Auther's note: This is a side story of The Legend of Demons and Elves and My Barbaric Girlfriend. All characters are from the two stories aforementioned.

Summary: What happens when Shendou, Aki, and their elf friends decided to keep in contact with each other by phone? The result is crazy personal phone messages and recordings... A certain blond boy likes his recording, and to see Eric suffer...

Genre: Fantasy/Humor

Rating: T for language and implied mature content

Recording One: Beitiouwuen Shendou, the talented yoyo practitioner, who is in a bad mood today

"Moshi moshi, you've reached Beitiouwuen Shendou's phone. I'm not here right now because I'm busy beating some loser at yoyo. Please leave a message at the tone. Oh, if it's telemarketer, it's no to whatever you ask."

Messages:

[Message From: Telemarketer]

"...huh? Wh--? Oh, the message machine is finished! Thank heavens! Forget telemarketing! I'm never putting up with that again! I hate my job! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I HATE MY JOB! I QUIIIIT!!"

[Message from: Aki]

"Oi, Beitiouwuen! That's pretty cruel to the telemarketers! But I understand, sometimes they can be REALLY annoying. Anyway, do your best friend a favor. We're supposed to meet the Julia's folks today, but Chris doesn't know yet. Eh... I've already tried calling him, but uh... Could you just call for me? Thanks. Oh, and--"
--Your message is too long and has been cut off--

[Message From: Taneku (Shendou's lastest yoyo competitor)]

"Beitiouwuen! You're so lucky to be a champion and have those cool phone messages! But soon I, Taneku-sama, with my two years extraordinary yoyo-ing experi--"
--Your message is too long and has been cut off--

[Message From: Taneku (Shendou's lastest yoyo competitor)]

"...huh. That's strange. I was cut off. Anyway, Beitiouwuen! You--"
--Your message is too long and has been cut off--

[Message From: Taneku (Shendou's lastest yoyo competitor)]

"...I'm starting to doubt your choice in services, Beitio--"
--Your message is too long and has been cut off--

[Message From: an unknown person]

"H-hi...Beitiouwuen-kun. Eh...you probably don't know me, but um...I liked you since six grade. Will you go out wi--"
--Your message is too long and has been cut off--

[Message From: Julia and Aya]

"YAAAAAAAAY!? SHENDOU! You're so cool to have a phone message! Quick, quick! Say something, Aya!"
"A-ah...hai.? Beitiouwuen-kun..."
"Shendou you're the best!! Yayyyyy--"
--Your message is too long and has been cut off--

SPECIAL FEATURE: SPECIALLY SIGNALED CUT OFF

(Shendou is suddenly grateful he paid extra money for the special feature)

* * * * * * *

Recording Two: Aki, Shendou's best friend

"Konnichi wa, you've reached Aki¡¦s phone! Just calling me Aki-chan is fine! Anyway, I'm not here right now. If you are a cute girl (like Julia) or Anna or even Shendou, then leave a message and your number and I'll call back right away! Oh yeah, the rest of you feel free to do so too. Ja!"

Messages:

[Message From: Telemarketer]

"HAHA! I SPENT HOURS TRYING TO GET THIS NUMBER, AND NOW I HAVE FINALLY TRIUMPHED! WHAT'S WITH YOUR RECORDING? IF YOUR LIST OF CUTE GIRLS INCLUDE THE FAMOUS BEITIOUWUEN SHENDOU, THEN THAT INCLUDES ME TOO! ANYWAY, OUR COMPANY HAS A NEW PRODUCT HERE AND WE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE IT, LET'S START WITH...

(3 minutes later)

...BUT! THAT¡'S JUST THE BEGINNING! LISTEN CLOSELY TO THE MORE INTERESTING PART...

(3 minutes later)

...OUR PHONE NUMBER IS 01-524-7709, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL US! AND NOW, THE FUN PART! LET'S REVIEW!!!!!"

(Aki picks up the phone)

"Excuse me, Mr. Telemarketer, when you call people, YOU DON'T SCREAM INTO THE PHONE LIKE THIS! SEE?! I KNOW COMMON CURTSEY AND DON'T SCREAM INTO THE PHONE LIKE THIS AND RECORD FOR OVER SIX MINUTES YOU KNOW!!! And it's not my fault that I like cute girls and my best friend more than you. Ha! Nah nah!"

[Message From: Shendou]

"Whoa Aki! Why am I listed under the cute girls and Julia and Anna list?! You're trying to freeload off your best friend again aren't you?! Ha ha. I see how it is now. Aki-chan is a pervert! Ahaha. Don't worry, I won't let you do anything inappropriate to me or Julia. Ahaha. Oh yeah, did you call Chris yet? DON'T call him if you haven't. There is a 97% chance you will not be wanting to call again. Ja ne!"

(Aki has the sudden urge to change his recording and wishes that he had paid for the same feature Shendou has.)

* * * * * * *

Recording Three: Taneku, Shendou's lastest yoyo competitor

"Ohayo! This is Taneku-sama's phone, and I am currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone so I can use my phone to find where you are, whom you are with, and what you are doing. Oh. I wasn't supposed to let you know. Ahem, anyhow, I'll call you back. Unless you're that baka Aki, then I'll have to consider calling you back."

Messages:

[Message From: Chris Elkwoods]

Message Time: 07:36:01
Location: Eric¡'s House
Status: Alone

"Ha, Taneku. I see you've gotten the stalking feature. So that means you know where I am right now. Would you like to find out what I'm doing right now? Haha, only joking. Eric would get mad at me if I told this to others. Hmm... You know, everyone's been calling me but they never leave a message. I wonder why? Call me back if you can tell me what's going on. See ya."

[Message From: Aki]

Message Time: 11:24:50
Location: Kimora Street
Status: In a Crowd

"Taneku! What's the meaning of your recording?! Don't you consider calling me! You're asking for a fight! I didn't even mention you in my recording! Maybe I should change mine so it says not for you to leave a message at all! Baka Taneku!"

[Message From: Beitiouwuen Shendou]

Message Time: Blocked
Location: Blocked
Status: Blocked

"Ah, Taneku. I see your yoyo team has partaken on the cell phone idea as well. Well, you must have noticed already that I have the blocking system to yours. I'd gladly tell you my whereabouts freely though, only if you put it to good use. Let's engage in another match soon. Sayonara."

SPECIAL FEATURE: STALKING DATA FINDER

(In Chris's case, Taneku wishes that he hadn't found out his whereabouts. He would much rather use this tracking system on Aki or Shendou.)

* * * * * * *

Recording Four: Anna

"H-hello, you've reached Anna's phone. Sorry I'm not here to answer your call at the moment. Huh? Julia what do you want now? Eh? Ahhh!! Hey give it back!!"

"Hello!! This is Julia!! Leave a message after the tone and Anna will call you back! Oh hohohohohohoho~!!"

Messages:

[Message From: Roger]

"Hi Anna, I seemed to have misplaced Chris's new phone number and I was wondering if you could give it to me. Sorry for bothering you, but for some odd reason everyone else seem very reluctant to call Chris. I'm a little concerned about this, that's why I wanted to call Chris myself. Please call me back when you have time, thanks!"

[Message From: Tiffany]

"Hullo Anna, you've got a phone now? Excellent. Let me use it next time. I've been needing to make a few cross-kingdom calls to Eric."

(Anna wonders if having a phone is really a good idea)

* * * * * * *

Recording Five: Julia

"Hello!! You've reached Julia Burningbush's phone! Sorry I'm not here to take your call, so leave a message! I'll call you back if you're a nice person like Aki or a super good looking guy like Shendou! Well, maybe I'll call you back too if you're a good friend like Uncle Chris, but he's kind of scary right now... A-anyway, just leave a message! Bye!"

Messages:

[Message From: Roger]

"Julia, I don't think you should express such favoritism on your recording, but I guess it's your choice. Eh, I just called Chris. I think he's a little busy right now. Sorry I wasn't able to properly leave a message for you. Maybe we should ask Eric to call him? Anyhow, I'll see you at the meeting today."

[Message From: Beitiouwuen Shendou]

"Hey Julia! Regarding Chris...I believe it would be most reasonable for you to be the one to call him. Although I'm willing to assume you've already heaped this responsibility onto your dad. Ai yai yai. You ARE Chris's niece, remember? Well, since you're not there, I guess there's no point in lecturing you over a phone message. Ja ne!"

[Message From: ???]

Caller ID: Mia

"Heeeey! Look at meeeee! I'm the stinking new student Julia Burningbush! Well, I'll have you know that your tactics of hooking up with Beitiouwuen-kun are weak! And for your information, Beitiouwuen-kun agreed to go out with me! Let's see what you're going do about that!! Oh, you can't, because you'll never find out who this is! Muahahahaha!"

SPECIAL FEATURE: CALLER ID EVEN FOR BLOCKED NUMBERS

(Julia likes her Caller ID and will use it for revenge. Muahahahaha...)

* * * * * * *

Recording Seven: Roger

"Hello! You've reached Roger Burningbush¡'s phone. I am unable to answer your call right now. Since you must be very busy, after the tone, please leave your name and number, as well as any kind of troubles you're having. I'll be sure to call you back immediately. Take care."

Messages:

[Message From: Eric]

"Roger, this is Eric. I'm calling to remind you that we have a meeting with Julia's human friends today, be sure to inform everyone about the meeting. Hn. I've talked too much. Bye."

[Message From: Julia]

"Yo, daddy! Thanks for trying to call Uncle Chris. Every time I finally think I've worked up the nerve, I just started twitching through his recording and hang up! Hmmm...do you think there's anyone else who will call? I've already asked Anna because she is Chris's girlfriend after all. But she freaked out during the recording and hang up too, so I asked Shendou to do it. Anyway, you're the best, daddy! Mua! See you later!"

[Message From: Beitiouwuen Shendou]

"Hi Roger. Did you manage to leave a message with Chris? I don't think anyone else has been able to. If you haven't called yet, good luck and be prepared. His recording is...erm...should I say, very interesting?"

(Roger wishes everyone could have normal recordings like his. Sigh. What is wrong with everyone? Why can't they all tell him their problems? Except maybe Chris's problems. Those were rather disturbing.)

* * * * * * *

Recording Eight: Chris Elkwoods

"OH YESSS! Oooh this is so good! Wait Eric! Let's do it again!"

"Your phone is beeping?"

"What? Ah, you must have smashed it and turned it on by accident when you turned over. Hey wait a minute. It's recording! Eh--Hello? You've reached Chris Elkwoods's phone. I'm busy at the moment, leave a message for me and I'll call you back! There. So where were we Eric?"

"It's still on."

"No it's not. I pushed the button. Anyway, last time I beat you, now it's your turn."

"Then stop putting more force on my arm!"

"Whoops sorry, my mistake. All right. There you go. Now show me what you've got, pretty boy!"

"You've been talking on and on for the last thirty minutes. Is it going to kill you if you shut up for three seconds? And what the heck is that beeping voice?!"

"Ah, I guess my phone's still on! Okay now where's that button? Oh, here it is--"

Messages:

[Message From: Anna]

"WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! CHRIS IS A PERVERT!"

[Message From: Aki]

"Uh...Chris? You shouldn't do such things in the daytime. People can see you, you know?"

[Message From: Julia]

"U-un-c-cle C-chr-is...? Um...n-never mind."

[Message From: Tiffany]

SLAM!

[Message From: Telemarketer]

"W-why did I call again??" (Big sweat drop.)

[Message From: Elizabeth Elkwoods, Chris's mom]

"Son, I knew it was a bad idea to call you. Ugh! Change your recording PLEASE! Frank, your nose is bleeding. I'll never call again!"

[Message From: Roger]

"NO, Chris! You're both too young to do those kind of things! Think of your future! At least tell me you've made precautions! No, wait--actually don't tell me, just do it. I mean, don't do it! AGH!"

[Message From: Beitiouwuen Shendou]

"Chris, we have a meeting today with you and your folks. Everyone's been trying to call you, but they all ran away. (Rolls eyes) Pathetic. Anyway, don't hurt Eric too much because we'll need him during our meeting today."

[Message From: Eric]

"DELETE THAT RECORDING NOW, MORON! AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE, RUN FOUR HUNDRED LAPS!"

(Chris likes his recording. He's glad that Eric was having arm wrestling matches with him when it was recorded. Heh...heh...)

* * * * * * *

Recording Nine: Eric

"So you've called my cell phone, for some stupid reason that the humans had to get for better connection purposes with us elves. I don't know why we need cell phones since we always run into each other anyways, so we don't really need to call each other. Tiffany thinks it's a good idea, so I won't say anything against it. Is this phone thing still recording? Well, I'm running out of things to say. This is so strange, I don't see the benefit for having useless things like cell phones at all."

"ERIC! Just fucking tell them to leave a message already!"

"Tiffany's so impatient. I'm getting to the message part already. Right, so, this is Eric Fallenstream's phone that I will not be using since really there's no use for it, and--"

"ERIC!"

"Fine. Leave a message after that annoying little beep then, since Tiffany's getting frustrated now and she'll get wrinkles on her face and it'll make her look ugly. Now what do I do? Am I supposed to push that little button that stops the recording thing? Where is it? Okay, I think I found it. See, it's right here--"

Messages:

[Message From: Julia]

"Hey Eric! Er, have you called Chris yet? Eh...heh...right...um...you should call him?"

[Message From: Aki]

"Sorry for bothering you, Eric! I was just asked to call you and ask you to call Chris. We've been having some trouble leaving messages on his phone. Arigatou, you're the man!"

[Message From: Anna]

"H-hi, Eric. I was going to ask if you could call Chris for us. Because...eh...none of us have been able to get a hold of him. T-Thanks."

[Message From: Tiffany]

"Eric, will you PLEASE save your urges after today's meeting?! GOD, I still can't believe I caught you cheating on me through Chris's phone recording! Did you take the wrong medicine this morning??? Alright, I've had enough. I'm breaking up with you! And don't bother calling me back! I never want to see your face again!"

[Message From: Roger]

"Eric, you're much too young for such activity with Chris! Please reconsider your choices! You've got a future ahead of you! You can't risk getting Chris pregnant! ...wait, he can't... Never mind! Ack! USE PROTECTION! Oh by the way, could you call Chris for everyone? Thanks. And don't forget--your future!"

[Message From: Beitiouwuen Shenodu]

"Hi, Eric. I'm not sure if you already know about this, but everyone's been bugging each other over who should call Chris, so I called him. Can we go to our meeting now?"

[Message From: Taneku]

"Well, well, well. I've just heard Chris Elkwoods's recording. Isn't that interesting? You had better save your strength if you don't want to lose your job. No sleeping with your boyfriend before going to work tomorrow. Well, I'll see you then."

[Message From: Chris Elkwoods]

"Shendou just told me about the meeting. I was wondering why none of the others told me properly. All the messages I kept getting were very strange. Anyhow, thanks for coming over to my house the other day. We should compete arm strength again some time, except I'm sure I won't be able to beat you next time. I'll see you at the meeting then. Oh, and we should really do more arm wrestling matches in the future. Recording it was fun. Don't be bored to death while I'm not around! See ya!"

(Eric wishes he had gotten the same service as Shendou as well. *Twitch twitch*)

--THE END--