Author: Mai Lynn (With LOTS of help from Dragon-chan!!)

Title: Acceptance

Revised: October 28, 2004

Dude, Dragon-chan was a HUGE help, so yay for the better version of the story! I revised it 'cause my teacher actually liked it (Wow, a story based from role playing even!) and thus, re did it. Of course, the uber sexy ending is NOT what I turned in, but is for yins.

Dedicated to Kelzig and Kilroy, may yins be happy!!

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The rust-haired man lay upon the bed, the sheets protecting him from exposing his body to the surrounding frostbitten air. His normally stoic face was laden with tears, curling into himself. His stomach tightened in pain, lacking what it wanted most for more than four days now; food. Alas, Kilroy refused to eat. Refused to do much of anything. He was afraid. Not the trembling, heart stopping fear that most experience when in a dark alleyway. No, Kilroy's fear was far deeper than that. It lay within him, constantly causing a numbing pain to ripple through his chest before fading away, only to start with a sharp jab after a few minutes.

He had admitted that he loved a man. It wasn't his first time, oh no. It was the second though, and Kilroy's fear had only grown worse. Afraid to be alone, to be abandoned, not to be accepted. Those things the man feared far more than death. He could remember, somewhere in his murky and unknown past, that he was betrayed many times. The pain of betrayal stemmed his fear of abandonment. He was frightened of relationships, because to open up to someone meant to show them who he was. To do that, would only provoke the person to leave him. He knew from painful experiences, that he couldn't be who he wanted to be. If he did, then people would abandon him, as his first lover had.

"Kilroy, ah love ya more'n anythin'." The phrase that Kilroy would grow sick of. Alexi's southern accent was heavy, and it annoyed Kilroy to no end at first. Alas, not wishing to experience loneliness, Kilroy had put a smile to his face and befriended the wild southern man. The two grew to be great friends, despite the fact that Kilroy lied to Alexi constantly to meet his approval. Unfortunately, Alexi became wise to Kilroy's deceptions and confronted him about it.

"Why you ahlways gotta 'gree with me?" Alexi asked with a playful smile.

"I'm sorry?" He had replied, faking curiosity when anxiety was his main emotion.

"Well, ah been noticin' that ya do nuttin' but agree wit me. Even when I told ya how disgustin' them salads are, then I ate one! An' ya did too!" Kilroy could remember him chuckling to his shocked expression.

"I ain't got nuttin' t'hate if yer t' disagree or whatnot! Yer mah friend, be who ya are. Ain't got nuttin' t'loose, right?" Kilroy could remember how surprised he was and then how happy he felt as Alexi seemed to want to meet the real Kilroy. Then that word was used; Love. A disgusting and despicable word that Kilroy wished he never had heard. After only six months with the southern, Kilroy awoke one morning to find their apartment empty.

'I hate that day.' He thought to himself with a frown, 'I hate the terror I felt. I hate how cold the bed was. I hate how freezing the floor and the air was. Most of all, I hate that note. That horrible note. I hate that note.'

Howdy Kilroy, good morning. I have a weight on my chest that I gotta let go
of.
I'm bored with you. I'm bored with your face and your empty smiles, and your quietness. Most of all I'm bored with your boring personality. I'm just plain bored. Matter of fact, I regret telling you to stop acting. We were better off with your lies. I'm looking for my soul mate, someone I can
love and they will love me back. You're the opposite, you're not what I
want. So I'm going to go find my soul mate.

Biting his lip, Kilroy felt fresh tears run down his face as he sat up in the bed and hugged his knees close to his chest.

"D-Damn it." He cursed softly, placing his face into the sheets, "I hate you. You hate me, and I hate you." A lax hand upon his back startled him from his crying, and he turned his head to his new lover, Kelzig. Once again, Kilroy loved someone. Only this time, when Kelzig and Kilroy had first met it was anything but romantic. He could remember the pain and blood clearly. Yet, after such a horribly wrong first night together, it never happened again. Instead, Kelzig was as gentle with Kilroy as though they had been lovers always. Kilroy first hated this, but after a while, he grew dependant on it. So dependant, that.

"Why are you crying?" The blonde asked gently, sitting up in bed and forcing Kilroy to focus on his surroundings. He shrugged to the question, turning his head away to stare into the darkened room.

"Nothing. 'M fine." He muttered. Kelzig, of course, didn't believe him as he nuzzled the side of his lover's face. There was a patient silence, and Kilroy drew in a shuddering breath.

"I." He heard his voice croak as he wiped away tears, "I was remembering."

"Who?"

".Al-Alexi." He whispered. He could hear a disgruntled sound from Kelzig. Kelzig was not fond of Alexi, as Alexi was the main cause of Kilroy's anguish.

"It might be better not to remember that anymore." Kelzig said softly to him. Kilroy sniffs, wiping his face again as he stared at the sheets.

"But. He said that he cared for me, and then. just. left." He trailed off, swallowing loudly.

"Then he probably didn't know what caring about someone was really like." Kelzig replied, running a hand comfortingly over Kilroy's back. The man looked to his calm lover with a questioning look. He and Alexi had a relationship much like normal ones; a relationship of caresses, loving words, shared moments, and vows of affection.

Kelzig took a moment to stare back before replying, "If he left you, then how did he care for you?"

"He. Didn't then." Kilroy responded quietly as he compared the two. Both of them loved Kilroy at first, only. Alexi was the one that left. Would Kelzig also leave? Biting his lip, he caught the next words from his lover.

"His loss." It was barely audible, and Kilroy felt a small smile reach his lips as he heard it.

".You. Really care for me, then?" He ventured, precautious. Kelzig smiled to him, running a hand through his hair soothingly.

"Yes." The answer was sincere, Kilroy was sure of it. Something inside, however, kept replaying his old memory, where he was abandoned, even after promises were made and exchanged. Biting his lip, Kilroy knew he would be annoying if he furthered questioned Kelzig's feelings. However, he had to make sure. He did not want to suffer as he had before all of his life. He knew, somehow he knew, that all of his life he had loved and been loved, then betrayed. Left behind. Discarded as though he were nothing more but a bottle to be thrown away.

"What if." He faltered, but he had to ask, "What if you begin to hate me?"

"I won't." Kelzig said reassuringly, "And if I ever did, I'd just remember everything there is to like about you." He ran his hand through the rust colored hair again as Kilroy smiled a little.

"I'd never hate you either." He replied softly.

"Thank you for that."

"Kelzig. I. I want to tell you why I can't, I mean why it's hard." Sighing, Kilroy reorganized his words after a moment, attempting to speak again, "Remember when you first asked me why I did the things other people wanted?" Kelzig nods and Kilroy took in a calming breath.

"If I'm alone, I'll have no one. Having no one. Makes me tremble, and makes me hurt. Because I know that if there is no one, it's because they didn't like me. To have someone abandon you, because they don't like you is the worst feeling in the world. It means that you're a horrible person, that you are a freak, that you. Are nothing. I fear relationships because I don't want to be abandoned again, I don't want to be hurt. It's. It's agony, to be hurt. Alexi, he meant a lot to me but he just left." Kilroy's eyes narrowed as he hissed lowly, "That damn bastard left after used me. And Kelzig, you. I-I care for you, but I don't want to lose you either. You mean a lot, so I won't do the same thing I did with Alexi, only."

At his pause, he couldn't help but look away from Kelzig, reaching out to hold one of his hands securely to his chest, "You have never seen me act as anything other than myself. And. You still care for me. You love me for who I am, right?" Kelzig nodded, though Kilroy never looked to see, "If you do, and your love and affection won't go away, perhaps I can actually tell you how. I feel. Until then though, I. I just can't, say it. I'm sorry." As he finished his little ramble, Kelzig brought his lover close into his arms.

"Alright then." He replied softly, kissing the top of Kilroy's hair. Kissing the head of hair again, Kelzig's lips came down to rest upon his lover's lips. Kilroy accepted the kiss, moving his mouth against the blonde's. After such an emotional outburst, the man welcomed the gentle and very pleasing touches. Kelzig's hand gently lay upon Kilroy's shoulder, trailing down the soft skin until it reached his waist. There, he began to stroke Kilroy's skin, where as the man moaned in pleasure, his tongue grazing against Kelzig's warm mouth. The two kissed for a long time, until Kelzig straddled Kilroy, gently pushing him to the sheets. Kilroy sighed in ecstasy as Kelzig's lips trailed down to his neck, where the elf began to nip at the skin.

Panting, he arched his back to Kelzig, gasping in pure delight. The elf's tongue continued to caress his neck, trailing down to his collarbone where he nipped gently. While his tongue and lips where having fun with Kilroy's skin, the man's hands were caught up in the golden hair. He petted it, ran his fingers through it. The two bodies pressed against each other as Kilroy's lips found Kelzig's and began to kiss him gently, his tongue licking at the lips. With a sound of contentment, Kelzig opened his mouth to Kilroy and they continued to kiss hungrily, hands roaming over their skin, their bodies grinding against each other. With a soft mewl, Kilroy's hand trailed down to touch Kelzig tenderly. The elf moaned as he nipped at one of Kilroy's nipples, his tongue and teeth teasing it while labored breathing came from the smaller man. The elf grinded into Kilroy before his large hands took the hips of his lover and raised him slightly. Kilroy, filled with such peace, stared at Kelzig, a hand reaching up to caress his face. With a thrust, Kelzig entered the man, who whimpered in bliss as his mouth opened, gasping. Kelzig pulled his lover to him and held him, thrusting into Kilroy as he stroked the man's skin with both his lips and his tongue. Kilroy could do nothing but gasp and whither in pleasure, hugging the elf to him as he moved his body in time with Kelzig's. In their rhythm, Kilroy felt pure nirvana as he climaxed with a soft cry, Kelzig soon following him with a moan of his own. Placing his lips close to Kelzig's lips, Kilroy mouthed his love for the elf before kissing him gently. Kelzig grinned as he softly laid Kilroy onto his back, lying atop of him as he grabbed the sheets and pulled them tightly around their bodies. A content smile was on Kilroy's lips, nuzzling his lover.

'This is what I want. This is who I want.' He thought, drifting off into a warm, deep sleep.

C&C's always loved and loathed, flares even better!