My names is calculus, that's my name

and my integers have brought people fame

I never came from a motley crew

but I know the band just like you do

my numbers you can't find in soup

or in any other random group

I was a shadow back in the day

but finally someone just gave me away

I said "Oh me oh my, oh my my my

I think you need to make some pi

parabolas, tangents, cosigns too.

These math minds need to be made anew

x and y, sin negative square roots

and this stuff just came from Newt's

handbook, notes and bubblegum wrappers

he wanted these children to turn into graphers!”

But after such a pretty start

I ended up in someone's shopping cart!

They said that now I've been bought

and in old schools I was gonna be taught

I wondered how things could get much worse

when some hippie came and put me in her purse

Yippee!

I'm now a hippie.

Now I was off in some lady's purse

I thought I was getting cursed

but the day came that I got away

and ran towards a one-eyed hippies optic ray

You must think I'm nuts!

but he was a funny one

Well he ordered me to take a shot

it felt like I was doin' pot

he said he was a scientist

and liked cold cheese and lots of rest

he's a weird man

needs lotsa fans

I sat watching him as he punched the sun

then went lookin' for his gun

he shot his bed full of holes

and went of to eat some Italian rolls

but I didn't run away from him

At the store, I met his wife

she tried to kill me with a knife.

She blamed me for her solitude

and for her husband bein' rude.

She's strange

likes home on the range

and lots of change.

Now this scientist

thinks there's nothing that he missed

he's sayin' he likes math

and things to graph

and you thought I was strange.

And now here came the math man

and stuck me in a fryin' pan

and there my juices just ran.

He said I equaled two and one and three

but I was sad 'cuz I wasn't free.

Oh no, not me.

They told me I had to be confused

well I wasn't very amused.

They put me in the school

and gave me funny rules

I tell you they were on their pots

when they started seein' spots.

Now you're probably wonderin' what this means

it's nothing like a tree that leans

just about math men who did some pot

and then just left poor calculus to rot

and that is what happened my friends

to poor calculus and his bendy ends