It was Saturday morning. The sky was clear, the sun was shining, and it wasn't too hot. Unfortunately we were stuck inside watching Daniel's independent film that he'd finally completely after working on it for nearly 6 months. We'd been watching it for 20 minutes now and still had no idea what was even going on much less had any startling revelations about "what it REALLY meant". It was boring, pretentious, and it had clowns everywhere. That's right, clowns. I had no idea why, but nearly every shot had a clown in it. They never actually did anything, just stood there. I'd ask Daniel about that later.

Another thing about it was that it was in French. There's nothing wrong with French movies, but the French in this particular one sounded like it was done by people who weren't French, who don't speak French, and probably didn't even know where France was on a map. Daniel made a big show about how it was an exotic film because it was in French with English subtitles, but all it really did was make the whole thing even worse.

After another 10 minutes we were treated to a screen which read "Le Fin", it made more sense than any of the other French in the movie. "Well" Daniel said after the movie was over "What did you guys think about my movie?"

There was an awkward silence interspersed with some giggling that I believe was coming out of my mouth. Brian finally spoke up. "Daniel, look buddy we've been friends for a long time, right? I don't want to hurt your feeling was possibly the worse film I've ever seen and I've seen lots of bad movie."

Daniel's face began to turn red, I couldn't tell whether he was embarrassed or angry, but it was probably anger. "How can you not like a movie of this depth and emotion?!" He yelled. "It's got everything that makes a great movie and more! This is Cannes Film Festival material right here!" He growled as he smacked the front of the TV. Karen, who had been silent the whole time, lifted up her head. "I totally get where you coming from with all those clowns. At first I didn't really understand it, but I remembered my time back at Clown College and it all starts to make sense".

Daniel applauded her for her epiphany, but something about her statement didn't quite make sense. "What a minute." I said, "Clown College? You're not even out of high school yet, Karen." Another awkward silence. Karen stared blankly at me for a moment and then a look a horror appeared on her face. "My whole life is a lie!!" She yelled and ran out of the room crying. Lots of awkward silences for some reason today.

"I must say, Daniel, that you're use of clowns in every scene doesn't really make a lot of sense to me" Brian said trying to get the conversation going again. "You see, Brian, the clowns, the clowns now, they symbolize, and this is important, the absurdity of life." The absurdity of life? Maybe it did to him, but to me it symbolized a horrible movie element that was completely out of control and would probably loiter outside your apartment for a few days until you finally threatened to call the cops on it. "What about everything being in French? Why couldn't you have just done it in English like a normal person?" I asked.

Daniel drew himself up to full height preparing to drop the bombshell that would open my eyes to the truth about his awe-inspiring masterpiece. "The French represents the foreign and sometimes distant nature of others. Without it the film would never work." I ignored the obvious retort to that. I wasn't done critiquing his movie just yet, though. "And what's with all the people just sitting around and not doing anything? I'm sure you've got a good explanation for that". Daniel was caught a bit off guard with that question. Maybe he thought we wouldn't notice something like that or at least not say anything about it. "Well" He started "Look, Johnny, some just aren't meant to understand art."

I should have expected something like that. The fact was though that I didn't understand art. It wasn't that I couldn't if I tried, but art is not something I want to understand or make. Karen finally came back into the room and, unlike how she'd looked when she left she was smiling now. "Hey, guys, I've got a great idea. Let's all got out and get some calamari!" She said. Brian and Daniel glanced at one another, neither sure of just what to say.

"Why the sudden urge to eat calamari?" I asked. "After watching that movie, I suddenly had the urge to eat some. I think that's what Daniel's message in the movie was. Right, Daniel?" It doubted that it was, but since that was likely the best he would get from any of he finally agreed that "Yes" that was what he intended all along. With that we all went out to eat calamari, unfortunately it tasted terrible. Even Karen didn't like it. She blamed Daniel for hypnotizing her with his independent movie and then she went into a huge rant about how subliminal messages on TV and in movies don't really work and people that think they do are just conspiracy theorists.

I just hope Daniel never makes another movie.