Everything About You

I'll leave when I want to

so your

somber

"give me a break"

song

meant to scare me

into silence

and submission

in your arms

tonight

wont freak me out.

I'll leave when I want to

so your words

and fists

wont disturb my pen

this evening.

He hates me

I can see it in his eyes

I can hear it in his voice

but I wont stop smiling.

Every night

I cling

to my dreams

and hope

that you

will be gone by morning

so why

do I shrink

under your palm

ever pleasing on my face

in the dead of night

here in this room

as though everything were right between us.

I'll leave this place when I want to

so stop screaming.

This man

in front of me

is nothing by skin

hands

face

arm

manly

manhood

and me the child at his heels.

I'm not afraid of you

or your hate

against me

like a lighted match

burning

tearing

scarring

scaring.

I hate everything about myself when I'm like this

my smile curled

outside of my heart

bleeding

for something,

anything,

other then the next round of this argument.

I lie

awake

without my heart

tonight.

I lie

down

with you

and get back up.

I stay

away

from you

when your like this

ready to strike me

and me

reawakened

to the sense's of my childhood.

I know what it is to be slapped.

To receive the back of his hand.

To fall

to the floor

with braided eyes

and simultaneous satisfaction.

Sometimes I think that I need this:

the hate

the violence

to feel love

because that is what love is to me.

I

hate

everything

about

myself

when I'm

like this

but I know

that I will never leave.