I've screamed

all night long

believing

that the world was listening and crying out with me.

I believed

for so long

that the door

breaking

and

barring me

into these circumstances

would open and I would find you

and the way that we used to be

on the other end.

I don't know what I want

but this loneliness

this loss

is killing me.

I want

to be taken out of this never ending sentence

this verse

kissing me

like a dead man

cold lips to chill me

freeze me

keep me empty here.

I'm to young to be a victim

to young to have to cry out in order to heal myself

to young to find my hands unfilled

and my mind hazy.

I want to be in control

to be silenced

to be prohibited.

I want a country not at war.

I want a childhood

missing what I lacked

and accentuating what I wanted more of.

I need something

that I haven't found yet

but will never stop looking for.

My body has searched

trudged through

these pages

and these days

of me

alone

contemplating myself.

With the future hanging over me like a desert sun

burning my shoulders and forehead

enough to make me bleed

and shed another skin

relieving myself of the mask

that separates me

from this,

what I really want deep inside.

It scares me

that I would give up everything

my writing

everything that I love

just to gain one moment of peace from all of this

drama

and

chaos

that springs ever eternal

like a river overflowing from its banks.

I've screamed

all night long

believing

that the world could fix me alone.

But I am the only one who can do that.