SECTION SIX: POSSESSIVE APOSTROPHES, THOSE ANNOYING LITTLE THINGS!

Alright, I know. I haven’t added anything to this grammar review in ages. About a year, apparently. My bad. I admit it, I’ve just been lazy (busy too, but mostly just lazy).

But today I’ve got the urge to add another chapter. The impetus for this chapter can be squarely attributed to SisterMuse, a fine writer on this wondrous site. Alright, so she didn’t directly ASK me to write this, but the misuse of possessive apostrophes is really the only consistent mistake I’ve seen in her nearly flawless writing, and since I happen to like reading her story, I figure I might as well help her (and any other similarly-confused writers) out with it. ;-)

So, what, you may ask, is a “possessive apostrophe”? Well, technically, I think it’s one form of the “possessive case”. That’d be the one that tells you what belongs to who – ie: who “possesses” what. If you’re like me, though, you’ll know these rules better as “the apostrophe-‘s’ rules”.

For ease of explanation, I’m going to name the parts of the possessive phrase as “the possessed noun” and “the possessor”. (I strongly suspect that English teachers have other names for these, but then, I’m an engineer. As long as I define my terms I can call things whatever I want, right?) I’ll explain what I mean using the following simple example:

-- the child’s toys --

The “possessed object” is the item (or person) that is being owned or used. In this case, it’s “toys”, since that’s what the child owns.

The “possessor” is the person (or thing) that owns or is using the possessed noun. Here it’s “the child”, since that’s who owns the toys.

If you’re ever confused as to which is which, rewrite the phrase using “of”, like this:

-- the toys of the child --

or using “belonging to”, such as:

-- the toys belonging to the child --

That should tell you who owns what pretty quickly. As a side note, several languages use this “of” technique regularly, so don’t be surprised to hear it used by a foreigner!

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Having clarified that, I’ll move on to the rules themselves:

1.) When dealing with a single ‘possessor’, tack on an apostrophe-‘s’ at the end.

-- Tell your dog not to mess with my cat’s bowl! --

-- Just because my cat bit your dog’s tail doesn’t mean you should vent your anger on me! --

-- It isn’t mine, anyhow! It’s really Harry’s cat! –

-- Well, that’s ok. It’s Charles’s dog. --

Notice that in the last example, even though “Charles” ends in an ‘s’, there’s still an extra ‘s’ added, since it’s a singular word. This is, apparently, a rule that some teachers and writers disagree with, so apparently the phrase “Charles’ dog” would also be accepted, although it’s less common. Whichever way you do it, though, be consistent throughout your writing.

2.) When dealing with a plural ‘possessor’ that ends in ‘s’ already, just add an apostrophe at the end (after the ‘s’).

-- My three kids’ movies are all PG-rated. --

-- But my friends’ children sometimes watch R-rated ones. --

-- I just hate it when my kids watch their buddies’ R-rated movies! --

Alright, so those two simple rules cover probably 95 of all possessive cases. Which means there’s no excuse to forget them! Or else! (Yes, you’ve just met yet another member of my personal Peeve family. They’re a widespread bunch.)

The following rules are the complications, exceptions, and generally annoying details that English teachers like to throw in just to provide job insurance for themselves. Mind you, it’s still proper to use them! But certain grammar freaks who shall remain nameless will let you off the hook a little easier if you get these rules confused.

3.) When dealing with a plural ‘possessor’ that doesn’t end in ‘s’ and changes spelling during pluralization, you need to add an apostrophe-‘s’ at the end.

-- Women’s pets are always cuter than men’s pets, and children’s are the cutest! --

-- Are your ducks’ eggs bigger or smaller than my geese’s eggs? --

Notice that the change is NOT from womens to women’s, here! Instead, the pluralization is made first (“woman” to “women”) and THEN the apostrophe-‘s’ is added. Thus, women women’s, men men’s, children children’s, geese geese’s. (Note that ducks ends in ‘s’ normally, so ducks’ follows rule #2.) All of these words have strange pluralizations where the spelling of the word itself changes between the singular (ie: “woman”) and plural (ie: “women”) forms, and none of the pluralizations end in the traditional ‘s’. Basically, the ‘s’ is added for pronunciation’s sake.

4.) When dealing with a plural ‘possessor’ that doesn’t end in ‘s’ and does NOT change spelling during pluralization, you need to add an ‘s’ or ‘es’ and then put the apostrophe at the end.

-- The fishes’ bowl is dirty! --

-- The sheeps’ field is quite verdant, indeed. --

Yes, this looks very funny, I agree. But consider the alternative:

-- The fish’s bowl is dirty! -- Note: This means that there’s only one lonely fish in the bowl.

-- The fishes’ bowl is dirty! -- Note: This means it’s a crowded bowl!

-- The sheep’s field is quite verdant, indeed. -- Note: There’s only one grass-eater on this field.

-- The sheeps’ field is quite verdant, indeed. -- Note: Lots of sheep baa-ing away here!

5.) When dealing with multiple ‘possessors’ who own something together, the apostrophe-‘s’ gets added to the last named ‘possessor’ only.

-- The dogs and cats’ room is ready. --

-- Mike, Sam, and Carrie’s new home movie is hysterical! --

-- Sylvia, Ben’s, his, and my movie was a real bore, though. --

Notice that in all these cases, the names are linked together. The dogs and cats are staying in one room. Mike, Sam, and Carrie made a movie together. In the third case, instead of three names, I’ve given only two, along with “his” and “my”. Since my’s and his’s both look and sound REALLY stupid, we pass the apostrophe back a word until we run across a normal noun to add it to.

6.) When dealing with multiple ‘possessors’ who own separate things, the apostrophe-‘s’ gets added to all the ‘possessors’.

-- The dogs’ and cats’ dinners are made. --

-- Mike’s, Sam’s, and Carrie’s new home movies were all hysterical, but Mike’s was best! --

-- Sylvia’s, Ben’s, his, and my movies all flopped. --

Oh no! What jerks those English teachers are! I swear, they just like making life difficult for us writers! But fear not! I have a sure-fire way to figure out whether your list of possessors should follow rule #5 or #6. Try thinking about it this way:

Do you mean:

-- Mike AND Sam AND Carrie’s movies are hysterical! --

Since you can’t separate the movie(s) of Mike and Sam and Carrie, then you mean “Mike, Sam, and Carrie’s movie(s)” since the movie(s) belong to all three of them combined.

Or:

-- Mike’s movie AND Sam’s movie AND Carrie’s movie are hysterical! --

Since you can move the possessed objects (the movies) next to separate possessors, you must mean “Mike’s, Sam’s, and Carrie’s movies” instead. In this case, the phrase “Mike’s movie, Sam’s movie, and Carrie’s movie” is equally accurate. It’s just longer, and since we’re lazy people...

There’s one final pseudo-rule that I think I should mention. I call it a pseudo-rule because, really, it’s just an extension of rule #2. (Well, that and because I’m a geek and just like using the prefix “pseudo”.) It concerns people’s last (familial) names:

7.) When the possessor is the name of a family, pluralize it first and then add an apostrophe at the end.

-- Tom and Lena Mark really know how to have fun. The Marks’ movie parties are the best! --

-- Gary and Jennifer Gainer are childish. The Gainers’ movies are all PG-rated! --

-- Alan and Sarah Jones crack me up. The Joneses’ home movies are so ridiculous. --

Note that “Joneses” is the plural of “Jones”, no matter how strange it may look at a first glance, and thus that Joneses’ is correct! Is that pronounced Jones-es or Jones-es-es, you ask? I have no clue. Fortunately, I’m a writer not a public speaker!

One final note! Apostrophes are used for other things besides possession! They’re also used (as I just proved!) to contract words, such as “they’re”. Don’t start throwing ‘s’s around after every apostrophe you use, or your writing will soon look very silly!

And a second ‘final’ note! Don’t try forming possessives out of plural words that aren’t possessing anything! Just because it ends in ‘s’ doesn’t mean it needs an apostrophe. Take a look at the following example and make sure you understand which words are possessive and which aren’t, and why:

-- Talia’s father used to be one of the world’s great screen writers. I probably don’t need to tell you that those old guys really knew how to place their actors’ lines and cameras’ views. It’s amazing, watching those old films roll. You feel like you’ve stepped off Hollywood’s stage and into Alaska’s wilderness, or Mrs. Kellogg’s kitchen, or sometimes just a wide patch of marigolds under the summer’s sun. Listening to Talia’s father gab on and on about the good ol’ days really made me think. Will we make movies like that when it’s my generation’s time? --

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I think that about wraps that up! I’m sure I’ve missed something, as usual, so if you notice it, just drop me a line and let me know. Take care!

-- Ruatha