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Bite Me

Written By Mamono

“I’m going to kill you once we get out of here, you know that, don’t you?” came a voice from within leafy green stalks. Its owner was a teenage boy, around 17, named Devon. The fact that he was in surroundings that were completely foreign to him didn’t help his already frigid attitude.

Corn.

Everywhere you looked, you would see the giant plants all around you. It wasn’t anything like the hustle and bustle of the city. When he asked where he could find the nearest café with Internet connection, he only received amused looks and dry laughter.

‘There was no intro-net connections here.’

As if the lack of technology was bad enough, he was stuck on a farm with his dim-witted cousin, of whom lacked all social graces. Joe, as he was called by those who actually liked him, Devon just called him ‘mutt.’ The resemblance with the family dog was astounding. Joe was simple enough, and that’s what drove Devon crazy, not to mention that golden scruff that shamed the name ‘hair.’

“Yeah, you told me that,” the above described person looked up thoughtfully, “three times already. I think that’s a charm.” Joe came into view, sliding in between two larger stalks of corn to come up right behind Devon.

“The only thing that’s a charm is that you can count to three,” Devon snapped, plowing forward. “Wait. Another charming thing: You sniffing us a way out of here.” The only solace he found was in tormenting his companion by comparing him to various forms of the canine species. It was rather amusing to him, but Joe didn’t seem to agree.

“It’s not my fault we’re lost,” Joe said, sounding hurt. “I didn’t ask you to come in here.”

“No, you didn’t,” Devon said with a hint of mock-remorse. “You pulled me in here!”

“Psh! You could have fought back,” Joe countered, smirking. In all honesty, Joe had only meant this in jest and nothing more; he never intended for them to get lost. Remembering when he was young, running around in the corn like a maze, he thought it would be fun for them to try it. Obviously though, Devon wasn’t having any fun, and, after the first two hours, neither was he.

“When encountering a wild and potentially rabid animal, it’s best to refrain from aggressive actions. You might contract some sort of disease from a bite,” Devon spat, trying to get onto his tip-toes; perhaps he could get a better view...

“Hey!” Joe growled, shoving Devon lightly, but not playfully. “Quit treatin’ me like a dog, a’right!” Joe only wanted to be friends with his cousin, but that rich-priss was always thinking about himself. It was always like that; it was as if Devon was unable to make friends.

“Then stop acting like one,” Devon retorted, brushing his designer leather coat off as if he would otherwise get cooties. The two didn’t speak much after that, not that they usually talked much, and when they had, it was only filled with malice.

It seemed like the corn went on forever, a maze of green. Devon moodily stalked among the ‘cursed plants’ while Joe followed, indifferent, in his wake. Joe wasn’t having a bad time, though not a particularly good one either; he always enjoyed the fresh air, but as more time passed, he couldn’t ignore the rolling in his stomach any longer.

“I’m hungry,” he stated, earning himself a scoff from his companion.

“And?” Devon really didn’t care if he was hungry or not. It seemed like the mongrel was always hungry, so this outburst was commonplace. Now that he thought about it, he must have spent a lot of time with his cousin to start picking up on his personality like this, an unnerving thought.

“And I’d like some food,” Joe persisted, taking on a whiney tone. Devon rolled his emerald eyes and looked around just to entertain him.

“Here,” he said, grabbing onto a nearby stalk of corn and, after wrestling with it, plucked a ripe piece of corn from it, “eat this.” He tossed the vegetable to the other and continued on, but not without adding, “Dogs eat anything, so you should be fine.”

“Ha ha...” Joe took his frustration out on the corn, glaring at it. He gave up, realizing that the food did no wrong and stuffed it in his baggy jean pocket. Deciding further conversation would most likely result in him being teased, he didn’t say anything more. Instead, he looked lamely around at his surroundings. There wasn’t much to look at.

“We’re most likely going to die here,” Devon spoke up, mainly to himself. “We’ll wander this godforsaken place forever until we either die of starvation...”

“Corn,” Joe cut in, smirking.

“Right,” Devon continued with a scowl. “Or of old age, which seems pretty degrading, don’t you think?” It wasn’t like he actually cared for Joe’s opinion, it was strictly rhetorical.

“Either that or we go crazy and turn on each other,” Joe added, somewhat thoughtful, though the action seemed out of character according to Devon. The city teen laughed dryly; another genius observation... “You’d go crazy first, what with all yer nonsense thinkin’,” the blond continued, chucking. Devon stopped, spinning around to glare at him.

“My nonsensical thinking? You couldn’t think your way out of...here!” he shouted, using their current situation for lack of a better example. “You’re already halfway there! Why not just go all the way already?!”

“Maybe I will!” Joe stepped toward Devon threateningly. A clouded look came over his honey-colored eyes and he raised his hands up to his cheeks, wiggling his fingers haphazardly. Noting the large oak tree not far off, he bared his pearly white canines, letting drool fling off them. “I mean, if we’re gonna stay here foreva, I might as well eat somethin’ first!”

“Not funny,” Devon said sternly, taking a step back. No, he wasn’t scared, he knew that this was bound to happen...sometime. Joe was harmless; he slept with little baby kittens curled up right against him, and wouldn’t rise in the morning until they were all gone; he didn’t want to ‘disturb’ them...

Joe took another step forward, still wiggling his fingers like a madman and now adding random growls and barks. Devon was not intimidated, he wasn’t. Disturbed, maybe, but definitely not intimidated. He took another step back, to which Joe only took another forward.

“Yes, you can impersonate a mad dog. Good for you,” Devon sneered, still inching back. The sentiments of a horror movie began rising in the back of his mind.

“Who’s impersanatin’?”

“I’m not buying this act.”

“Doggies don’t act, Devvy...”

“...”

“They can’t act ‘cause they’re stupid, isn’t that right?” No response. “You keep sayin’ that, and since yer the expert, it must be true.” The sarcasm was only emphasized by the flare in Joe’s eyes. He reached into his pocket, producing the piece of corn and waved it teasingly. “But they can bite and attack people, can’t they? You said so.”

So, Devon was a bit intimidated, but not much. His hands searched behind him, parting the corn so he could have a clear path.

“You gonna apologize to me?”

“Why would I?”

“Then I have no choice,” Joe snickered, sliding the fresh veggie under his nose and grinning with frenzied delight. “An’ it’s not like anyone’s gonna hear you scream...” With that he lunged for Devon; the said person squeaked, falling back to get away.

Splat!

Full of mud and void of dignity, Devon looked wide-eyed up at the shaggy blond. If smug was a person, at that moment, it would be Joe; the teen’s lips were curved up right, one side a bit higher, in a smirk and his golden eyes glittered. The brainless mutt, incapable of thought took a few steps toward Devon and dropped the cob in his lap before walking past, out of the corn and back to the barn, leaving the stuck-up, city boy with some parting words.

“Woof.”