(I love you Anselm you inspirational mountain of stupidity that stares at me from a summit on high. Moutains of stupidity based on mountains of stupidity. No one can reach you!)

A holy brick believer talks to us from across the dimensions.

My life is great, I have purpose and I have no need to seek for it in complex places. Why you ask? Because I have an absolute faith in the holy brick orbiting the sun, the Brick would be described as your "God". Surely you believe in the brick as well. A learned friend of mine wrote to not believe in the Brick is to be the fool. How can you even understand the notion of the Brick if you don't believe in it. You fool! To conceive of the existence of the Brick is to know it exists. It makes sense don't you think.

The brick you see is the key stone of the universe. The brick is absolute divinity. The Brioly Brick! The Brick spoke to us in ages past with it's divine Brickish wisdom, the Brick went down to us in ages past and spoke to us about life and itself. It spoke to us about morality and how our race was the chosen race. My faith in the Brick being up there is absolute. How could anyone doubt its existence. How could someone make up a thing like that, absurd! However there's just one problem.

Some sods don't think there is an invisible Brick up there floating around the sun. There isn't a Brick speaking to us! Guiding us all through life. You see because these sods haven't found the Brick in all their searching of the cosmos. They believe the Brick doesn't exist. True the table exists because I feel and touch it, but the Brick! The Brick is beyond physical comprehension. Why? BECAUSE I BLOODY SAY SO, are you a fool or something? It's so stupid when those scientists say they cannot find the Brickoly Brick orbiting the sun, the Brick is past the physical dimension why should it obey their petty laws of the physics. Of course its not beyond my comprehension, why? BECAUSE I BLOODY SAY SO. The Brick is past the comprehension of science but not of religion. Makes sense right. IT MAKES SENSE RIGHT?

If you think about it science is meaningless isn't it, oh sure it can make bombs explode and hold buildings up but it can't disprove the brick can it? They just haven't opened their eyes, that's the problem. Of course the Brick is invisible so they wouldn't see it even If they did. They can't even prove that 2 + 2 4 really, well they say they can by the fact that this computer I type on works and the equations allow the logic gates to function. I say nonsense, I'd much rather listen to some teenage post modernist's critiques upon science then common sense. Common sense is so cliché isn't it. That's why I have faith in the Brick!

How bloody stupid of them to believe such rubbish. Reason is against the prospect of a brick in the sky they say. I say to them they have never witnessed the divine Brickness of the brick so they can never understand pure Brickness. The fools! I believe in the divine brick so it must be true! There need be no more proof then that. When one believes in something with all their heart it automatically makes it true. If shout something loud and often enough it becomes truth. Unless it's in contradiction to what I believe, then it's wrong. You say you have faith in unicorns? You're stupid, what merit do you place your faith on? Some guy told you they exist? That's not enough, to truly have faith you must have faith in something that I deem to be right. For example I know that the Brick exists because I have faith in it, there needs be no more justification then that. Oh that and the Brickoly book of the Brick says it is so. You'd be a fool to question that! Only a fool does not believe in the cosmic brick high in the sky. Only a fool puts faith in science when you could have unproven faith in the brick.

The Abrickoists scanned the sky trying to look for that divine brick. Impossible to find of course! The fools! We all know this is because the brick is both infinite and finite. The brick is made of matter and is utterly ethereal. The Brick is a square circle of calculated infinity. It was a Brick of physical contradiction. Motion without movement and shape without form.

It is a very easy thing to believe in. Just close your eyes and senses and believe. Who needs reason these days!

You can't find it or not find it so how the hell could anyone say for certain that it doesn't exist. The brick's existence is a fundamental fact obviously, that's why so many people believe the brick exist. We all know that the amount of people believing in something makes it absolutely right. Only a fool would say otherwise.

However I absolutely 100 resent the comparison of the Brickoly Brick to the Brickanic teapot going around the sun! We brick lovers are not like those crazy fools who believe there is a tea pot floating around the sun. A tea pot! It doesn't even merit a capital letter. How absurd, it's obviously a brick. Some people even believe that there is a floating elephant that is pink (and whose name is fuzzy) orbits the sun. All these fools "believing" in these things that aren't there. I tell you they are all wrong, believe me, my faith is the right one, everyone else is damn wrong!

Bloody ignorant that's there problem! No, No. I'm pretty certain a brick circulates the sun.

Damn sure of it. I know because I believe. Clever men say there needs be no more justification then that. I mean the brick helps me in my daily life, it gives me the support I need to go on in this world. That must mean it exists. You can't see it but you can feel it! Just like the wind! Fuck analogies having to make logical sense, this one is logical. Why? BECAUSE I BLOODY SAY SO. The wind is a physically proven aspect, so is the Brick. Logical in the extreme right? RIGHT?

However there was a problem for the believers of the Brick at one time. Some believers thought that the brick was orange and others thought that the brick was a dark red. Catastrophe! You can imagine what happened then.

No they didn't sit around trying to discuss what colour the brick was in an orderly and managed fashion. What a stupid suggestion! The Brick being past physical comprehension is all well and good but we must understand what colour it is! What the method of putting it in a wall is, what shape and measurements it is.

Of course they just got their swords out and started the chop each other up in the name of the holy brick. The holy brick would have wanted it to be so. All in the name of brick. It's justified if you do it in the name of the Brick.

"Our brick who art in the sun hallowed be thy texture rough and colour red"

Years and years of war over the brick's colour, size, texture and its use. My Brick it lasted for a while until some super clever Brickoligans suggested that the lovers of the brick should all be peaceful. Makes sense. The brick teaches compassion for all. However one can change what the Brick teaches every few years or so. I love interpretation, it makes everything the Brick says suit everything I believe or want. What a coincidence!

Oh hang on I forgot to say we should all be peaceful unless those damn lovers of the cosmic tea pot turn up. Not because those lovers of the teapot live on rich land, no no! We want to kill them because they need help! It is the sacred duty of the lovers of the brick to beat the crap out of the lovers of the tea pot. We're helping them out you see! By cutting their heads off and stealing their women and gold we're helping them and stopping them from living in sin. Genius! We're stopping them from living at all! Brick be blessed we're all fine now. Brick lovers all round worshipping the Brick on high orbiting the sun somewhere in the cosmos invisible to the human eye. Of course there are a few people that try to tell us that there is no Brick and we're fooling ourselves. Well I feel sorry for them. The Brickoly Brick of Bricks not existing?

How unlikely is that!

Now if you excuse me I have to go now and behead some evil tea pot lover for the crime of believing in something that is so stupid it shames humanity.

Brick be praised.

So obvious it hurts isn't it. Turn to the brick before it is too late! Signal your devotion by partaking in the time honored greeting to the mighty Brick in the sky. It sounds rather like "Baaaaaaah" written out. It's great when a whole group of people all in white coats cry out in unison.

"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"

We are the herd, he is our Shepard. We can drown out any voice of reason. I mean lies with this calling.

Turn to the mighty Brick before it is too late!