1Several things in this rant. First off, I hate having a conscience. It would be much easier to do the morally reprehensible things that I do if I didn’t have one. Second, I’m fully back in my romantic self. Third, I’m really bitchy right now.

night/this morning, I crossed a line I had no real desire to cross or even want to know where the hell it was. I’m still not sure why I’m keeping any record of it on my computer. I suppose it’s just to confirm the fact that a part of me really is a perverted psychopathic bastard. I really don’t know. Although I would do anything to suppress it, kill it off so thoroughly that even the memories would go away. sighs I really don’t know what the hell is wrong with me to even enjoy seeing that. 99 of me is horrified, and the 1 that I hate is going, “OMG hawt!!!”

“I’m just a victim of circumstance.”

“I thought you called it your pecker.” –Tremors

I don’t even understand it. Is it the cultural mores that I like to cross? Am I really attracted? Or is it something else, a survival instinct gone bad? Raging hormones? Reasserting my masculinity (however little of it I may have)? I really don’t get it at all.

Someday, I’ll be able to get over those dark little desires. Or at least I pray that it’s so.

2.

My life

meant nothing to me

then a guy like you came along

Everything

is moving so fast,

I gotta get my feet on the ground

Unhappy days are over 'cause I can

always be with you

Lying in your arms day by day,

makes me feel Ohh... so brand new

Can't stop fallin' in love

Tell me you will be true (forever baby)

I just can't stop dreaming of you

everyday (every way)

Say you love me baby

Say you will always be mind

You'll never break my heart

I just can't stop fallin' in love

Baby you became

Makin' love with you

is all I wanna do, (wanna do)

Can't stop fallin' in love

Give your heart and soul

Stay with me this time

and we'll make history, (you and me)

I actually sent this song to my girlfriend. We talk about marriage and all of those sappily romantic sweet things. Yes, I do actually want to do them all. But that 1 is once again bitching at me for being such a…I’m not saying the word, it’s too offensive.

I suppose that if you want to go all Freudian on me, you could call it gender confusion, but that’s too deep for my tastes.

And I swear that if one more person asks me if I’m gay, I’ll bitch-slap him.

In case you didn’t notice, I’m really in a bad mood. More later.