Title: Acceptance Author: Mai Lynn Started: October 5, 2004 Finished: October 5, 2004

Whoot, looky here! Another story, but! *gasp* Not of Kaiyn!! AMAZING! Nopes, this is a story about Kilroy 'cause d-freakin'-g-it him and Kelzig have been on my mind ALL THE TIME. They won't go away, aaaah! So yosh, wrote a story. I may even turn this in for an assignment, whoot! Anyway, Less belongs to my sister, Kelzig belongs to Dragon-chan. Read, fellow authors, enjoy!

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The rusted haired man lay upon the bed, the sheets protecting him from exposing himself. His normally stoic face was laden with tears, curling into himself. His stomach forever tightened in pain, lacking what it wanted most for more than four days now; food. Alas, Kilroy refused to eat. Refused to do much of anything. He was afraid. Not the trembling, heart stopping fear that most experience when in a dark alleyway. No, Kilroy's fear was far deeper than that. It lay within him, constantly causing a numbing pain to ripple through his chest before fading away, only to start with a sharp jab after a few minutes.

He had admitted that he loved a man. It wasn't the first time, oh no. It was the second though, and Kilroy's fear had only grown worse. Afraid to be alone, to be abandoned, not to be accepted. Those things the man feared far more than death. For, if he were to be alone, he would have no one. The mere thought of no one pushed more tears from his eyes as he grasped the sheets, pulling them to his chest. The man had told him that he loved Kilroy, would never abandon him. Yet, through Kilroy's murky, unknown past he had always felt a horrible agonizing truth; that he had been betrayed many, many times. The pain of betrayal stemmed his fear of abandonment. He could remember, just a few months ago, how he would do anything to please anyone. Casting aside his individual self, Kilroy would oft times agree with a person just to see acceptance in their eyes. In doing this, he lost himself and no longer knew the difference between Kilroy and the people's Kilroy. Despite what he had lost, he would do most anything, including sleeping with the person if only to be accepted.

Less. He remembered with a wince. The mere mention of the name brought the searing pain through his chest. The very first person he had ever loved. The first person he had ever betrayed. The sadistic blonde woman was always in his mind, shadowed by the fear he had for her. He loved her deeply, would do anything for her. Sadly, she struck such a fear in him he was forced to do what he dreaded most; Abandon her. Less, too, had felt the pain of betrayal and ultimately grew to hate Kilroy as much as he loved her. She hated him so much, that she refused to acknowledge that she used to care for him. He still cared for her though, unable to hate her.

Kilroy's mind wandered again, this time to his first 'official' lover; Alexi Chauldry. Alexi was a simple man, with a grin that would never fade and a boisterous personality. Kilroy sought for acceptance, and thus befriended Alexi. He grew to like Alexi as he began to know more about the cheerful man. After a while, Kilroy began to notice how Alexi looked to him. Alexi had begun to inquire as to what Kilroy liked, what Kilroy disliked. Alexi began to prefer Kilroy's company to anyone else and would even ask for Kilroy to spend the night over his place. Of course, the man lied to Alexi, telling him what he wanted to hear when asked and obeyed Alexi's wishes. Unfortunately, the grinning man soon saw past Kilroy's facade and began to ask what he truly liked. Kilroy, shocked to have a person see past his ploy, started to voice out his beliefs and acted as he wanted too.

It was a grimaced, recalling what had happened shortly after. Kilroy had moved in with the man. He even told Alexi out loud that he loved him and shared his most private of thoughts and his body with him. Yet, after six months, Alexi left. Kilroy felt pain as he had never felt pain before. This was must worse than what he could feel but not remember from his life so long ago. This was. Agony. Consuming, black agony that ripped through his body with fierce determination to destroy him. Furthermore, Kilroy's mind was ravaged as Less, in a cruel gesture of revenge, informed him as to why Alexi left; Kilroy was too depressing, too stoic, too. Himself. Alexi left Kilroy because he grew to hate the real Kilroy. Anguished, the tortured man found himself wandering the streets after hearing that, his stomach deprived of food and his mind blank.

That's when Kelzig found me. The first meeting with Kelzig was rather painful, and Kilroy preferred not to think about it. The cruel, sadistic man had drugged Kilroy and dragged him into his home, raping him of freedom and of dignity. At first, Kilroy had nothing but vehement hate for the man who tortured him. Only. The torture happened once and since then, Kelzig had not maliciously touched Kilroy with lust. Instead, he showered Kilroy with gentle words and brief touches, which only angered and confused him at first; it reminded Kilroy of Alexi and this brought much pain to him. However, after about two weeks with the once sadistic man, Kilroy began to notice something that he thought would never happen again. Not once did Kilroy agree with Kelzig or obey his wishes since they first met. Yet, Kelzig kept Kilroy with him and frequently gave Kilroy his attention, whether it was lashing out at Kelzig or spiteful silence. Being hurt and confused for so long, Kilroy eventually gave up and began to be civil to Kelzig. He began to feel comfortable around the man and discovered what he truly liked. And Kilroy began to do the things he liked instead of what was wanted. He felt liberated and content for the first time in years.

Because of him. Kilroy had realized this a long time ago, about a month after that horrible night. In addition to realizing that his salvation was thanks to Kelzig, he noticed, that Kelzig began to act more caring around him. When they talked, there was not difference, but somehow, Kilroy just knew. Kelzig loved him. Originally, this frightened Kilroy, as it reminded him of Alexi. The fear of betrayal was strong. So strong that he refused to acknowledge Kelzig's feelings. Even when Kelzig admitted that he loved him, Kilroy merely nodded and did not express his feelings on the matter. Eventually, Kilroy began to think about his feelings to the man. Questions arose, frightening questions that would scare Kilroy so much he would tremble. Did he love this man who first raped him, then saved him? If he did, what would happen? If he told Kelzig that he loved him, would Kelzig just leave after using him for his wants? These questions burned a pain in Kilroy's stomach, and he tried to ignore them. It did not work, however. As Kilroy spent more time with Kelzig, he could feel a stronger attachment to the man. He grew dependant on him; dependant on his caresses, dependent on his words, dependant on his feelings. And with a shudder, Kilroy realized he loved him. However, Kilroy knew he could never tell Kelzig how he felt.

Or he'll abandon me too. He sniffed, wiping his face from the tears. Sitting up in the bed, Kilroy wrapped the sheets tightly about him and stared at the opposite wall. A movement behind him and a lax hand upon his back startled him from his thoughts as he turned around and looked down. Kelzig looked to him inquisitively and a hand stretched to cup Kilroy's tear-streaked face.

"Why are you crying?" He asked, sitting up in the bed. Kilroy shrugged nonchalantly, staring down at the sheets. There was a patient silence as he took in a shuddering breath.

"I." He spoke, his voice croaked and soft, "I was thinking."

"About.?"

Kilroy paused before closing his eyes, swallowing, "About. Of. Nnn, I don't know. 'M just afraid."

"Of?"

Shrugging, he turned his face away, wiping it off of the sheets, "Of, of being abandoned. Again." He bit his lip. Damn it, I'm pathetic.

"Why?" Kelzig's persistent questioning, although caring, had always annoyed Kilroy as he looked to him with an angry pout.

"Why else, Kelzig? I, I can't." Biting his lip, Kilroy realized that he would sound like a fool if he spoke anymore. Shaking his head, he sighed, "Never mind." He felt Kelzig's hand gently turn his face to him as he embraced Kilroy.

His lover nuzzled his forehead, kissing it gently, "Kilroy, why would I abandon you?"

"I dunno. It's, it's because of. Of him, Alexi."

Kelzig smiled a bit, "Am I Alexi?" Kilroy shook his head, "Then don't be afraid. Why would I abandon you? I have no reason to, Kilroy. I love you." Kilroy felt his stomach tighten. He was supposed to respond, but. He couldn't do it. He couldn't say the words out loud. Looking at the devoutly loyal man, Kilroy took one of his rough hands and placed it against his mouth. He moved his lips, but no sound escaped them.

I love you.

-------- C&C's always loved and loathed, flames even better!