Conversations with myself

If I laugh and smile
It doesn't mean I'm happy
Seems like something's always boring at me
I can't wake up from this shell
I've built this wall around me
How long will it take to break it down
Sometimes the only one I have to talk to is myself
I'm the worst conversationalist
I always bring myself down
How come it feels like I'm dying
And I'm still alive
How can I not help this pain
I used to be able to express myself fluently
All the problems I'm used to having
Now it seems like I'm stuck on this topic
The cutting, depression, and pain
I want it all to end
Can you make it end?