SKIT IDEA # 2: THE HONEY BAKED MEATS OF BETRAYAL

Start

[Camera fades in to a news room where a red haired woman is sitting behind
a news desk]

Announcer: channel 36 ½, WDFT is almost semi-proud to present the evening news with anchor woman Anita Newjub and Canadian reporter Emma Noying.

Anita: Hello again America I'm Anita Newjub, and this is the evening news.

In today's news it was reported that giant fish tacos are ravaging Japan, as something usually is. It is believed that these 'monsters' were created from ordinary disgusting fish tacos exposed to an intense amount of UV radiation after coming in contact with a radio active poodle named François thus mutating in to gigantic disgusting tacos, our network then tracked down said poodle and asked him for his comment. François had this to say: arf arf yap yap yap arf woof yap arf awooooo. Hmm intriguing indeed

And now onto a completely unrelated topic that someone may actually care about as channel 36 ½, WDFT, brings to you our latest ground breaking story entitled the honey baked meats....of betrayal!

Announcer: DUN DUN DUUUNNNNNNNN!

Anita: a story of scandal, betrayal, luncheon meat and lies of a Canadian corporation unfolding before our very eyes much like my integrity as a news reporter. We will now hand the story over to our Canadian reporter Ms. Emma Noying bringing you live coverage of this late breaking news report

Over to you Emma

[The view switches to that of another camera where we see one Emma Noying standing in front of Porky's Canadian bacon factory talking to the camera man unaware that she is on

Emma: [to the camera man] Oh yeah I totally agree with you there buddy that Anita Newjub what a whore eh?

[The camera man then whispers something in to Emma's ear and her eyes grow wide

Emma: oh we-we're on uh. well hello there and all of America, this is Emma Noying for channel 36 ½ WDFT bringing you live coverage of this EPIC story as it unfolds. You know it's live because other wise the whole whore topic would have been bleeped out by our network censors..

Anywhoo to continue I'm standing here in front of the previously beloved Porky's Canadian bacon factory Where Canada's trust was completely shattered as a heath inspector who chooses to remain anonymous announced that, upon further inspection of the so called 'Canadian bacon factory she discovered that it was actually nothing more than...regular ham [GASP]

Announcer dude: DUN DUN DUN!

Emma: thank you..Yes it's just ham and as it turns the little oinkers used in the making of the meat-like product weren't even Canadian they were all born and raised in a strange faraway place called 'Cleveland'..oh the deception of it all!!!!! Eh?

We here at WDFT thought that this 'scandal' bared further investigation so we took the liberty of barging in to the corporate head's office and demanding an interview, he agreed to an interview jumping at the chance to clear the name of both himself and his company of the 'alleged' wrong doings although for some one who held the belief he had done nothing wrong I thought it was a bit strange that as security was dragging me out the door he requested to remain 'anonymous' just a mite suspicious there eh? So let us journey now into the head mans office shall we.

[She walks into the building and straight into the head dudes office where he is sitting at his desk, face blurred]

Emma: [takes a seat in front of his desk and leans forward microphone in hand] so, MR. President what have you to say about all this?

Pres.: well, frankly I don't see what the big deal is, it's just pork.

Emma: so are you trying to tell me you see nothing wrong with trampling on the trust the citizens of Canada placed in you.

Presidential dude: what? No that's not what I'm saying at all, I'm just saying what does it matter what's done to it so long as people eat it

Emma: so now you're saying you don't care what kind of condition the meat you sell is in so long as it sells? Don't you care about your buyers?

P.D.: of course not!

Emma: you mean you really don't care about your buyers?!

P.D.: no that's not-

Emma: oh ho so your true colors are finally coming out are they?

P.D.: no you're twisting my words

Emma: are u trying to say I'm a liar

P.D.: well not nessis-

Emma: so does that mean you're calling all our loyal viewers who listen and watch us every day foolish for listening to me?!

P.D.: NO! LISTEN TO ME AND STOP PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH YOU HYPERACTIVE CRAZY BRAND PSYCHO DANMIT ALL!!!!

Emma: Mr. president I cannot believe what I'm hearing impressionable young kid-lings may or may not be watching this that's it now that we finally see your true colors we might as well see your true face, the face of evil, and let the world see who the filthy scuzz ball behind this scandal is.

[She 'deactivates' the censorship thingy]

[The president covers his face]

P.D.: that's it this meetings over [pushes button] SECURITY

Emma: I can show my self out thank you. But know this you'll never silence the truth OR me for tho many have tried they all have failed just like you, evil pork man!

[She walks outside and faces the camera that insufferable and oh so annoying smile back on her face]

Emma: this has been a channel 36 ½ WDFT news report. And I'm Emma Noying signing off

Back to you Anita.

[Switch cameras back to the news room]

Anita: [in a sarcastic voice] I never would have guessed Porky's was capable of such an underhanded deed, nor do I care.

Well thankfully that's all the time we have for today lest our intelligence drop any further if that's possible

Don't forget to tune in again tomorrow---our top story:

In the dog house now: the goofy story- we follow the continuing downward spiral of goofy dog's life ,which is eerily similar to the downward spiral of my career, spinning a tale of drug and alcohol abuse and about when things stop being funny and start becoming just plain sad, much like my life at this point.

And on that pointless note we end today's broadcast.

Good night America and remember go to hell!

[Black out then the lights come on again and we see Emma standing with a packet of Porky's Canadian bacon in her hands.]

Emma: oh hello there America this program was brought to you in part by Porky's Canadian bacon don'tcha know.. Porky's Canadian bacon it's the porky-est. yum yum, eh?

Fast talking disclaimer dude: channel 36 ½ WDFT does not, in anyway shape or form, condone the manufacturing, selling eating or misuse of Canadian bacon or any other pork or pork-like product

[Fade to black]

SCENE

MR. 'ANONYMOUS' CORPORATE HEAD DUDE