Author’s Preface:

I hope you’re reading this after reading the previous two books, Night Falls and Moon Rises, since this is the 3rd in a series and you really won’t know what’s happening otherwise. But all you really need to know is that the single biggest sin for any preternatural to commit is to reveal to a human what the ‘true world’ really is—a nasty place full of vampires, werecreatures, fey, and things no human has ever tried to write down. The penalty for revealing the secret is death. This doesn’t include what Saxon, the vampire, did to Nicci, the protagonist—feed from her and attempt to bind her to him—since that’s how vampires have always survived. But any other preternatural, no matter how powerful, will be punished for revealing the truth.

And, one note on names: Nicci’s name is meant to be pronounced Nee-chee. Some people think it’s like Nicki, which isn’t what I intended at all. Aisling’s name is to be said phonetically, although some confusion on this one is expected (though strangely no reader has ever mentioned it to me ) for reasons you can research quite easily on your own. As far as I know these are the only names with any confusion.

Anything written in the language of the fey is not written phonetically, but the way it’s actually meant to be spelled. If you want to see my pronunciation guide that I wrote for my own benefit, mention it in a review, or drop me an email.

Thank you to all my readers of the last two books. I appreciate suggestions, but I posted those on after they were complete, which is why no suggestions had any bearing on them at all. This one is still in progress, so the gaps between chapters (much later on) may get longer… oh well.

Thanks again.

confusionlove

Chapter One

I don’t know how to make this any more interesting than to just say what happened. I guess that sort of thing was never my strong point. Of course if you look at it that way, the fact that I can even write in this good of English in the first place is surprising.

I gave you the ring so that you’d be okay. I’m sorry I never could test it before I gave it to you but that’s life, I guess. My intention was to give you something you can protect yourself with, something that won’t give out on you like I did. I guess by now you’ve figured out that it’s not all bonuses, you probably asked Logan or someone, that’s fine. I don’t know what it will do, and I’m really sorry that I don’t. But like I said without testing it, all I know is that it’ll give you some of my power again. Like you were supposed to have anyway. It won’t kill you, though; it would be impossible for me to make something like that even by accident. So don’t worry about it, just use it when you’re in trouble.

I’m sorry I didn’t give you anything like Aisling did, but I don’t know how to do that kind of magic even if I’d wanted to. I’m not mad that you didn’t tell me he gave you that ring, either, so don’t be upset about it.

Anyway, what happened. I made Logan promise not to let you come after me. I didn’t tell him what I was planning, so he’s not been lying at not telling you anything, at least about this. I knew he’d seal the door, since that was the only way to keep out Xander. I didn’t kill him, unfortunately. I couldn’t do it after making the ring, I hadn’t recovered yet. I think I took out one of his eyes and broke his ribs, but he’s probably all fine now. You know those weres. I didn’t kill his minions; I hit them with my aura so they’d pass out. If they were found dead, than Xander did it, not me. Sounds stupid to be afraid you’d think I’d killed them.

Xander hurt me pretty bad, but the scars are almost gone now and it’s only been, what, three weeks? It feels like longer without you. But I won’t write stuff like that or I’ll make you cry. Sorry. This whole idea of writing a letter is probably a stupid idea in the first place, but I’ll seal it with power so no one can open it but you. I did figure out how to do that much before my master died. Yes, of course I had a master, I think I told you that but I really don’t remember. I don’t remember much of what I said the last few times I saw you, so I’m sorry if I repeat myself at any point.

I’ll tell you everything I can possibly think of that you’ll need to know to survive. My power will make you live forever unless you can get around it with sorcery, which I really think you can. I asked around a little bit and sorcerers can do pretty much whatever the hell they want, especially if their power’s been influenced by someone else’s, for instance mine. Just work at it, that’s all. I don’t know how much stress had to do with the trouble you were having, but it’s entirely possible. Sorry for all that shit.

hm... what else should I say? I don’t know anything about what I did to you, I swear. I’m sorry for that too, if I’d had a clue I think your life would be better now. I can tell you the stuff anyone could have told you but that’s about it. I think at this point I made you pretty much sterile, and I don’t know whether to apologize for that or not, sorcery is hereditary and it comes out screwy if the situation’s not just right, and no one really knows what ‘right’ is.

I don’t remember telling you this or not, but the only other person I told about my past promptly spent 15 years trying to kill me, and very nearly destroyed my entire life. If I tell you anything, then it’s unbelievably likely that you’ll get attacked, too. As it is, there are probably already people considering killing you just to get to me. I guess I can say, it’s one of those things that you wish you could just go back in time, just once, and deal with once and for all. It all sounds so stupid like this. I wish I could tell you everything, face-to-face, that’d make me really happy. But if I stay around you, I’ll drive you crazy and then people are more likely to attack you too, and I really don’t want either of those things to happen.

I don’t know where I’ll head from here. I don’t even really know where ‘here’ is. This country’s geography has always screwed me up; everything is so big here compared to Germany. At least in Europe each country’s only usually got one major geographical thing to worry about, not like all the mountains all over the place here.

That sure was a tangent. Sorry. In case you thought it was your fault, you stopped being able to feel me because I cut our connection as much as I could. It hurt to do it, believe me, but I did it so you could be free. At first, yes, it was because I wasn’t eating. But if I hadn’t, then you’d have me in your head your whole life and it would be weird for both of us, I’m sure.

Okay... I’ll stop now, with one paragraph of material for future crying, if you ever need it. I miss you so much I can’t sleep. I still can’t kill people, even though they try and kill me sometimes. I guess if my past catches up to me again I might have to kill but I’m trying so hard not to. You were the first person I ever cared about and I don’t think I’ll ever forget you, no matter how long I manage to live. I guess, all I can ask from you is not to forget me. I’ll understand if you hate me but just don’t forget, and I’ll remember how happy I was for those few months after Ireland. You showed me life and why it’s worth it.

Oh yeah, and happy birthday. I figured out a way to get your present to you through Logan, so he’ll get a mysterious package before long. I hope you like it.

Love,

Saxon