Fine
By:
Amber (Fez) O'Donnell
I've been asked a question. One we're all asked everyday. It's a
question that has a routine all say the same to ask it
out of politeness. Our parents, who are taught by theirs to ask the
question and how to answer it, teach us the question and answer. You
probably answered it today. You most definitely answered it three times in
today alone. Now I know some of you have already guessed the very question
I am talking about. For the point of those people's times and the fact
that those of you who haven't probably are already going to have to much to
think about once this is done I will tell you come right out and ask you
the question right now, I'll even answer it for you. "How are you?" I ask.
"Fine and you?" you reply. See now realization has hit you. Am I right, if
I'm not then you're denying the truth, I know its true.
Now I will answer the question. Not with the routine and expected
answer. I'm going to surprise you and actually spend forever telling you
how I feel. Once I'm done you'll have a lot to think about and of course
you will understand why this question is responded the same way every time
you see someone. It takes a great deal of thinking to actually answer it.
I know one of you out there is just about ready to strangle me for my way
of telling you. For the sake of that one person I shall stop talking about
such an interesting question. Or more of I will get to talk about the
answer.
Now I will try to explain as best as I can as I go along. Let me list
a couple things then I'll stop and explain. Other wise this will become a
100 page essay on feelings and I know none of you want to read that, nor do
I want to write it.
I feel unneeded like I'm unimportant and I could just disappear.
Rebecca could find a new sob sister. Elena could tell her notions of self-
harm to someone else. All my friends could find themselves another clown.

Unneeded
Unimportant
Could just disappear
New sob sister
Someone else
Another Clown
I am unhungary and still somehow I have become a fat, ugly teenager. I
overeat to keep from starving. And I don't bother washing my face or
primping myself for nothing could make me look pretty. I'm sad for some
reason undiscovered. I'm overwhelmed by life in general, there's too much
too fast. People say that's normal but I also hold fear and mad but at who
and why?
Unhungary
Fat
Ugly
Sad
Overwhelmed
Normal
Fear
Mad
Sad
Clueless as to how I came about a possy that I am so undeserving of. I
keep my silence knowing that if I tell you then you will feel pity towards
me and then tell me that I am just feeling self-pity. I'm frustrated it's
like I'm walking in circles. I live a lie and lie to live. I feel
wisdomatic and artistic; yet I feel idiotic and ungifted.
Clueless
Undeserving
Silence
Pity
Self-pity
Frustrated
Walking in circles
Live a lie
Lie to live
Wisdomatic
Artistic
Idiotic
Ungifted
I have been told I'm lazy from one of the few peoples who opinions
matter to me. Unloved seemed too obvious a statement but once again I state
some things for those of you who don't take the hint I feel worthless and
hated. I am forced to talk about things that I dislike or things that make
me embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Lazy
Unloved
Hated
Dislike
Worthless
Hated
Embarrassed
Uncomfortable
Now I will never speak a word of this, and neither will you because I
never said it. I just thought it I thought about listing all of those forty-
three words to you. But though then I would have to explain wouldn't I? No.
To answer you're question I will simply reply "Fine".