Fifth Moon, First Day, 200 AD

9:15 AM

Shit, this is going nowhere. The Royal Council of Arakh denied my 3rd request for a permit to build a fortress on the summit of the Ganghian mountain. I don’t even know why you need a permit. More specifically, I don’t even know why I need a permit. I’m a bloody archmage, people should be cowering in fear and throwing themselves at my feet. What kind of crap is this?

Nonetheless, for the time being, I’m still stuck in my crappy one-story cottage with the leaky roof, the nosy neighbors, and the unpleasant proximity to Market Square. You wouldn’t believe the smells I get when it’s high noon and the sun hits the slaughterhouse. Plus the secret-chamber capacity underneath my current dwelling is not what I had in mind when I was shopping for a lair to concoct my diabolical schemes. I blame the economy for this. Tax breaks my ass.

Fifth Moon, Second Day, 200 AD

10:45 AM

The council still won’t honor my appeal, even after I threatened them with eternal damnation. Geez. Things are really gonna change around here once I master that dragon-summoning spell.

Fifth Moon, Second Day, 200 AD

11:40 AM

Speaking of changing, I really should get myself a new wardrobe for the fall season. I mean, red’s a good color for protecting against fire spells, but it clashes horribly with my deathly pale skin and long skinny fingers.

Fifth Moon, Third Day, 200 AD

12:35 AM

I am so smart. The greatest idea just came to me as I was terrorizing a nearby village: kidnap the princess of Arakh. Then the city has to grant me the stupid permit. It’s perfect. I’m surprised no one else has thought of this before.

Fifth Moon, Fourth Day, 200 AD

1:30 PM

For a castle that looks enormous from the outside, it sure doesn’t have a lot of floors. Or guards for that matter. I counted only eight on my way in, and they were all walking back and forth like idiots in a seemingly predetermined manner. Which made it easier for me to sneak up and burn them alive. Not to mention that they’re not very smart either. I asked one of them where the princess was, and he kept on repeating “Being a guard sucks, but at least the pay’s good.” I said thanks anyway, then stabbed him. One good turn deserves another.

Fifth Moon, Fourth Day, 200 AD

6:30 PM

So I captured the princess, but not without some aggravation. I burst into her room with the usual flash and fireworks, lightning trailing behind me and blood drowning the ground upon which I walked. After a few moments, it occurred to me that the princess didn’t even let out a squeak. Totally caught me off guard. No fainting. No shrill scream. No hitching up of the skirts in a vain attempt to run daintily away. Hell, she didn’t even wear a skirt. She was decked out in some kind of leather armor looking all ready to go to war…and then she pulled a dagger on me! I laughed, highly amused, and made a few crude remarks about her femininity. Then screamed as she stuck that butter knife into my leg. Ow. Did I miss a memo or something? What happened to the damsel in distress? Kids these days…must be all that newfangled music they’re listening to.

Still, I am an evil sorcerer, so I subdued, hogtied her, and got the hell out of the castle. I’m still smarting from that knife though. This is bullshit. She doesn’t even have a license for a Class-2 Melee Weapon. It’s not like those things are hard to get.

I need aspirin.

Fifth Moon, Fourth Day, 200 AD

9:45 PM

Damn shrew woke me up with her incessant screaming. Didn’t they ever teach her the proper way to be a princess back in princess school or something? This calls for a stern yet polite letter to the Board of Education.

I’m not getting paid enough for this.

Fifth Moon, Fifth Day, 200 AD

10:30 AM

I sent the ransom note to the royal family, but frankly, I’d be willing to settle for a case of beer and an apology. She still hasn’t shut up. Something about women’s rights and don’t think you can push me around just because I’m a girl I won’t stand for this injustice let me go now now now now now.

I need more aspirin. Fifth trip to the drugstore today, must be a record.

Fifth Moon, Fifth Day, 200 AD

9:55 PM

She tried to stab me again…in my sleep. That just crosses the line. That’s what I do, damnit! How rude.

I remember the last girl I kidnapped. She didn’t give this kind of crap, oh no. She sat there quietly waiting for her fool-in-shining-armor to deliver her from this madman. He showed up an hour later. I released the hellhounds. Good times.

Speaking of fools, I did a background check on all the registered knights in the Arakhian area, and apparently, there isn’t a single A-Level White Knight among them. That kinda of unsettles me. On the one hand, it means it’ll be easier to keep my hostage from the hands of would-be heroes and extract that ransom. On the other hand, it means I’ll have to put up with that girl even longer.

Even evil has its ugly side.

Fifth Moon, Seventh Day, 200 AD

5:20 AM

Tried to slit my throat. I had to tie her up and throw her into the pantry, which serves as my stopgap dungeon at the moment, then hide the key in one of my treasure chests. I had to hide the treasure chest in my underwear drawer. If I had a real, honest-to-god castle I could’ve left the chest in a secret passageway behind a bookcase hidden in the Room of Mirrors and the key to that chest in the belly of a Dread Knightlord with a bazillion hit points and an instant kill attack. Unfortunately, this country and its stupid politicians won’t let me. It’s like they think I’m a threat to national security.