Title: No Heaven

Author: Sparkle Itamashii

No Heaven

My eyes had not even finished opening before I knew that there had been a mistake.

This was wrong, my soul screamed.

We hadn’t made it.

Heaven... this glittering world all around me belonged to that word.

But it wasn’t right.

Everyone was content here- they smiled and feasted, gallivanting around… while the memory of their lives, loves- their very past- faded from their grasp, slipping through their fingers like so much glistening water. It was bliss… if you could forget. So long as no one could remember ‘before’ they could release the images of friends and family who had not made it to Heaven with them.

But I could never let go, I would never willingly surrender my heart to the puppet show of happiness that lured the others.

The wraiths of my past haunted every waking moment and twined themselves into my dreams- and when I woke, screaming their names, I looked to my hands and saw red. My fingernails, dug so deeply into my palms so as to draw blood.

Heaven… was no place to bleed.

Eons passed, or maybe mere seconds, for time no longer holds meaning.

Crystal sharp do my memories remain.

Everyone is hollow here, their eyes glassy with tears even as they smile. A part of them remembers what they have lost, but it cannot touch the part of them that is aware. They are happy, with their faulty smiles and pretense of eternal bliss.

What right have I, then, to take that from them?

I have learned much, existing as I do. Heaven is a cold place, despite its unending beauty, with breathtaking towers of ice and crystalline gems. It is no place for someone like me, and I have no recollection of how I came to be here any more. My soul fights tooth and claw to keep true and whole, to retain my former life’s history.  Desperation catches on my every breath and I know I must escape before I lose myself entirely.

So it is here I stand, on the edge of all, staring into the nothing beyond.

My friends await me on the other side of this foggy veil.

Without them, this is no Heaven- it is merely another lonely place. Without their love and my love for them, I could never be happy.

I spread my wings, closing my eyes against the butterflies that whirl madly in my gut, the tears in my eyes, and the fear that threatens to overtake me entirely… and I leap- it is a leap of faith in the most literal sense.

My beautiful, shimmering wings are torn apart, pure white feathers stained red with my blood as I am left with bones alone for flying. Pain permeates my body as I soar downward on flightless wings, and in my heart I know I am heading home at long last. After all…

No Heaven, will ever Heaven be…

Without my friends to welcome me.