Water Lily, a Romance fanfic - FictionPress.com

How do I know if this feeling is love? How do I know if there is some secret hidden meaning to these feelings that nestle deep within me? How am I meant to know if this is just me? Do you feel this way too? I don’t like questions… I want answers… Why aren’t there any?

Lillian, always referred to as Lily, placed her pen down, less than gently, beside the small hard backed book that served as her journal. She regarded the writing with distain, hating the uncertainly the pervaded all thoughts regarding her closest friend.

She laughed slightly. How many movies were out there where the protagonist fell in love with their best friend. Comedic hi-jinks would ensure and in the end the two friends would end up together, they’d have their happily ever after.

But life was hardly some ‘chick flick’ was it? There were no happily ever afters. At least she didn’t think that there were any in her story. Only the damn questions! An assault of them, never ending.

She felt her body shake, and the tears force themselves out and made there salty path down her cheeks. Her tongue flicked out to the side to taste the liquid as more made tracks down her cheeks, the taste reminding her of all the times past that she’d cried. That and a little of the sea.

She felt like she was back in the sea right then. Instead of monstrous waves overcoming her slim form, threatening to drag her below the murky depths, it was her emotions swarming her, suffocating her, never going to let her go. She screamed, felt better for that small action of release, then fell asleep.

Lily was stood in a field, the grass had been left to grow and so it went halfway up her calf. She allowed herself just to stand there, head tilted upwards, and let the sun warm her face. For that moment she had no troubles, and she was free of her past. Perhaps it could have lasted were it not for the grey clouds that begun to gather, casting their dark shadow over the happy moment.
The heavens opened and it began to rain, a fierce rain that pounded mercilessly, soaking everything in a matter of moments. Lily shivered, the cold seeping through to her bones, and she knew that there was nowhere for her to go. Slowly she sunk to her knees, which became coated in mud and dirtied her knee length white socks, making them brown contrasting with the white skirt that she’d been wearing.
White. Pure. Now stained.
Then, out of nowhere, a figure approached the crouched girl. Long, confident strides that quickly covered the distance, unconscious of the rain that sluiced down her form, making her lavender shirt cling to her body, showing off the curve of her breasts, her narrow hips.
Warm arms encircled Lily, promising warmth and salvation, and she leaned into the embrace, pressed up slightly against the others breasts. She turned to see who was there when the comforting presence left her, to be replaced by the cold harshness of the rain.

Lily immediately awoke, and she could feel a longing in her heart for the lost warmth and comfort. She hadn’t felt that in reality for a long time. Not since they went to the sea. It’s true, one day can truly change your whole life. She felt herself become solemn, and knew that sleep would now elude her for the remainder of… checking the time she noted it was only an hour before she normally got up.

Today, she decided, she would be able to get a shower before going to school and have time to just slowly go about her daily routine. Maybe she’d be able to leave before her mother had gotten up. Then she wouldn’t have to endure the steely silence, and the hate filled look that accompanied it.

The water was turned up so that it was nearly intolerably hot, and she let it simply wash over her body, making it slick with moisture, as her thoughts wandered despite her wishes.

They wandered without regard for there vessel. The past, the present, the future.

The past, waves lapping gently one moment, surging the next, engulfing without regard for the fragile children that were in the midst of the never-ending body of water.

The past, death and betrayal. An older brother, leaving, disappearing into the dark depths of the sea, a mother, blaming, not happy with what she had left. And questions, always questions. Why are you still here? You drove your father away, your brother, why? Why? WHY?

The present, dreams that told her one thing, her body that collaborated the story, ultimately ganging up on her to destroy her, to tempt her, to lead her astray. A beckoning light, a girl, a friend, but where will it lead her? Salvation or damnation?

The present, questions, more and more, no end in sight. Battering at her defences, soon they’ll overcome the slim form, then what?

The future, no vague promises of better things to come, everything may remain the same. Standing, hurting, longing. Everything may come crashing down, nothing the same and everything to live for.

Today began like any other. I was early for school, I had to avoid -her- at home. Look, I can’t even refer to her as my mother, although it’s hardly surprising as seen as she does nothing that even vaguely relates to an expression of love and tenderness. I wonder if the other would. Why can’t I write her name? No doubt I don’t deserve to but I should…
Rose.
Such a beautiful and gentle name, like it’s owner. Long black hair that flows like a silken waterfall to her slender waist, soft brown eyes that show a peaceful, tender nature and rosebud lips that beckon to be kissed, gently, passionately, every motion one brimming with love.

Lily realised how much she tendered to prattle on in her journal, but she knew that this was the only place that she could write what she was truly feeling, because it was a surety that her mother didn’t care one whit for her only surviving child’s inner turmoil. And her mother was the only family she had.

If it was anything else she might think to talk to her best friend about it, but given the object of her desires, her lust, her love, was in fact her, it became somewhat problematic to confess what was really eating her up inside. And so she was left to struggle on by herself.

It happened at lunch time. We were sat under an oak tree, it was where we always ate our lunch when it was warm. Together. Alone. Apparently I wasn’t hiding my troubles all too well because Rose was on to me, she could tell that something was wrong. I guess it was bound to happen, I suppose it’s the kind of thing you notice when your closest friend is acting off with you. But I wasn’t expecting it to happen so I was, obviously, surprised.

Lily brought the cheap biro up to her mouth, the tip resting on her bottom lip as she sucked the end, lost in her remembrance of earlier that day.

“Lily?” A slightly accented voice broke the silence that had descended over the two friends, who were eating their packed lunches consisting of sandwiches and fruit. Rose always brought two, one for herself and one for her best friend.

Blinking Lily looked up, her sapphire eyes looking slightly glazed. “Hmm?” she murmured, slightly disorientated. She had been too busy lost in her thoughts and worries to pay any heed to the world around her, even her doe eyed companion sat next to her. Temptingly close.

“Are you okay? You seem out of it.” Concern coated every syllable, letting Lily know that her friend was there for her, that she cared. She needed to trust it, and she would entrust her life to Rose’s hands so why not this?

“Well, it’s just…” she had begun, there was no turning back now, she knew that her friend would want every detail, she couldn’t help her cat like inquisitiveness. It was adorable. “Do you ever think you know the truth whilst it’s there in front of you? Or does it have to be long gone before you realise what was the reality and what was the fantasy?” She couldn’t just come out with it, no matter how much she longed to, how much easier it would make everything.

Rose placed a slender finger, her right index, onto her bottom lip and her brown eyes gained a faraway look to them. After what seemed like a long while but which was probably only a short moment she blinked, her eyes refocusing, and she smiled. “I think that you have to be bitter and cynical to believe that you can’t find a truth whilst you can still appreciate it. Look at me, I know that you’re the most important person to me, it’s a truth, and you’re still here and so I must be able to have my cake and eat it.” She grinned at her, eyes sparkling.

Lily’s heart beat faster, it was going to break out of the confines of her body! Rose had called her the most important person. She smiled, a sweet ray of sunshine. “You know,” she whispered, and her companion scooted closer to hear better, “You’re the most important to me.”

“Oh Lily,” she said pulling her close for an embrace, her fingers lightly brushing against the other’s chestnut waves, revelling in the silky softness. Lily was returning the embrace, holding on tightly, as if her life depended on it. And maybe it did. She was certainly hard pressed to find anything else that made her feel like she belonged, was loved, was needed.

I have to admit that I’m quite embarrassed that it took me so long to realise, and even then I had to be told, that I held such a place in Rose’s heart. I think that that gave me the confidence I needed because…

“Can I…?” Lily’s voice was a soft whispering of the wind but Rose knew what was meant, and she knew how she wanted to reply. She nodded, replied with her own breeze like whisper, “Anytime.”

Lily leaned upwards, not really sure of what she was meant to do. She placed her lips gently against the other’s rosebud lips, then she felt a tongue running along her lower lip and she gasped, giving entrance to the probing. She felt it run along her own tongue and experimentally applied pressure to the invader. Then it was gone.

Looking to Rose she had a cute confused look about her, prompting fingers to be ran through her hair, and a thumb running lightly along her cheek, leaving a tingling sensation. She smiled, looked happier, more relaxed.

Then it seemed that life went on, which is odd because so much had changed, at least in my eyes. Now I had somebody who loved me, then again she had probably loved me before, those feelings just don’t come out of nowhere do they? I harboured mine secretly for a long time.
The future doesn’t seem so scary anymore, I think that I might be able to deal with it, so long as Rose is there. My beautiful flower. She calls me her cake, her sweet delight, and it makes me blush but fills my being with life. I find it amazing that a pet name can do that. Do words really hold so much power? They must do, although I’m sure that a part of it is how they words are said. Well these ones are said with love and I feel as if I’m melting when I hear them.

The past, unchangeable, something to avoid, keeping above the waves.

The present, full of love, new experience. Happiness.

The future, uncertainty, an adventure, a mystery.