Bitter Gratitude

A sigh
Is really the only testament
I can give to what I feel.
I can't say I'm surprised;
I'm not.
But I do wish that just once
Things would change -
That just once
I'd find a pleasant difference
In this monotony that is my life.
So I smile
And wonder when
This grim resignation became
A permanent part of me,
And when I had ceased to hope.
One thing is certain -
There is less pain this way
And for that I suppose
I should be grateful.