Inspired by Day2Dreamer

Now many would say I'm not a shy person, but I don't say much even though if you asked people who I like to describe me they say I was one of the loudest people in the group. However if you asked my lab partner or someone else who haven't earned me being nice to them they would tell you I was a jerk, who was snappy and blunt. Now the people I like could tell you the same thing, but because they're my friends then you would pay attention to them and disregard my lab partner's words.

What I'm getting at is that it depends who you here it from if it hits you. Now I've heard my parents and my Therapist (yes I know 'The"rapist") say things to me a thousand times. But even though I could say they know me, they don't. I'm two different people, I am fun and loud and random when need be but I am also quiet, deep, and painfully blunt at times. My parents only know the first, and my therapist the second. The ones who know both me's words seem to mean even less, because they know nothing about me.

How is it then that I heard a complete strangers words clearer then all of those people's words. How is it when they tell me I am important it means something even thought they know nothing more that my name and forty-three words I used to describe myself it meant something. Some mysteries we could spend forever on and only get further from the answers, and maybe this is one of them. I have heard the advice and still am feeling rotten about myself.

I guess when a complete stranger tells you something you think about it more. Is it that because they are so mysterious as to who they are that you take a little more time out of you're day to think about the world, and what they say and in that think about yourself.

Trauma can change a person, make them think that the god they so believe them has turned on them, make them a god hater. Why is it when something horrible happens it is you who feels you must have caused it? You begin to think abut the sins you have committed and at nine I became depressed though you couldn't tell it from the way I acted I suppose you had to be sitting in my room with me when I shouted to the stars asking why it is that this is happening to me.

I was rewarded for standing strong through being hated by everyone and loosing people who were close to me, I was given a chance, someone who was oblivious of the fact I was to be hated by all. I took advantage of it not realizing what it was. Then I got more friends. And now I have many, with out realizing it I was accepting gifts while still thinking I was hated and forgotten by god.

So now so many years later when a complete stranger tells me the same thing everyone around me has been saying I listen? While I have been not quiet hearing everyone else, I listened to the stranger, now maybe I can rest. First though I have to find a way to thank everyone with the exception of my lazy and insulting lab partner for putting up with my morbidity, and to apologize for the grief I have put them through.

But a shadow is still lingering in my future. When the skeleton leaves the closet will I be able to survive it? Maybe I can if I remember the words of a simple stranger, or maybe they won't help because it will be from someone oblivious to the skeleton.