Random Bouts of Randomness

By an equally random author known to others as RedLady.

Summary: A collection of random stories with random events inside them which may or may not have any connection to anything. Despite all that, these stories still have a plot... Beware of talking animals, ghosts, falling objects and/or people, volatile outbursts. Let the craziness ensue...

Warning: This is an extremely random story. Read at your own risk. Not for those with possible weak body parts of any kind.

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Bout # 1.000001

A story with a pirate theme about a star fish and body switching.

Begin... now.

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This is RedLady. That's right I said RedLady... sometimes just called Red... not Miss Red... Not Lady Red... but RedLady... but enough about the name...

Some call her strange, others call her eccentric... someone once said she was chaos in human form and another someone said she was a randomholic. But one thing is for sure... she is no ordinary girl. Who or what is she? Who is to know for certain. But this is her... and these are her adventures...

(It gets very dangerous when I'm bored... and stuff like this happens... so watch out and get ready for randomness to the 100th power.)

RedLady's Star Fish Adventure!

(By: RedLady)

It all started this one day when she decided she wanted to have a pirate adventure. So she stowed away on a ship...

"Heh heh... they'll never find me here..." She said hiding behind some barrels. Before she knew it she was getting picked up and thrown overboard. But who had thrown her over? She didn't know since she hadn't been able to get a glimpse of whoever it was.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She wailed while accepting gravity as her fate and the water as the substance that would meet her fall. When she finally reached the water, she started splashing around a lot.

"AHH!!! THE WATER!!! THE WATER!!!" She yelled while splashing.

"OH NO!!!! Can you swim!?!?!" Someone said who just happened to be Red's friend J.

"Just stand up." Another voice said from the ship.

"Oh." RedLady stood up and realized she was only in a foot of water about a foot away from land. "eh heh heh he..." She laughed at her own foolishness then shook her fist at the ship which was docked at the shore. "YOU THREW ME OVERBOARD WHEN YOU WERE RIGHT BY THE BEACH!?!" She yelled. But no one answered.

"Hmp... I'm coming back up there!! SO HAH!" She said starting to try and climb up the side of the ship. She stopped when a gun shot was heard. "Then again... maybe I'll stay down here..." She decided.

Two hours later.

"Heh heh... they'll never see me coming." She laughed once again sneaking aboard the docked ship. But no one was there.

"AHH!!!" She screamed when she realized what was happening. "A GHOST SHIP!!!" She jumped overboard and splashed around a lot.

"AHH!! THE WATER!!! THE WATER!!!" She gurgled sinking in a foot of water. "AHH!!! I'M SINKING!!!" She narrated.

Then a star fish stuck to her face.

"AHH!!! I CAN'T BREATH!!! ATTACK OF THE KILLER STAR FISH!! I'M DOOMED!!!"

The star fish fell off.

._.

Then she was lifted into the air. "AHH!!! THE GHOSTS ARE SOMEHOW LIFTING ME!!!" She concluded, but then saw that her clothes were somehow attached to the anchor which was being pulled up. "Oh... but who is pulling the anchor up? I thought it was an abandoned ship."

And then as RedLady was being lifted out of the water she called up J on a cell phone which just happened not to be damaged by the sea water. And J, meanwhile was just minding his own business when the telephone on his ship rang. He answered it in his usual greeting, "Snooch to the Nooch."

"J I'M BEING LIFTED BY AN ANCHOR ON A GHOST SHIP!!!" A voice on the other end said. "DO YOU COPY!?!!"

"Uh.... roger that...uh... G Dogg...." He stumbled not knowing what else to say.

"Do you have one of those margaritas with the little umbrellas in them?" RedLady asked.

"No, but I have a Pina Colada in a coconut with a little umbrella..."

"Ok, bring that." She decided. "Uh... I have to go now... I'm being taken prisoner by ghosts now." She explained.

"Ok." J answered not worried.

"...something about they need my body to take revenge upon the sea king. Bye now."

Meanwhile at a restaurant that just happened to be called the Sea King Restaurant, RedLady... or what looked like RedLady... burst through the door and yelled in a raspy harsh voice, "ALL RIGHT YEE MATEYS!!!" Then she took out a gun and randomly shot all over and the customers in the restaurant hit the floor for safety.

She stopped and yelled, "DON'T EAT THE FOOD!!! ITS POISONESS!! OUR WHOLE CREW DIED BECAUSE OF IT!!!"

"Then how come you're still alive?" A random person asked.

"I'm borrowing this body for now... but I really did die... honest... now you could die too if you don't back off." She who was really a he inside her body pointed the revolver at the random person who had previously spoken.

"EEE!!" The random person cried and backed off in fear.

Just then the cook came in. "What's the meaning of this? Why is there a hold up in my restaurant?" He demanded.

"YOU POISONED US!!!" The seemingly deranged woman with a gun yelled. The cook didn't know what she was talking about.

Meanwhile, Red or at least her spirit inhabited the body of a star fish since her own body was currently being used by a ghost who was out for revenge at those who poisoned him. She found her way to J's ship and attached to him through her tube feet. (Those little sucky disk things kind of like what octopuses and squid have...)

"ATTACK BY STAR FISH!!!" She yelled.

"Wha?" J said looking down at the sea creature.

"So did you bring the drink with the umbrella?" The star fish possessed by the spirit of RedLady asked. J pulled out an empty coconut with a small umbrella in it.

"Uh....oops."

The star fish grabbed the umbrella. "MINE!!!" She claimed and did a little star fish dance with the umbrella. "I only wanted the umbrella anyway." She explained. "This is a magical umbrella. It will give me my body back."

Back at the Sea King Restaurant

"You mean you didn't poison us?" RedLady's body which was possessed by a dead poisoned pirate asked.

"No, why would I do that?" The Cook asked. Then the cook's son stepped out from behind him.

"He didn't poison you... I did." The cooks son announced.

Then both the Cook and possessed RedLady yelled at the same time in a very Pedro like manner: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...."

And at that exact moment all their bodies got switched around as the RedLady star fish appeared in the restaurant somehow.

The cook's son goes into star fish body, pirate dude who died by poison goes into the cooks body, red goes into cook's son body and cook goes into Red's body.

"OOH!! I GOT A MAN'S BODY THIS TIME!!!" The cook yelled who was really now possessed by the poisoned pirate who had preciously possessed Red's body.

"I'M A GUY!?!?!" Red yelled looking down at her new body.

"Huh?" The cook in Red's body said. "What's happening?" The Cook's son who was in the star fish body didn't talk because we all know star fishes can't talk.

"J!!!" Red yelled from the Cook's son's body. "You must do the dance of body switching!" She continued even though J wasn't even the room but back at the ship. "It's the only way to save us!" She explained as the pirate who was in the Cook's body tried to kill the Cook's son.

Back at J's ship, J did the Hokey Pokey.

"STOP THAT!!" The Cook's Son who was really Red yelled at the Cook who was really the Pirate who died by poison.

"But he killed me..." The Pirate explained. And they all go back to their normal bodies.

"Hey, what do you know... it worked." RedLady realized as she was back in her own body. "So what if the hokey pokey is what its all about..."

"Everyone gazed at the stars in awe." The narrator read.

"BUT IT'S DAY!!!" RedLady yelled.

"uh hum..."

The Pirate dude who died by poison was now in the star fish body since he had no where else to go. Yet even with this disadvantage, he attacked the cook's son who killed him.

"AHH!!! GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFF!!!"

"I've never seen star fish act like this." The Cook said not helping his son.

"HAH HAH!! That's what I call attacked by star fish." RedLady laughed also not helping him.

The Star fish injected star fish poison into the cook's son. "My work here is done..." The pirate said and the star fish died.

"But Star fish aren't poisonous, are they?" RedLady asked.

"Nope." The cook's son said.

"So I guess you won't die." The Cook said to his son.

"Guess not."

"Why did you poison that guy, anyway?" The cook asked.

"I onno" He shrugged. RedLady's eyes bulged.

"MAKE HIM WALK THE PLANK!!!" She yelled.

"What plank?" The son asked.

"This plank!" She said bonking him on the head with a magical plank that came out of no where.

The End.

Moral lesson: Do not poison pirates or you shall be attacked by star fish, have your body switched up, and get hit by planks...