A/N: This is a tale aimed at children but we believe that everyone can enjoy this one…We also promise that this story in no way has a double meaning…

Humphrey the gay umbrella

By Isabel Fisher and funky*puppy

Humphrey had a thin handle with a curved tip made of very old wood, and when he was open, one could see beautiful ballerinas twirling across a green and blue canvas.

***

Humphrey was working part-time as an umbrella for a woman named Gertrude Townsend.  Gertrude was very nice, and always smiled at Humphrey when she saw him.  From speaking with the coats and the shoes, he knew that wherever she went, people were happy to see her.

***

Gertrude had two lovely daughters named Emily, nine years old, and Rose, seven years old.  They had blond hair like their mother and blue eyes like their father.  They were charming and polite and everyone in the neighbourhood loved them.

***

Mr. Townsend was a businessman who often had to travel to other countries. During each of his trips, he took special care to pick something out to bring home to his daughters.  He’d found a wooden giraffe in Africa, a porcelain doll in China and a sponge in Tunisia.

***

However, the last present he’d bought had broken during the trip but he didn’t want to disappoint his family.  He searched all over London for a store that would sell something interesting enough to replace his original gift.  He needed something unique, something special.  Suddenly, in an antique store in Lester Square, he found it. When he showed it to his daughters, they leapt for joy.

”Oh daddy,” they said, “it is so gay!”

“Emily,” said Rose “we should give it a name.”

“You’re right,” said Emily “how about Humphrey?”

“That’s a good name,” said Rose “now let’s go play with Humphrey.”

***

And Humphrey had been with the Townsends ever since.  He lived in a closet next to the front door with the coats, the shoes, the hats and the scarves.  His two best friends used to live there with him.  Goo and Chee were a pair of shoes that had belonged to Gertrude, but one day, they broke.  Humphrey knew that no shoemaker would be able to fix shoes as fine as Goo and Chee. So, he’d had to say goodbye to his dear friends and now, Humphrey was lonely.

***

From time to time, someone would open Humphrey’s closet, most often Mr. Townsend or Gertrude.  But what they needed was never Humphrey. Sometimes, they would take out a coat, sometimes a hat, but nobody ever needed an umbrella, though they always smiled at him.  One day, Mr. Townsend came into the closet and removed a large suitcase. “I’ll be seeing you later, Humphrey” he said “but now I’m off to France!”  Then he closed the door, and Humphrey was alone again.

***

Emily and Rose knew that Humphrey was unhappy, left to himself in that dark closet.  They begged their mother to let them take him out and play with him, but she refused. “It isn’t even raining”, she would explain. When Humphrey heard the girls’ pleas, his hopes would soar at the thought of finally being let out of the closet.  But when Gertrude said no, he would be crushed. And so he waited.  And waited.  And waited.

***

One night, when it seemed like Humphrey had been waiting forever, something happened.  Mr. Townsend came back from France.  Humphrey could hear the girls shouting excitedly and Gertrude laughing.  Finally, Mr. Townsend spoke the words everyone had been expecting. “I have a present for you!” he exclaimed “But first, go get Humphrey.”

***

Humphrey couldn’t believe it! He would finally get to leave the closet! The door swung open and Emily and Rose took his handle and carried him proudly back to the sitting room where their parents waited.  Mr. Townsend spoke. “I wanted Humphrey to be here because this present is as much for him as for all of you.”  With that, he reached behind their sofa and pulled out a brand-new wooden umbrella stand.  In his umbrella stand was a brand-new umbrella.

***

The new umbrella had a handle made of very dark and shiny wood and a black canvas, and was much taller than Humphrey.  Humphrey wondered what the umbrella’s name was. “I thought we could call this one Monsieur de Valois, because it’s from France,” explained Mr. Townsend.  “Oh daddy,” cried the girls, “he’s perfect! He can be Humphrey’s friend, and they can live together in the stand!” Humphrey felt gayer than ever at the thought of this new friend, Monsieur de Valois, and couldn’t wait to get to know him.

***

And so it was that Humphrey moved out of the closet and into the umbrella stand with Monsieur de Valois.  Soon, it started raining again and the two of them would go for strolls together as often as possible, Humphrey held by Gertrude and Monsieur de Valois held by Mr. Townsend.  Sometimes, if they were very lucky, the sun would peek through the clouds just right and beautiful rainbows would appear in the sky.  That was when Humphrey understood what it meant to be truly gay.

The end.