Descent

How hard is it to be a cutter?

Press the blade into your skin

Who becomes anorexic?

Starve yourself to death

Who binges down pills?

Then throws up?

Blood dripping onto the floor

You decided not to eat anymore

Pills…just one more

Then fall into a hopeless dream…

            Descent into pain

"It's because of depression."

If you were sad, you'd cry

But no tears come to your eyes

And you'd still be hungry

Enough to eat another bite

And you wouldn't binge pills

Necessarily

No tears spring from your eyes

Another hope crumbles and dies

You continue telling lies

Then become nothing…

            Descent into submission

"I'll tell you why they do it."

Cut, scratch, tear, and heave

They feel like they deserve it

If you hurt externally

They you won't hurt inside

If you can control your pain

It will make up for incompetence

But it won't

And I want you to believe it

She doesn't do these things…

            Descent into confusion

"Why does she understand?"

She used to send herself to my room

She feels guilty to feel better

Someone told her she was "bad"

And that's what she became

Because she believed it

And thought she had to suffer

Every time she stepped out of line

Because of one person

She hates herself now…

            Descent into madness

"It's no different than cutting."

Now she has to cope

She has to stop being what she is

She has to understand herself

Even when she doesn't want to

She has to come to terms with it

While others destroy themselves

Before her eyes

She can only make herself get better

Is that enough control…

            Descent into agony

"She can't change the world."

She can't tear the blade away

She can't make you eat

Or hide the pills from you

She can't tell you to stop this

Or to be a better person

No one can do that

Your recovery is your control

Not your blade