TO LOVE YOU

it is to pray unnecessarily hard at night,
to watch the spoonful of light pour in your room.
casting shadow crosses on the wooden floor.

it is to let go of helium balloons
regardless of the weather, and to watch
as they drift higher and disappear.

it is to have spit thicker than blood
down your throat, and to gasp and swallow
to force it down.

it is to run over floor tiles of the same
color texture grain and not stepping
on the lines, relishing in your uniformity.

it is to watch my feelings run from
the sockets of your eyes
as i plug them in.

it is to caress dead cats with
loving intention feed stray
dogs and fuel passion.

it is to sweep with a broom,
scrape with your nails, pick up with
fingers and corrugate your skin.

it is to hate the smell of cigarettes
but love scented toilet water,
that is, cologne on your neck.

it is to slip tranquilizer with silent hand,
to watch your eyelids fall and
pass yourself away.

it is to lie in the rain alone and wear
your soaked socks in squirmy shoes
to leave footprints in the sand.

it is to air your scars like
dirty laundry because plasters
hurt to sticky peel off residue.

it is to write in cursive letters and fresh
envelopes only to rip them up by mailboxes
with postage stamps intact.

it is to litter bus tickets on the ground,
letting people know where you've travelled,
to leave breadcrumb trails.

it is to love unconditionally, to sit around
hugging throw cushions, to filter and self-
censor our feelings.

it is to read poetry, to fumigate my heart
with this rush of blood to my toes
despite my throbbing head.

it is the beginning, the blossoming, and almost
the end with the freshest after-shower
feelings and the flowers in hand.

this influx of emotions is overwhelming,
oscillating in my slow step, pendulous and growing
in speed and in size.

it is to live a life where every redundant detail
makes my mind jar and halt to recall your
lopsided halfway smile.

these are the first lines we breathe
to choke too fast to bleed.
these are the first signs we are always breathing
to love you, lust to need.