AUTHOR: Okay, I couldn’t help myself from doing this. There are a lot more, but I decided to just put only these. I hope it makes you laugh. Most of them are for your sense of humor to be tickled, not to serve as an offense. I was inspired to do this by Murphdawg20’s Random Quotes. Anyways, Please r & r.

Dedicated to all. Smile! Chuckle! Laugh! Die! I mean, no…not that…

QUOTES OF THE WICKED TONGUE

This is not good.

No, it's not.

Really, not good.

Nope, not at all.

I'm talking to myself again aren't I?

Yes, you are.

There are no words that can be found in any language that can describe the things I'll personally do to you with just my tongue.

I promise I won't bite. But I can't promise I won't do unspeakable things to you.

Have you ever felt your tummy flip and flop? Or the feeling as if there's something tightening your intestines. Or the one where something just dropped from your stomach and it hurts? Yeah, that's what happened to me when I got constipated...or was it diarrhea?

You know, girls don't slap guys because they stole or tried to steal a kiss from them. As far as I think, girls slap guys because they’d stop kissing them. Hell, that's what I'd do if ever someone tries/will steal a kiss from me then stops!

Everybody knows small, shapely breasts are a lot better than big, floppy, saggy ones!

If it stinks, it must be the breath that comes out of your mouth since it's the nearest thing that goes in your nose.

Full nakedness! All my joys are due to thee! With souls unbodied, bodies unclothed must be. To taste whole joys! - (This is not mine...I just like it a lot so put it in here )

If I had sex, I wouldn't be here telling you about it. I'd still be doing it.

I'm ugly. I'm so ugly that the roaches are so jealous of my ugliness!

Give me a picture of you and I’ll put it on every corner of my place. That'll scare them shitless. It’ll serve as roach, ant, mosquito, insect and mice repeller. It could be a person repeller too.

I'm a virgin, innocent and untouched. Pure in deed...but never in thought.

Don't call me an angel. I'm not. I don't want to be an angel, for angels die too hard, too painfully and too quickly. I prefer to be a wicked seductress...Yeah right!

Silence you foolish mortals, or I shall fart in your presence till you die!

There's something insanely wrong with my brain.

The quote, " Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn, " is true. You see, a woman's scorn is the wrath of heaven, and hell hath no fury like that!

Oh the unholy saint me!

Dammit! What does a girl like me gotta do to be kissed in this planet?

I think there's a nymphomaniac's soul living inside me.

Oh my god, this morning, I walked into my bathroom and I screamed at the top of my lungs. I got so scared. I saw my face in the mirror! It was damn frightening.

I love you. I love you so much that you don't even have to love me back.... Just please, please, stay with me.

I laid the whole of heaven flat before him, but he still said no to me.

For a period of time, he made it so hard for me to breathe. But even in that period of time, I still pretended he was still mine.

My heart felt as if something's gripping it too tightly that it became too heavy to be in my chest. I thought about him so much that for that period of time, I lost myself.

He made it almost impossible for me to live. Almost.

And the only question left unanswered was, "How can he not love me when I loved him so very, very much?"

If ever Mr. Right comes along, I'm going to kill him. How dare that bastard make me wait for his ass this long!

The question is not, “ What will a person do for love or the right one.” The question is, “ What will a person not do for love or the right one.”

I have a lot of ideas about sex. The only problem is that, I can’t find the right partner to apply these ideas with.

I’m an A-student in my Physics class. Sex is the biggest, most wonderful and fun area to apply what learned in Physics.

Just a second, my boobies are falling. I need to catch them.

Wait a minute, now my pants are falling.

Could somebody help me? I’m wet.

I’m a professional poker. I poke a lot.

I’ve always wondered why guys are so captivated by women’s breasts. I mean, what’s so enthralling about it? It’s always there, jutting out, small or big, nothing more. As for a penis, hell, now that’s something! When it’s aroused, it gets huge, hard and hot…and when it’s not, it’s flat, tiny and not hot. Not that I’ve seen one before. …But I say, that’s a lot fascinating than breasts!

How about strip poker? No? strip-chess?

I think fate hasn’t given me my true love because it hasn’t found a guy who can match my capacity to love, yet…. or my sex drive…Fate probably thinks the poor bastard will die all too quickly from too much pleasure just by having sex with me. What more if I love him blindly, madly and deeply?

Don’t do anything I would do.

Yes, I know. It’s hard to believe but I am a girl, a straight one too, something that can be viewed as fortunate and unfortunate.