picture her life that was ahead of her. Could she be a mother, could she do it? Especially considering she was going to be a single mother, on her own without anyone to help her. Her parents maybe, but they had always told her they would never raise a child if she were to become pregnant. They didn't even know that situation was staring them right in the eye, and that there baby was pregnant with her own.

Jason's face popped into her head. It always seemed to when she thought about the future and raising her child. She wondered what would happen the day she walked into school and Jason would see her and her baby bump and everyone would figure out that thing she was dealing with, that thing that she had been dealing with for months, it was the fact that she was pregnant with his child. She wondered how he would react? Would he be angry that she hadn't told him? Would him simply say it was her problem and walk off? She had no idea of knowing, and that was even scarier then the life that was ahead of her. Would he help her raise this child, or would he continue on with his newfound sexual freedom?

She squeezed her eyes closed, and tried to remove the thoughts from her mind. She wanted to think about something else, ANYTHING else but this right now. She was sixteen, she should have been thinking about boys, and partying and drinking instead of thinking about babies, and bottles and diapers. The music was slow and sombre and she was feeling very tired. Her body was exhausted, so she drifted off to sleep, thinking no more about anything but a world where nothing was wrong.

Eight o'clock the next morning was when she awoke. The light had filled her room, and when she had turned to roll on her side so that the light was not in her eyes, she felt a severe pain in her abdomen.

'What's going on?' The pain was intense and she could barely breath. The severity grew, until it felt like someone was stabbing her over and over.

She let out a small whimper, and tried to sit up and another wave of excruciating pain washed over her, and she fell to her knees holding her stomach.

'Oh god.' She thought to herself, thoughts of panic entering her mind. She could only think that this could be one thing, and it would explain the intense pain she was experiencing. She made her way to the bathroom, crawling on all fours slowly, and shut the door behind her. The pain was so intense, she felt at one point as though she was going to pass out, but she fought the feeling. Looking down, she noticed that blood was soaking through her pants.

'This can't be happening.'

But it was happening; she knew that this couldn't be a dream. She was lying here on her bathroom floor, soaked with blood and crying from the pain she was experiencing. She sobbed loudly, holding herself because there was no one else near her to comfort her. She was alone; she had always been alone in this. A flash of what could have been entered her head; the dreams she had about being a wonderful mother, and always having someone to love passed quickly through her head. Everything she had imagined; the thoughts of her own child calling her mommy and hugging her before bed. All of them flashed quickly, and then faded into black.

She was once again, alone.