The potential freedom

As we hug I notice she grasps a little more tightly as we are about to part, as if she is reluctant to let me go. Her slender arms unwrap from around me and I feel abandoned somehow. Mia gently pushes a curl behind her ear, and briefly concern flashes through her eyes. She says my name, I hear the concern, but snaps it shut taking pause before continuing.

“Tell Jack we say hello,” she smiles the concern vanished perhaps hidden as she uncertainly speaks.

I look at my old friend and try to say my goodbye. My mouth is unable to form any words so I simply nod and weakly smile. I cannot stand the awkwardness beginning to form so I turn on heel to walk away. My retreat is a quick as I can make it with out drawing anyone’s unnecessary attention. Soon enough I am standing outside the wrought iron gate of our house. This large house was never much of a home or sanctuary, yet after my interaction with Mia I happy to push aside the gate and run into the shadows of the brick prison. My whole body hits the wood of the door as it shuts behind me. Finally, I let the weight of my lies and deceptions crush me, I fall to the cold and hard floor. My body shudders and I let myself weep into the quiet and heavy atmosphere pressing around me.

Dinner is ready and not a moment to soon as I hear the front door open. Jack enters the room and my insides burn with anxiousness and fear. He sets aside his briefcase taking his seat at the other end of the table. His black eyes direct themselves to me I respectfully meet his gaze and then look away. Busying myself by pulling the sleeve of my expensive and over-elaborate gown over the blistering burn on my palm. If Jack were to see that I had been clumsy with his meal I would be in for more than forced intimacy this evening.

I listen as he speaks vaguely about progress on his case. The food in my mouth has no taste that can replace the ever-bitter flavor biting at my senses. The meal ends and Jack watches me as I clear away the china.

“I will have to leave for this case,” his voice in a monotone.

“Leave?” I instantly regret the question behind the single word.

He seems not to realize the disrespect and continues, “I must travel for negotiation of a settlement. I trust I will not have to concern myself with you or your activates.”

My heart flutters with anticipation but I am careful with my words “I would never wish to displease you.”

This reply seems to satisfy him and he retreats from the table to his study, and as the door shuts I see him reach for the brandy.

The brass handle clicks and a sliver of light falls onto my bare shoulder and illuminates the skin. That smell is unforgettable and awful, the stench of alcohol clings to the air that just seconds before smelled of the pleasant freshness of winter. He stumbles and I close my eyes tightly even though I know it’s to late. His hands are on my arms and fumbling with the nightgown draped on there skin.

“Sit up,” a command I dare not disobey.

I sit and allow my garments to be unwilling stripped from my body. His hands and lips are rough against the exposed skin. Tonight I will not fight, tonight I will not tighten my muscles to oppose, and tonight I will not feel. I am cold and sinking into the darkness but I don’t claw for solid ground. I will let go and let it happen.

All of the strength and courage that exist with in me are invoked to lift me from the place I buried myself in. I cannot recall how the pain between my legs came to be until I open my eyes and see his steady rising and falling chest. I breathe freely and turn over ignoring the pain because Jack can’t hurt me when he is gone.