Dr. Casey's Thrill Week

Once again, dedicated to everyone in it!!!

Dr. Bob: WE NEED TEN CC'S OF-...what the hell are you doing here?

Dr. Casey: Uh, hello? I work here!

Bob: Then take this man to ER right away!

Casey: After all this time we've known each other and you can't even say "please?"

Bob: ...

Casey: Come on, I know you want to...

Bob: ...

Casey: SAY PLEASE GOD DAMMIT!!!

Bob: ...please...

Casey: *grins and happily wheels patient into the emergency room* See? That wasn't so hard!

Bob: Shut up and leave me alone!

Casey: *twitches* Don't YELL!

Bob: I DIDN'T YELL!!! THIS IS YELLING!!!

Casey: STOP YELLING OR I'LL...I'LL...DO SOMETHING THAT YOU WON'T LIKE!!!

Bob: Like what? Every day you do something I don't like...

Casey: Oh, I do?

Bob: Yes...

Casey: Then fetch me my nurses! Use the intercom thingy, that thing sounds cool!

Bob: *grumbles and walks out*

Casey: *whistles to himself while he pokes and prods the spasming man*

Nurse Zandrea: *busts the door open* What's up?! What are we gonan do today, Case-man?!

Casey: *blinks* Um...play games!

Zandrea: Yay!

Nurse Ami: *comes in along with Dr. Bobby* Bob told us to come to you!

Casey: I bet he did! *slaps the convulsing patient and looks around* There's got to be a game we can play...

Zandrea: Waterballoon fights!

Casey: ...maybe later...we need something different...like... *looks at the patient*...like Operation!

Ami: Yay! *jumps with glee*

Casey: *grabs a mallet and screams wildly*

Bobby: I wanna play too!!!

Casey: OK! *jumps onto the stretcher and leans down to the patient face-to- face* IS IT WATER ON THE KNEE?!?!

Patient: *only makes gurgling sounds and sputters*

Zandrea: OPERATION!!!

Bobby: THE WHOLE BUCKET SEA!!!!!

Ami: OPERATION!!!!

Casey: *laughs and climbs down the stretcher then cracks the mallet against the patient's head while singing* I'M THE DOCTOR FOR YOOOUUU!!!!

Ami, Zandrea, Bobby: OPERATION!!!!

Patient: *dies*

Casey: Wow, what a party pooper....LET'S PLAY!!! *grabs the scalpel* I'll go for the....uh...

Zandrea: THE CHARLEY HORSE!!! GO FOR THE CHARLEY HORSE!!!

Casey: OK..I would...if I knew what the FUCK a charley horse was!!!

Ami: Adam's apple!

Casey: Who's Adam? Is this somebody I should know about?! *starts waving the scalpel around*

Ami: *gasps* No no no! It's his throat...thingy..

Casey: Oh! *begins cutting away and looks at the inside of the guy's throat* Hmm...I don't see any apple here...somebody must've already taken it!

Ami: The game is defective!

Bobby: Let me try!

Casey: *hands the scalpel to Bobby and watches*

Bobby: *cuts slowly around the man's abdomen*

Casey: WAIT!!! You didn't say what the fuck you were going for!!!

Bobby: DAMMIT!!!

Casey: YESSS!!!! I FRIGGIN' WIN!!!!

Ami: I didn't get to try though!

Casey: That's OK, I'll make a new game!

Ami: OK!!

Goth Nurse Rin: *peeks inside* Hello?

Casey: *leaps to the door* HEYA THERE!!!!

Rin: *steps back and eyes Casey cautiously* Um...I was told to report to Dr. Casey...

Casey: That's me!!!

Zandrea, Ami, Bobby: That's him!!! *points*

Rin: Uh-huh...so...what're we supposed to be doing?

Casey: Anything I damn well please! Or...so it seems!

Rin: Then let's do something already!!!

Casey: You're just in time! I was about to start a new game!!

Bobby: Let's play some darts!

Casey: ALRIGHT!!! *opens a drawer and grabs a handfull of syringes* Where's the board?

Zandrea: Umm...OH! I KNOW!!! *pushes the patient over and rips the skin off his back and slaps it the far wall*

Casey: PERFECT!!! *hands everyone some syringes* OK, if you can hit that spec there inthe middle it's uh..almost instant winnage!

Bobby: You mean that bundle of hair?

Casey: *pulls out his glasses and looks again* Ah, yea! That bundle of hairs! *puts the glasses away*

Rin: You were glasses?

Casey: ONLY WHEN NEED BE!!! BACK OFF WOMAN!!!

Rin: Uh..OK...

Casey: *smiles* You go first!

Rin: *closes one eye and sticks her tongue out the side of her mouth the throws the syringe straight into some patient's back* Damn!!

Casey: You did good! Now let's all try at once! *waits for everyone get into their stance then yells "GO" and watches every one hit the same patient* Well...looks like he's just an obstacle!

Patient: Oh God!!! What's in my back?!?!

Casey: Nothing! *runs over and tackles the patient then starts ghetto stomping them in the corner* DON'T MESS WITH MY GAMES!!!!!

Ami: Hey, there're protestors outside with pickets and things.

Casey: What's a picket?

Zandrea: A sign.

Casey: From God?

Bobby: No, just a sign.

Casey: ...from God?

Ami: Ehhh...sure, a sign from God.

Casey: *looks out and puts his glasses on to read the signs* Abortion? They still don't like that?

Ami: I doubt they ever did.

Rin: What do we do?

Casey: Hmmm...give them what they want!

Everyone: ...huh?

Protestor: STOP THE ABORTION RIGHT NOW BEFO-*gets hit with something thrown from the hospital*

Casey: Wow, I never knew abortions themselves made the perfect waterballoons for protestors! *throws a couple more*

Rin: SPLAT!!! *laughs and jumps up and down*

Casey: *reaches back for more and pulls up a pair of panties instead* What the hell?

Ami: Eep! *pulls her skirt down* Give those back!

Casey: *looks between Ami and the panties* GONNA HAVE TO CATCH ME!!! *puts the pantie son his head and runs down the hall*

Ami: AHH! CASEY!!! GIVE THOSE BACK!!!

Casey: *can't see at all and slams straight into a desk* GAHF!!

Ami: *sneaks over and snatches her panties back then puts them on behind the desk*

Casey: Well...that was fun while it lasted!

Ami: *glomps Casey*

Casey: OOF! *sits there for a second while the daze wears off*

Rin: Hey, what's that? *points to a little bowl under a water cooler*

Bobby: Uhh...holy water.

Casey: We have holy water here?

Bobby: On every floor I think...

Zandrea: Why is it under the water cooler?

Casey: Well...even water has to chill sometimes!

Zandrea: Ah! OK!

Michelle: What happened here?

Casey: FUCK!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM YOU SCARY WOMAN?!?!

Michelle: ...you crashed into my desk...while wearing dainties on your cranium...

Casey: ...heh, you said dainties..

Rin: Who the hell are you?

Michelle: Me? Moi? I'm the head of this here hospital! I would like to thank you people for sending those protestors away!

Zandrea: Wait...that's your desk?

Michelle: Yes.

Ami: ...you didn't...see anything...did you?

Casey: Better not have!!! That's my job!!!

Ami: What?

Casey: Uh...umm... *panics* LOOK OUT!!!!

Ami: ...huh?

Casey: Uh...shit...want some coffee?!

Ami: COFFEE?!

Casey: *laughs maniacally* NOW I HAVE YOU UNDER MY CONTROL!!!

Ami: Mmm..no, not really.

Casey: Oh? Then let's go visit our new therapist in the building!

Zandrea: Hell yea!

Bobby: Let's go to Wal-Mart!!!

Casey: Maybe later.

Rin: Who's this new therapist? Is he Jhonen?!

Casey: Uh, no, but he's funny.

Zandrea: I think I might know who he is...

Casey: *kicks the door open to the physical therapist's area* You home?!

Michael: Yeps! Just working on a patient!

Casey: *walks in and sees a patient bent over a table grinning while Michael checks his prostate* Uh...is this a bad time? I can go if you'd like!

Michael: Nonsense! *pulls out the broom handle he was using and tosses it into the trash then peels off five pairs of gloves*

Zandrea: ...whoa..

Casey: Yea, you're telling me.

Michael: Now, uh...um.. *snaps his fingers while staring at the patient*

Patient: The name's D-

Michael: Shut up, bitch! Your name will be Frank from now on!

Patient: ...uh..OK..

Michael: Would you like to talk to Alana?

Patient: Yes, please...

Michael: *puts on a horribly fake wig* Now...why are you here, really?

Patient: Excuse me?

Alana: I'LL BE ASKING THE QUESTION MISTER!!! SIT DOWN!!!

Casey: *raises an eyebrow* I'm confused now...

Alana: It's still me!

Casey: You, who?

Alana: I like that drink!

Rin: What's going on?

Casey: Not sure...

Ami: I say we leave them be for now...

Casey: Good idea! *forces everyone out the door and back into the hall* Now, let's go to the lobby and mess with people's heads!

Bobby: How do we do that?

Casey: Watch meh! *runs to the elevator and repeatedly clicks the button to call it*

Zandrea: Once is enough!

Casey: DON'T YELL AT ME!!!!

Zandrea: ...holy shit...

Ami: I never shit could be holy in the first place...

Bobby: Maybe if someone blessed it...like that holy water.

Rin: Holy water burns...

Ami: I would imagine.

Rin: ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY TAIL?!?!

Casey: What the fuck?! Who has a tail?

Rin: Uh...nobody!

Casey: ...right... *gets in the elevator and lets everyone else cram in* Tight fit...

Ami: *starts laughing*

Casey: Eh?

Ami: You said it was a tight fit!

Casey: *begins laughing too and suddenly stops* Jeans hurt at times...

Bobby: Hey, what day is it?

Rin: I think it's still Monday...

Casey: No way! It's gotta be Thursday!

Ami: It feels more Wednesday..ish to me.

Zandrea: What if it's Friday?

Casey: What if it IS?

Everyone: ....whoa....

**Hours later when one of them remembers to push the first floor button**

Casey: I'm telling you the legend is TRUE!!!

Zandrea: Is not!

Ami: Is it even possible?

Casey: The intesticolon DOES exist!!!!

Rin: Not sure I want to know how you'd know this...

Casey: It's the truth!!!

Bobby: Have you seen it for yourself?

Casey: Well, no...but I do believe in it!!

Bobby: ...good enough for me!

Man: *runs into the hospital completely engulfed in fire* Hey, can you point me into the direction of the Burning Man Festival?

Casey: ...uhh...

Man: *waits patiently*

Casey: ...umm...HOLY SHIT!!!

Man: Wh-what?!

Casey: You're on fire!! *grabs a fire extinguisher* I got this one! *swings the metal cylinder around knocking the guy to the floor and repeatedly bashes the body trying to put out the flames*

Bob: What the fuck are you doing?!

Casey: This man is on fire! *hits the guy some more*

Bob: Stop it! You're killing him!!!

Casey: I DON'T SEE YOU HELPING!!! *swings the extinguisher around and nails Bob in the face* BITCH!!!

Bob: *lies there, bleeding*

Ami: Is he out yet?

Casey: *waves his hands around and looks* Nope...somebody get me some marshmellows and a stick...

Zandrea: I'll do it! *runs off*

Rin: What are you planning on doing?

Casey: You'll see...

Bobby: We should take this guy to the mortician!

Casey: After the marshmellows!

Ami: We have a mortician here?

Casey: Yep, he lives in the basement! With the incinerator!

Zandrea: Is he fun to be around?! *hands Casey the marshmellows and some sticks she broke from wooden crutches*

Casey: YES!!! *impales a few marshmellows on a stick while passing the rest out to everyone and roasts himself some gooey marshmellows*

Rin: Ooohhh...fire...

Bobby: Can I have more marshmellows?!

Casey: Umm...NO!

Bobby: Aww...

Casey: One for me... *eats a marshmellow* And one for you... *feeds a marshmellow to the burning corpse getting the gooey mess all over its face*

Ami: Why aren't you feeding them to me?!

Casey: Uh..am I suppose to?

Ami: Umm...I don't think so...so nevermind! *smiles*

Casey: *blinks* OK...

Bobby: Mortician!

Casey: FINE!!! *impales the broken crutch into the cadaver letting it burn*

Rin: Shouldn't somebody take this guy there? He'd burn better in that incinerator!

Casey: Good idea! Jojo! Fetch a stretcher! *points to Bobby*

Bobby: I'm no Jojo!

Casey: I mean, Nancy! *points to Zandrea*

Zandrea: ...huh?

Casey: *snaps his fingers* Uh... CAROL! *points to Rin*

Rin: ...did I miss something?

Casey: Somebody get the fucking stre-oh hey, there's one! *grabs one form behind him and wheels it around*

Ami: *helps with everyone to put the flaming cadaver on the stretcher*

Priest: You know, Wal-Mart isn't the only saving place...

Casey: Who the fuck asked you?!

Priest: Excuse me?

Casey: You mean K-Mart too?

Priest: No..I meant the church...don't you read the Good Book?

Casey: ...

Priest: ...the Bible?

Casey: Reading the Bible?! Blasphemy!

Priest: *cocks an eyebrow*

Casey: Now, away with you! *snatches the Bible from the priest's hands and smacks him over the head* REPENT!!!

Priest: Gah! *runs out*

Casey: *throws the Bible out after the priest and wheels the cadaver into the elevator* Everyone in!

Everyone: *squeezes into the elevator as someone pushes the basement button*

Rin: Who the hell kicked the panel of buttons?!

Casey: Shut up!

Ami: I can't feel my legs!

Bobby: I can't feel anything!

Zandrea: *coughs* Was it a good idea putting the corpse in here with us?

Casey: A terrific idea!!! *coughs as well*

Everyone: *bust out of the elevator when the doors open gasping for breath*

Casey: *hacks* OK...where's Justin?

Bobby: *pats out most of the smoke from his scrubs* Over there... *points*

Casey: ...I don't see him...

Rin: There he is!!! *points to the top of a head moving around*

Ami: Is he suppose to be that short?

Casey: Of course, it makes him what he is!

Zandrea: And what is he?

Casey: UMPA!!!!

Justin: EEEEEE!!!! *runs out from behind the shelf and grabs onto the stretcher* Did you do it again?

Casey: *busts into a song* Oops! I did it again!

Ami: *screams and covers her ears along with everyone else*

Casey: *stops* Didn't know I'd get that kind of reaction...

Bobby: *jumps onto the other end of the stretcher* LET'S BURN HIM!!!

Justin: Looks like somebody already did that... *eyes Casey*

Casey: Hey! He came in here that way!!! Though...his ribs weren't poking out like that before...or his skin that black...and crispy..

Justin: TIME TO BURN!!!!

Casey: *pushes the stretcher towards the incinerator as fast as he can*

Bobby: WHOA! *jumps off along with Justin and watches the whole thing roll right into the flames*

Justin: That could've been us!

Casey: But it wasn't!

Justin: True.

Casey: Is today Friday?

Justin: Might be...or it could be Thursday!

Ami: I think it's Saturday!

Rin: Feels like a Monday to me...

Bobby: No, it's Tuesday!

Zandrea: I agree with Casey, it feels Fridayish now...

Casey: BOOSHA!!! *lunges at Rin*

Rin: Eep! *cringes*

Casey: ...what? Not like I was going to leap on top of you!

Rin: Oh...

Casey: What were you doing down here this time, Umpa?

Justin: Just playing on the XBox...

Casey: You put your XBox down here?

Justin: Yea, it's pretty fun, since the hospital lets me use their internet to play Halo online! I'm all like, "DEATH!"

Casey: *laughs* Sounds great!

Rin: You got Dance Dance Revolution?!?!?!

Justin: Uh, no.

Rin: Oh, OK...

Casey: TADA!!! *reaches into the incinerator and pulls out a charred little bunny* Oops, guess I wasn't watching where I put it...

Zandrea: Gah! *covers her eyes* Poor bunny!

Casey: Um...uhh... *throws back into the furnace* TADA!!! I made it disappear!

Zandrea: Yay! *claps*

Rin: *notices the rats moving around the basement* AAAWWW!!! They're so CUTE!!!

Casey: Yea, take a few home if you like!

Rin: I WILL!!! *picks a few up and puts them into her uniform*

Bobby: What's that smell..?

Justin: Yea! Who farted?!

Bobby: I didn't say anyone farted...

Justin: Oh...well then...

Casey: *sneezes and wipes his nose on his sleeve to add to the blood* Well then, shall we get going?

Ami: Sure.

Casey: *runs to the elevator followed by everyone but Justin* See ya...tomorrow! Whatever day that is!!

*Next day*

Casey: *stumbles into the hospital* Ugh...

Receptionist: Dr. Casey! You're drunk!

Casey: And you, madam, are ugly! But at least tomorrow I'm gonna be SOBER!!!

Receptionist: Uh...

Casey: Now...FUCK OFF!!! *pulls a half full bottle of whiskey from his coat and breaks it ont he desk* Or I'll cut ya... *collapses*

Bobby: ...SOMEBODY GET THE BUCKET!!!

*Day after*

Casey: HUZZAH!!! *kicks the doors open sneding pieces of glass everywhere* WHO WANTS A FREE SURGERY?!?!

Michael: I know somebody who does!

Casey: Who?!

Michael: They walk around saying, "Gay gay gay gay gay gay!" all the time!!!

Casey: ...you kind of labeled half the fucking world...can you be more specific?

Michael: Nope!

Casey: In that case...RANDOM PATIENT TIME!!!! *pulls out his scalpel and jumps around slicing it through the air*

Newly Aquired Patient: GAH!!! MAH EYE!!! *runs around holding his face while blood drips everywhere*

Casey: HOLD STILL YOU SCUM!!! *trips the guy*

NAP: *breaks almost his whole face as he lands on the tile* Urrrghh...

Casey: *snatches the intercom from the receptionist* RIN, ZANDREA, AMI, BOBBY, JUSTIN!!! COME TO THE LOBBY!!!! WE'VE GOT A CLEAN-UP ON UH...umm...HERE!!!

Bobby: Uhh...

Casey: *turns around to see everyone there* Ah! We need to take that guy *points* to the operating room!

Ami: Isn't every room operation?

Casey: With me?! YES!!!

Rin: Yes my Tallest! *kneels to Casey*

Casey: *blinks* ...what the hell?

Rin: Uh.. *stand up* NOTHING!!!

Casey: ...Right! *grabs the ankle of the patient and drags him into a random room* Let's play another game!

Ami: OH! What's it gonna be this time?!?!

Casey: Hmm...throwing knives!!! Throw scalpels at the bleeding guy until he uh...does something!!!

Rin: AWESOME!!!

Bobby: I MADE WAFFLES!!!

Zandrea: Can I have some?!

Bobby: Mmmmmmm...OK! *pulls out some waffles from his scrubs*

Zandrea: Eh... *takes them and looks them over then eats them finding nothing wrong*

Casey: HA! *throws a scalpel into the chest of the patient* Hmm...nothing...

Rin: *throws her scalpel and nails the guy's other eye*

Patient: *starts screaming again*

Casey: Dammit! You win!!! *pulls his scalpel out and pokes the guy* HEY!!!! SHUT UP!!!

Patient: *starts throwing up blood and vomit*

Casey: Whoa...that's messed up... *blinks* Wait a second! HE'S INFECTED!!! WE MUST KILL THE INFECTY!!!

Patient: Huh?

Casey: DIE ZOMBIE BASTARD!!! DIE!!! NOBODY DEFEATS MEEEE!!! *starts kicking the guy as hard as he can then kicks him out the window which isn't a far drop considering it's only the 1st floor*

Ami: That'll show him!

Rin: No fucking zombies are gonna attack us!

Bobby: Is he dead?

Casey: ...deadish...I think...

*Day after that*

Casey: WHAT DAY IS IT?!?!?!

Ami: MONDAY!!!

Casey: DEAR GOD NO!!!

Rin: Don't worry, I think it's Friday!

Ami: No, wait...Saturday!

Zandrea: Sunday!!!

Casey: Well shit, if it's Sunday then I need to be sleeping in more!!!

Bobby: Naw...I think it's Wednesday!

Justin: *runs by*

Casey: What was that?

Justin: *peeks out from behind Bobby* Hello...

Casey: He's like a Furby almost! SPEAK!!!

Justin: Dude, just chill for a second!

Ami: What are we doing here?

Casey: Roasting hotdogs!!!

Bobby: But we don't have any....

Casey: Oh...then I guess we're chilling!

Zandrea: But it's hot...

Casey: OH BITCH BITCH BITCH!!!! I TRY TO TREAT YOU TO SOMETHING GOOD AND YOU FUCKING TURN IT AROUND ON ME!!! *points an accusing finger at everyone while his left eye twitches*

Ami: Casey...maybe we just were explain facts...

Casey: ...oh...OK! *immedietly calms down and looks at the XBox* Is that a DDR pad?

Rin: *beams* WHERE?! *spots the pad and turns on the console then begins dancing*

Casey: SHAKE IT!!!

Justin: TAKE IT OFF!!!

Bobby: Um...CHEESE DOODLES!!!

Rin: *is completely oblivious to everyone now*

Zandrea: She going to be alright?

Ami: I think so...

Casey: I bet that NOBODY can guess what I'm thinking right now!

Justin: Green tea?

Casey: What the fuck is that?

Justin: I dunno...just thought of mentioning it...

Bobby: Let's go to Wal-Mart!

Justin: Let's go to Wal-Mart!!!!

Casey: *turns around to Zandrea and Ami* LET'S GO TO FUCKING WAL-MART!!

Zandrea and Ami: Uh...

Casey: No? OK!

Justin: Hey, would any of you like to contribute to the Cardboard Box Foundation?!

Ami: Wassat?

Justin: You donate money and 10% of what is donated goes to new and improved cardboard boxes!

Zandrea: What about the other 90%?

Justin: That? Oh that goes to porn!

Casey: It's the worthiest cause I know!

Zandrea: Eh...maybe later...

Ami: Yea...not right now.

Justin: *shrugs* OK...I'm just trying to help bums get better and more durable boxes for themselves but if you don't to contribute...

Casey: Yea! He's only trying to help!

Bobby: I already donated a bazillion dollars!

Casey: Is that a real number?

Bobby: ...could be...

Justin: Yea, it could be...

Casey: *sneezes on an old box* OH NO!!! SOME GUY'S BOX IS NOW SATURATED WITH MY UNCLEAN GERMS AND NASAL GOO!!!!

Zandrea: Is there such a thing as clean germs?

Casey: YEP!!! Wanna put your finger where there are some?!

Zandrea: No thanks!

Casey: OK! *scratches himself*

**The rest of the days were the same...except Halloween...that came differently**

Casey: *runs up tot he receptionist's desk* I NEEDA BILLION CC'S OF CANDY!!! STAT!!!

Receptionist: *stares at Casey*

Casey: COME ON BITCH!!! MOVE YOUR LARD ASS!!! GIMME SOME CANDY!!!

Receptionist: *keeps staring*

Casey: ... *stares back and sneezes* Oops..

Receptionist: Ew... *wipes her face with a kleenex*

Casey: ... *sneezes again*

Receptionist: THAT DOES IT!!!

Casey: DON'T YELL AT ME!!! I'LL SIC BUB ON YOU!!!

Receptionist: ...who the hell is Bub?

Casey: Oh, wouldn't you like to know!

Receptionist: ...yes, I would...

Casey: Oh, really?

Receptionist: *nods*

Casey: WELL TOO BAD!!! OOOOOHHHH BURN!!!! I GOT YOU GOOD!!!

Receptionist: *raises an eyebrow* Wha?

Casey: *beings laughing then stops suddenly* RIN GET ME CANDY!!!

Rin: *leaps over the desk and grabs the basket full of suckers then hands them to Casey and runs off*

Receptionist: What the fuck was that?!

Casey: Nothing... *smiles* Now off I go! *goes in search of more candy to loot form the hospital*

**All in all, time passed and things were...never the same... Oh well, weeks are weeks and Dr. Casey's weeks consist of only a few days...the rest are taken on vacation from himself!**